Slow Going
by JustLindsay
Summary: After Rafael's departure from the DA's office he comes back into Olivia and Noah's lives. They let things happen naturally, without really thinking about it. Barson.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I sort of had an idea like this going in the back of my mind for a bit and suddenly inspiration just struck, I guess. The first chapter is a little slow, but I have three written so far and will be working on more. Not sure how long this will be, or my end game but we will see.

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They didn't realize it but things were going to happen slowly and without effort.

Five weeks following Rafael's resignation from the DA's office, after promising to come back to her - to them - Rafael arrived at their doorstep.

A soft, tentative knock sounded against the door to the Benson apartment. It was a Saturday afternoon and neither resident were expecting any visitors.

Olivia, who was on a phone call, covered the speaker and called out, "Noah will you get that?"

Pushing his body from the floor where he had been playing Noah made his way to the door. He hesitated unlocking the door, he wasn't tall enough to see through the peephole so, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door, he asked, " who is it?"

Noah heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, "it's me," the visitor said, then realizing Noah couldn't see him and likely wouldn't recognize his voice began again, "it's R-"

He was cut off by the door being thrown forcefully open, "Rafa!"

The boy was practically buzzing with excitement. The next thing Rafael was aware of was the child's body climbing up his own. Instinctively Rafael's arms secured the boy to him. He dropped his head onto Noah's shoulder with eyes shut tight and savored this moment of genuine and unconditional love this beautiful little boy gifted him with.

With a deep breath Rafael spoke into Noah's shirtsleeve, "do you think it's okay if I come in? Momma won't mind?"

Even with Noah's welcome he wanted to be sure he would still be afforded entry to the home he'd had no contact with in weeks.

Noah's own head was resting against Rafael's shoulder, though his face was pushed into the man's neck, simply nodded but there was a smile glued in place that Rafael could feel against his skin.

Noah wasn't the only one to answer, however, accompanying the nod of approval Rafael also heard a kind of clogged up giggle, causing his head to shoot up while his eyes landed on the source of the noise.

Olivia, having heard Noah's excited shout, along with the door bouncing off the wall quickly ended her phone call without a thought. Immediately she made her way to the door and took in the sight of her son and best friend enjoying a well earned moment of tenderness.

"Rafa you're always welcome here, you know that," Liv spoke softly, through steady tears and a smile that struggled to stay put against the crying.

Still holding Noah Rafael began, "well, I, I um- I wasn't sure after, you know, everything…" he finished rather pathetically.

She shook her head beckoning him further into the apartment. With Noah still hanging onto him Rafael took shaky steps closer to his best friend. Olivia didn't move from her spot, simply waited for him to come to her. After he was fully inside Rafael nudged the door shut with his foot and finished his journey to the woman who stood by him through everything. The woman who brought color to his dull existence.

When he reached her Olivia threw her arms around him, pressing her body against Noah's. She let her face go to the same of Noah that Rafael kept his and allowed herself a couple of moments of silent contemplation while she catalogued the changes she noticed in his features.

The ever-present worry lines that marred his handsome features had smoothed out some, his eyes seemed brighter, happier maybe, and his skin was less sallow even a little tanned now that he was no longer chained to his desk. Olivia also noted the stubble of an incoming beard adorning his chin and cheeks, and a mustache along his upper lip. The part in his hair seemed less controlled, more of a flare to it than it had while he kept himself tightly wrapped in his lawyer's skin. Overall he looked better than he had in a long time.

"I missed you Rafa, I know you weren't gone too long but I missed you." She whispered, her breath fanning over his face in their close proximity.

Closing his eyes Rafa sighed like her words were his benediction. Upon opening his eyes again he held her gaze, "god I missed too, both of you."

Olivia released the two men from her hug and moved into the apartment further, beckoning Rafael to do this same. Without letting Noah go, which the boy seemed perfectly happy with, Rafael followed behind Olivia to find her settling herself on the couch. Shifting Noah to his hip Raf joined her. He wasn't sure if he should expect Noah to move or not but he stayed put. Sinking into the cushions of the couch Rafael also allowed himself to sink into Noah too and the warmth, comfort, and love the boy was showing him - head resting on his chest, face turned into his shirt and an arm slung around to his back. It was the best he had felt since this whole ordeal with Drew began. Barba reveled in it.

For some long moments the trio was still, quiet, filling themselves up with the presence of the others. Noah was the first to cut through the atmosphere.

"Rafa?" The boy asked not moving in the slightest.

"Hmm?" Rafael gave as his prompting for the boy to continue, arms still wrapped around his body, eyes closed but fully tuned into the question about to come his way.

"You're not gonna leave again are you?" The only movement from Noah this time came when his hand fisted the material of Rafael's shirt, as if it would keep him there.

Liv, who had been wondering the same thing turned her gaze to Rafael's face awaiting his answer.

For his part Raf attempted to pull back from Noah trying to make eye contact with him. Noah wasn't having it, interpreting any and all movement as a sign of departure, so he followed Rafa's body as it shifted.

Sighing gently Rafael instead dropped his head pushing his face into the soft curls of Noah's hair.

"No I'm not leaving anymore, I don't want to leave. Unless you want me to?" Rafael was suddenly hyper aware that this may be a possibility no matter how clingy Noah might be in the moment. He did leave after all and who knew exactly how the emotions and reactions of a child would play out.

Olivia sucked in a sharp breath, how could he think Noah wouldn't want him to stay, why would he think that? She kept quiet though, staying patient as her son worked through what he needed to.

"Please stay, I want you to stay." His voice sounded so small and Rafael's heart shattered in the knowledge that he caused this little ray of sun, this little boy to feel such a thing.

Raf's tears couldn't be stopped, no matter how ashamed he might feel of them, "I want me to stay too." He sniffed deeply clearing his throat of the tightness there, though he didn't bother wiping his cheeks.

The sentence didn't feel like the end of what he wanted to say however, there was something he was holding back.

"I-" he cleared his throat again, unable to rid the tight feeling this time. "I'm not leaving again, but, I, uhh…" he was fighting a losing battle with his tears.

Olivia cut in, "what is it Rafa?" She scooted closer to the two bodies on the other end of the couch, trapping Rafael's hand between both of hers. Moisture had begun gathering in her eyes at her friends tears and started to leak out at his hesitation.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. My apartment and my job are gone, all my things are in storage and I'm living in a motel."

Olivia understood now why he looked better than he did at the DA's but not quite his old self, not the man who sauntered into her life those many years ago. Yes he looked better but he was still healing, lost, and confused.

"There's nothing left, really, for me to offer either of you." He looked as if he might crumble under the weight of his statement.

"You're offering us yourself Rafa, what more is there?" She moved her hand so it was cradling his face, swiping her thumb beneath his eye, and watched as he fell to pieces.

His eyes went sharp, angry almost, "everything, there is everything more and I can't give you any of it."

The tears came in earnest, then the sobs and hiccuping breath. Noah and Olivia cried too, for Rafael, because they loved him and they felt his pain. It was cathartic sitting there, bodies pressed close and finally falling apart.

Gathering herself Liv swept her fingers through Rafa's hair as the tears slowed. Sleep had taken Noah in, with the excitement of reuniting with a longtime fixture of his life and crying for him too, and Rafael appeared to be following the same path.

"Close your eyes Rafa, we will be here when you wake up." Her voice worked like a soothing balm as his eyelids pulled fully shut and Rafael's head lolled to the side, heavy with sleep.

Keeping a close watch over her friend and her son Olivia slid back along to the opposite end of the couch deciding to follow each of them into a dream, hoping they could start to rebuild once everyone was awake again.

The next thing Olivia is aware of are the small hands of her son pushing against her hip, "Momma, Momma, wake up. Please."

The urgency in his voice caused Liv to pop up out of sleep in a rush.

Flustered, with her hair pushed up in strange directions, the wrinkles in her pullover left impressions on her cheek where she laid against it, Olivia located her son and noted the look of distress creasing his features. In full mom-mode Liv trained her focus solely on Noah.

"What is it sweet boy?" Liv kept her voice gentle not wanting to agitate the situation any, whatever the situation might be.

"I just woke up and Rafa isn't here," his face pinched in on itself, "I think he left."

Finally Olivia had full control of her senses and brain power and looked around the apartment, with no sign of Rafael. She deflated, he said he wasn't going to do this, that he wouldn't leave. Dropping her eyes Liv tried to work out what she would tell Noah, she caught sight of Rafael's phone and wallet on her coffee table. Beneath them was a note with his all too familiar script.

 _Liv & Noah,_

 _I promise I didn't leave, Mamí texted me, she made me dinner. I asked her to bring it here for us. You both were still asleep and I couldn't wake you. Liv I hope you don't mind but I took your key so I could let myself back in. I will be back in shortly, I don't think Mamí was too far away._

 _Raf x_

With a slightly crazed giggle Liv reaches for the note and turns back to her boy, "Rafa is still here baby, he went to get dinner, his mother is bringing it here for us. He left us a note, to let us know he would be coming right back."

Noah seems to perk right up when his mother tells him this, jumping up from his spot Noah makes his way to the back of the apartment, "I'm going to go wash my hands, then we can set the table okay Momma?" he calls over his shoulder in his race to the bathroom.

Shaking her head at her son's wildly shifting moods Olivia pulls herself from the couch and makes her way to the kitchen to wait for Noah's return.

It doesn't take long.

Bursting back into sight Noah slides his way over to Olivia, landing at her feet, "is his mom going to eat dinner with us too?"

Noah is staring up at Liv with a wide toothy grin of excitement, "I don't know, why don't we set a place for her just in case?"

She gets a nod and then Noah turns to the cabinets in order to begin setting the table. Noah goes in the direction of the plates so Olivia gets the utensils, not knowing what the meal would consist of Liv covers all her bases grabbing spoons, forks, and knives. Together Liv and Noah put out the plates and utensils before grabbing napkins and glasses to finish off each place setting.

"Anything else Noh?" Liv questioned.

Shaking his head so vigorously his whole body moves with it, "Nope I think it is perfect."

"I think you're right sweet boy, but I am going to get a pitcher of water, should I cut some lemon slices too?"

"Yes please," Noah says sweetly. "I'm going to clean my toys before Rafa gets back."

With that he's off. Liv thinks she should have Rafael over all the time if this is all it takes to get Noah to wash his hands, get excited for dinner, and clean up after himself without being asked. She thinks she should have him over all the time without those things.

It was another couple of minutes, while Noah was still clearing away his building toys, and Olivia had just put a small plate of lemon slices next to a clear pitcher of water set in the middle of the small table in the dining area, that the sound of a key turning the locks was heard. Head down, quietly and carefully Rafael stepped back into the home. His gaze moved quickly to the couch to check if the residents might still be sleeping, noticing they were not Rafael allowed himself to emit a normal level of sound. Stepping into the living room after removing his jacket and shoes Rafael dropped the keys into a dish on a table in the entryway.

Noah stood up to drop his toys into the toybox under the bench in the room when Raf's eyes found him, "wow that toybox is for more than just decoration now?"

From the kitchen Olivia narrowed her eyes at him shaking her finger, "quiet you, we are a very organized household, you just come here at inconvenient times."

Liv was glad to see a real smile lift his lips, he looked happy right then and she really hoped that with her help and his determination, not to mention to pure light that was Noah, they would be able to put Raf back together.

"I have dinner," Rafael supplied rather uselessly lifting the tupperware in his hands.

"I know, we got your note," Liv replied sweeping her hand in the table they had set.

Raf shook his head with amusement and strode his way to the table to set the food down, it was a stack of one large flat container with four smaller containers. The amount food within them could probably feed a family of five and Olivia was amazed that Lucia had made this all when she thought she was bringing it just Rafael alone.

"Your mom made this all for you?" The surprise was obvious in her tone.

A blush spread over his ears and cheeks, " well I let Mamí know where I was and she may have made more to compensate."

"Speaking of Mamí Barba, where is she? Will she be joining us? Noah and I set a place for her." Liv indicated the fourth place setting at the table.

Raf's eyes snapped to meet Olivia's, not expecting the invitation to be extended so readily, "oh - well, no she isn't coming up. I didn't want to overstep."

Shrugging Liv went about doling out portions for each plate, "well just make sure she knows she is welcome to join us next time."

By this point Noah had cleaned up all his toys and sat himself at the table ready to eat. Rafael, slightly stunned by the ease with which Noah and Olivia seemed to accept he and his mother, sank into the chair beside the boy. Once the offer settled into his mind a feeling he couldn't quite name seemed to solidify within him as Rafael realized that, no matter what, he had a home with his best friend and her son.

It didn't matter how broken or useless he may have felt they didn't see him that way, he was the same man as always. Noah had treated him no differently than normal as the night wore on, requesting his services as storyteller before his eyes slipped closed for the night. And once alone he and Liv sat with drinks in hand like it was any other night of their lives. Maybe this time they didn't talk about work but they sat and talked and joked and it was like it always had been.

As if reading his thoughts Liv turned to him and said, "I know things aren't going the way you want right now Rafa but I will do whatever it takes to make you believe in yourself again. I'm here for you, I need you to trust that."

Rafael took his friends hand in his, "I do trust that Liv, I trust you, with my life."

Liv smiled and squeezed his hand before dropping her head to his shoulder, "why don't we watch some HGTV like an old married couple before you have to leave and we can pretend everything will be easy for a little while."

Turning his head to look at his friend's Rafael smiled gently, "that sounds like heaven right now Liv."

Flipping through the channels Olivia found what she was looking for and the two of them settled down for a couple of hours of watching people buy or renovate homes that they would only be able to afford in their dreams before Rafael stood himself up and bid Olivia good night.

"Come back tomorrow, we can go out and enjoy the Spring weather and do nothing for a while and when Noah is in bed you and I can figure out what to do next."

Pulling her into a hug Raf accepted her plan and promised she and Noah would seem him tomorrow.

It was a beautiful Sunday in the park and they wore themselves out playing, and running, and laughing until lunch time when they went back to apartment to finish off the leftovers from dinner the night before. After lunch they played some board games with Noah and everything felt okay, it was light and simple and they all enjoyed themselves.

Once Noah was in bed Olivia stuck to her plan for the two of them figure out what to do next. Liv voiced her hesitance that she had felt in returning to work without him there, how it hadn't been easy and it didn't seem to be getting easier. She didn't know what to do, not without him there with her. She didn't tell him this to make him feel guilty, merely to assure him that she, too, had struggles with the changes taking place, and to show how much she needed him in her life. She made Rafael promise not to leave again, not to be without her or Noah for any extended lengths of time again.

For his part Rafael told Liv that he wasn't sure what to do with himself, he still wanted help the people that Olivia and he had helped when they worked together but he wasn't sure how. He wasn't sure they would want his help anymore. Olivia convinced him that they would, that he was among the best help she could think of for victims of abuse.

After hours of talking and research Raf had submitted his resume to several places, including a rape crisis center that could use someone with legal expertise to help victims navigate the system, a victim's advocate, and lobbyist on behalf of rape survivors organizations that was in search of someone with Rafael's qualifications who would also be able to speak to changes in laws in statutes that impact victims, perpetrators, and the way the criminal justice system dealt with them all.

All in all the night felt like a success for both Olivia and Rafael. While he was packing up his things to leave he said he would be in touch to make plans and keep her updated. She promised to tell him anytime she would be able to get a free moment to spend with him, including any free time she and Noah both had. With a lingering hug the pair went their separate ways thinking that things might actually work out this time.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed it, I would love it if you let me know what you think :)


	2. Chapter 2

A month passed with meet-ups and hangouts whenever they could possibly be squeezed in, which wasn't as often as they would have liked. Cases kept piling up on Olivia's desk and for a couple of weeks Rafael was busy searching for jobs and interviewing.

18 days into the job search Rafael announced he would be taking Liv and Noah to dinner, he didn't say why and Olivia figured it was simply down to the fact that the three of them barely had any time for each other. At dinner Rafael told them he was the new lawyer and lobbyist for _The Joyful Heart Foundation_ it was an organization that worked to support rape and sexual abuse victims in anyway they could and that included legislatively, addressing the rape kit backlog, anything that stood in the way of justice. It wasn't a courtroom and that was a welcome change that still allowed him to feel like he was making a difference.

Olivia may have cried when he told them, though she wouldn't admit it to anyone but the two other people at the table. She was so proud of him, and even though he would give her so much of the credit; for making him care, for giving his world color, she knew who he was, she saw him.

It was another two weeks before they found a real day to spend together. Some days Rafael spent working from home, where he could work uninterrupted (for the most part) and spread himself out, this particular day was a Friday, he had spoken to Olivia the night before via text and she mentioned Lucy was taking some time off and she was struggling a bit to find help with delivering Noah to and from school. Without a second thought Rafael said he would love to do it.

Raf arrived at their apartment at 7:00 dressed comfortably in jeans, a t-shirt, a sweater, and some round-rimmed glasses that he had taken to wearing rather than his contact lenses.

"Morning Rafa," Noah answered the door, expecting him.

Noah was still in his jammies but otherwise seemed bright-eyed and bushy tailed. Rafael followed the youngster into the apartment, closing the door behind him. Olivia wasn't in sight so Rafael assumed she was off somewhere trying to get ready for the day herself.

"Hola amigo, lets get you dressed huh?" Rafael said figuring Olivia wouldn't mind some additional time to herself. Before going into Noah's room Rafael called out a "morning Liv!" in no particular direction.

Hearing a distant, "Hi Rafa!" Rafael and Noah went along to get the boy dressed.

Surprisingly, to Rafael at least, Noah had no outfit picked out yet, "don't you pick out what you want to wear the night before?"

Noah giggled, finding the idea silly apparently. "No I just put on what I want to wear in the morning."

Shaking his head incredulously Rafael turned to the boy, "okay then, what do you want to wear today?"

It took some time and negotiation for the decision to be made. In the end Noah decided he would wear his grey jeans with the navy t-shirt that had aliens and saucers (that glowed in the dark!) a lime green zip-up hoodie, and converse to finish off the look.

Exiting the room to give Noah privacy to dress Rafael moved to the kitchen to help himself to some coffee. As he was pouring his mug he heard footsteps, that he knew without question belonged to Olivia, come up behind him.

"Thanks again for doing this Rafa, I really appreciate it." The foot falls stopped very near to where Rafael stood.

Turning he told her, "I told you, it's nothing I was going to be working from home today anyway."

"Even still it's a huge help, now I can get to work earlier and hopefully leave earlier too, it looks like," she stopped talking for a second to lean into him and whispered, "it will be a paperwork day."

Rafael whispered in return, "why are we whispering?"

With a smile Liv wrinkled her nose and leaned into him further, bringing her face close enough that Rafael could see the light reflected in her irises giving them and almost orange glow, "I don't want to jinx things."

"Okay Liv, whatever you say. I hope you don't mind but I brought my work here so it would be easier to pick Noah up later."

"Of course not Raf, make yourself feel at home." Liv said putting her coat on and heading to the door. She heard a snort from behind her and turned to look back at Rafael. "Oh excuse me, I forgot who I was talking to."

"You wound me Liv, but watch what you say, the next thing you know I will make myself so at home I will have moved in." He is joking and gets a fond smile in return for his efforts.

The day goes by uneventfully for Raf and Olivia, she texts him about mid-day to tell him she expects to be home between 4:00-5:00 that evening. He works through to 2:00 before making his way to Noah's school.

Arriving he checks in at the front and lets them know he is there to pick up Noah Benson, having been alerted of this, the man at the front desk directs him to where Noah's classroom is. He waits in the hallway as more parents line up with him. Barba keeps to himself keeping his eyes on his phone, until he hears a gasp. Looking up he sees a number of mothers looking at him. Rafael furrows his brow in their direction as the door to the classroom swings open.

A particularly bold woman steps up toward Rafael, "what in the hell are you doing here? You think you can murder babies and then come into a children's school? You disgust me."

She holds such contempt in her gaze that Rafael steps back a half step. He is experiencing a rare moment of speechlessness in the confrontation. Before anything more can occur a class full of first graders storms out into the hallway.

"Rafa!" Noah shouts as he makes his approach to the man. Once at his feet Noah drops his backpack and hugs his arms around Rafael's legs burying his face in Rafael's stomach for a moment. Pulling back a bit he cranes his head up to look at Raf, "can we stop at the park on the way home, I wanna look at the fish and ducks."

Rafael drops a shaky hand into the boy's curls and caresses his head, "sure thing Noh, I can teach you the Spanish words for them while we are there too." His tone comes out even, but inside Rafael is panicked. He is already planning his escape from Olivia's apartment as soon as she got home.

Rafael picks up Noah's backpack and slings it over his shoulder before reaching out to take his hand. Together they make their way to the park with the pond in it. The two of them sit at the edge of the pond pointing of various fish and wildlife that catches their gaze, and true to his word Rafael teaches the Noah Spanish word for each one. Since returning to the Benson's lives Rafael had spent plenty of time with Noah and had begun teaching him Spanish, the boy was becoming quite adept with it.

They spend about an hour at the park before they head home to clean up and do some homework. Rafael has been helping Noah with it as much as he can. This is how Olivia finds them when she arrives home at nearly five o'clock, both hunched over the coffee table working on a math problem, definitely not Rafael's strong suit, especially considering the fact that the way things work are very different from when he was in school.

"No Rafa!" Noah is clearly frustrated, "I told you we don't do it that way."

"I don't understand the way you do it though, this is how I know how to do it," Rafael is also noticeably frustrated.

Kicking her shoes off Olivia laughs at the exchange, "would you boys like some help?"

Rafael and Noah look up at her, Noah rolls his eyes with a loud huff while pitching himself backward into the couch cushions, "Por favor, Rafa keeps doing it the way old people used to do it."

Pretending to be affronted Rafael brings a hand to his chest, "are you calling me old?"

Deadpan Noah levels Rafael with a look and a simple, "yes."

Diving in Noah's direction Rafael goes into tickle monster mode while telling Noah, "I will have you know that your Momma is a year older than me, so if I'm old she's really old."

A shocked gasp comes from Olivia, "watch your tongue Rafa, I might have to kick you out for this blasphemy." She means it as a joke but worries her tone wasn't right when Raf's face falls, "Raf I didn't- I mean you don't have…" She feels uncomfortable suddenly.

"Since you brought it up anyway, I have to go," Rafael says standing up.

"What? Rafael, I was just kidding, please don't go. I thought we could have a nice night with dinner, maybe a movie or some games, and once Noah was down we could spend some time together, just us finally." Olivia feels distressed at the prospect of not spending the evening with him.

Shaking his head Rafael steps around the coffee table toward the bag he already had packed up, ready to go, "no Liv, it's not that. I just have some things to take care of."

He doesn't meet her eyes and Olivia doesn't understand what happened between last night, when they made these plans, and right now. By now he has made his way close to her in order to get his coat and shoes, Liv lays her hand on Rafael's arm to stop him.

The action causes him to look up at her, "What's going on Rafael, you told me you had the night free? Is it… did I do something to upset you? I won't make you take Noah if you don't want to, I just thought you would be fine, you're so good with him now. And then you offered to get him to and from school, I didn't think that it would be a big deal. Did he do something to make you uncomfortable, should I speak with him?" She was rambling in her attempt to get him to stay.

His heart clenches as she continues to implore him, he needs to reassure her that neither she nor her son are at fault, "No Liv it's not you or Noah, I just," a heavy sigh falls from his lips and his hand pulls down the length his face, "something happened and I don't know…" he didn't even know how to finish his sentence.

"What happened? Don't go Rafa, I'll help." Olivia is practically begging.

Rafael always had a hard time denying her and this was no different, "okay I'll stay, I might not be good company though," His voice is quite, defeated almost.

Liv brings a quick hand to his cheek, letting him know it was okay, that him staying was all they wanted from him.

Stepping back into the main living area of the apartment Noah relaxes when both adults walk in, "are you mad at me Rafa? I'm sorry I called you old."

Leave it to a six year old to lift someone's mood without even having to try, "oye niño, I'm not mad at you, and I guess I am kind of old." He makes a face, scrunching it up in begrudging agreement to what Noah had said.

Pulling the dinner she had prepared last night from the fridge Olivia shouts, "hey!"

Noah and Rafael giggled and Rafael seats himself back bside Noah, "okay let's get through these math problems, huh? That way we can have dinner and then have some fun before it's bedtime."

Buckling down the boys huddle over the worksheet and take their time finally working through each problem. With only reading homework left Rafael and Noah read a few pages of _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_ a book that they'd begun together a few weeks earlier. Rafael was the only one allowed to read it to Noah. They get through nearly a whole chapter by the time Olivia has placed the salad on the table and beckons them over.

After dinner all three decide to watch _Finding Dory_ a recent favorite of Noah's. Each of them has already seen the film at least once but still fully enjoyed it with each viewing, Noah's contagious laugh certainly adds to the entertainment value.

When the lights are switched back on and the movie put away Noah declares it's time to play Twister!

Olivia and Rafael hold in a groan and agree to play with Noah, he still has an hour before he needs to shower, brush his teeth and go to bed. Each grown-up takes a turn contorting their body and a turn calling out colors. After each of these rounds pass Noah somehow convinces them both to play together while he calls colors.

Noah hasn't stopped laughing since the game started, "left hand red!" he manages to tell them through peels of laughter.

Adjusting their bodies with grunts and groans, and cracking joints Olivia complains, "Rafa your butt is in my face."

In a strained tone he combats her statement with a complaint of his own, "yeah well, your elbow is digging into my ribs."

They get surprisingly far along before Rafael topples over onto the floor, "oof," looking at Noah, "you were right Noah, I definitely am old."

"Yeah I guess I'm old too," Liv offers Raf her hand so she can help him up.

After showering and cleaning his teeth Noah is tucked under his covers in his jammies listening intently as his Rafa finishes the chapter of Harry Potter they were reading earlier. At the end of the chapter Rafael marks their spot and plants a kiss on Noah's forehead.

"Bueños noches amigo." Rafael whispers.

"Bueños noches Rafa, te amo." Noah responds eyelids falling closed.

Clicking the lights off Rafael shuts the door of the bedroom he shuffles back into the living room to find that Olivia has readied a drink for him, scotch neat.

"Come sit Rafa," she doesn't even turn around, her feet are up, knees tucked under her chin as she sips her wine while finding their dirty pleasure, HGTV.

He listens to her, sitting himself close to Olivia and rests a hand on her knee. Liv surprises them both by taking the hand from her knee to bring it to her face and laying a quick kiss to his palm before connecting their hands.

Using the hand to pull him even closer, close enough that he almost falls into her side Liv holds his gaze, "talk to me Rafael."

Raf breaks eye contact to gather his thoughts before deciding to simply tell her exactly what happened. He recounts the tale from his afternoon's confrontation, his throat constricting as he shares what she accused him of being. Liv listens intently, never interrupting, giving him plenty of time when he needs it.

Once he finishes he feels better having gotten it off his chest, he still fails to meet Liv's eyes though.

With a squeeze of her hand Olivia lowers her head in an attempt to make eye contact, "please look at me Rafa."

Without resistance he does, "what if that's all the world will ever see me as anymore?"

Liv shakes her head, "there will always be some people who will only see the bad in you, but you can't let that make you be all you are. I'm not all that I've been accused of being, and trust me I've been accused of being some pretty terrible things. I've done things that people would send me to prison for, until the day I died, without a second thought but I'm more than that." Taking a breath she settles herself to complete her point, "what do you see when you look at me?"

"I see my best friend. I see probably the best police officer I have ever known. I see a mother who loves her son unconditionally. I see someone who has made herself into something truly amazing, an inspiration, despite everything life has thrown her way. I see beauty. I see someone who has plenty of flaws, but knows what they are and works to diminish them everyday. I see a warrior. I see Olivia Benson." Rafael didn't even have to think about his answer.

Olivia knew there was a good chance he would make her cry, and she had been correct, she is crying and he swipes his thumbs across her cheeks to clear the tears that trickle down.

"Do you know what I see when I get lost in my own head?" Rafael shakes his head, "I see a broken woman who is scarred and scared. I see someone who just might not find love, might not be worthy of it. I see someone I don't like very much, who has done awful things. But then I think of Noah and how he sees me, and I think of you." She stops there to take him in.

After a beat, "When I look at you Rafa I see a man who worked his way to Harvard even when the world told him it was for nothing, that he would be nothing. I see a lawyer who might have been all bravado and ego when I met him but changed into someone who would do anything to make right what he could. I see someone who once held my son as far away from his body as he could to someone that has become a mentor to him, a positive role model for him. I see a man who is hurt but mostly I see my friend, who I don't want to lose to anything ever. I see you for everything that you are and I wouldn't change you."

She has made him cry too, "Liv, I don't want to lose you either."

"Then stay with us, don't listen to tiny people who don't matter."

After their emotional talk Olivia and Rafael settle into the couch, cuddled into each other to enjoy their company. It's late when they disentangle themselves, "it's like Twister all over!" Rafael jokes when they finally pull apart.

Olivia barks out a laugh and sets her socked feet on the floor. They both drag themselves to the entryway where Raf readies himself to leave, shoes and coat on he reaches for the door.

"Come back tomorrow, yeah?" Liv requests.

"Of course," Raf gives in, while tugging his friend into a hug, "thank you for everything Liv, I don't know where I'd be without you."

Pulling away from him Olivia cups his face, "you'd make it through Rafa, but I'm glad I get to be here for you while you get there."

Raf nuzzles his cheek into her hand before turning his face and kissing it, "I will see you in the morning."

With that he is off for the night. But when he is back in the morning, as promised, Raf has grocery bags weighing down his arms as he knocks. Olivia is exasperated with him, protesting that there was plenty of food in the house already. Rafael waves her off while he makes a complete breakfast of pancakes with berries, orange slices and fresh orange juice, bacon, eggs, toast with bread fresh from the bakery, there was also cream for the berries that didn't make it into the pancakes.

After the trio ate themselves tired Olivia and Rafael each took an end of the couch while Noah lay himself over both of them.

"Oh my God, I think I need a nap now." Olivia said throwing her head back to rest on the arm of the couch.

Rafael giggled out a "hmm," by way of agreement. He felt a nod of agreement against his stomach from Noah.

Reaching out for his phone Raf pulls up his Netflix app and casts a movie to the television.

"What are we watching Rafa?" Noah's small voice asked.

"It's called _Lune_ , I saw it the other night while I was looking for something to watch and thought it looked cute. It is the story of a sun god and a moon god trying to keep balance in the world." He explained.

All three hunkered down to watch the film, managing to catch a second wind before the credits rolled. Once it was finished they drag themselves to their feet feeling less bloated and clean up the mess from breakfast before setting out to do some rather mundane errands.

Rafael spends the whole day with the Benson family, all the way up to the time Olivia declared she needed to sleep. Rafael took that as his cue and left for his own lonely apartment, saying he would be back tomorrow.

This pattern continued for weeks, Rafael had once again worked up the courage to accompany Noah to and from school every so often to give Lucy a bit of a break. In return Lucy offered to stay a little later once a week so the adults could spend time together without looking after Noah, not that either minded his presence, ever, but it was nice to go to places that didn't require child cautions adjustments.

During these nights out Olivia and Rafael had taken to strolling home to work off some calories after they'd ate and drank, lately they had been doing so with fingers laced together. Some nights Rafael would join Olivia upstairs for a cup of coffee and they would just talk. Other nights he would give her a quick hug and make his way to his apartment.

He never thought of his own place when he thought of home, no, his thoughts of home always included Olivia and Noah.

On the odd occasion Lucia even made appearances at the Benson household, almost always with food, and they would sit and eat and enjoy the company, even managing to wrangle Lucy into the meals every once-in-awhile.

Things were going well for Rafael since everything seemed to have fallen apart. He owed it all to Olivia and Noah, they kept him together when all he wanted to do was lock himself away and ignore everything. They believed in him until he started believing in himself again. They loved him when he thought he didn't deserve it. Olivia and Noah Benson were the two most important people in his life and he didn't want a single day more to go by that they weren't in, or that they didn't know what they meant to him.

With a newfound resolve Rafael worked up the courage to ask Olivia something he always hoped for but never expected. That was how the expression went wasn't it: hope for the best, expect the worst. Except this time he thought he didn't have to expect the worst, that he would get what he wanted.

Deciding to go forward with things after one of their dinners together Rafael used his hold on Olivia's hand to steer her to a bench at the edge of a park.

"Liv, I wanted to ask you something." He had been so confident thinking about this all week, but now, in the moment, the confidence is flagging, morphing into nervousness and anxiety.

Olivia feels his hand sweating and notices his voice waver when he spoke, "what's up Rafa?" She thought if she stayed calm and casual it would cause him to do the same.

His eyes flit up to hers before darting away, this happens several times. Finally sucking in a deep breath Rafael turns into Olivia, "do you want to go on a date? With me I mean? I mean - can I take you out, to dinner, to a show, wherever you want, I just want to take you out on a date. If that's something you would be interested in?"

His confidence is up and down the more he speaks so eventually he cuts himself off and leaves the conversation in her hands. When she laughs Rafael closes his eyes feeling like he was back in high school again, getting turned down for a date to prom.

"Rafa," her voice was sweet, melodic, as it drifts to his ears, "Rafa will you look at me please?"

Tentatively his eyes open and he looks at her, just as she asked.

"I'm sorry I laughed, it's just -" blushing she looks down at their hands that are still locked together, "I just thought that's kind of what we had been doing already." She shrugs shyly taking a moment before looking back into his face. "I've been waiting for you to kiss me when you leave, I've been trying to decide if it's okay if I kissed you first, but I didn't mind waiting, because, well, you are certainly worth waiting for." Her blush darkens painting her cheeks and chin a brilliant pink.

"Can I," Rafael clears his throat and sits up straighter, "could I kiss you now?"

Olivia bites her lip, never imagining that Rafael Barba would be anything but confidence made manifest while "wooing" a woman. Eventually she nods.

They meet halfway and find each other's mouths, his lips are warm and gentle against hers as he plants small chaste kisses over and over on her lips. She moans as he pulls away from her, licking her lips Olivia allows her eyes to open slowly. She finds Raf staring at her with a goofy grin on his face.

Chuckling she swats at him, "what are you smiling at?"

Before he answers he pulls her in for another, longer, kiss with one final one peppered to the corner of her mouth, "nothing, just that I get to kiss _the_ Olivia Benson."

* * *

A/N: one more chapter coming up before I'm going to make you wait for more. I hope it's all enjoyable.


	3. Chapter 3

Unfortunately for the newly formed couple life doesn't give them time to enjoy and explore what they were becoming to each other. Olivia is hit with case after case while Rafael takes on a big project.

A new regulation is pending in New York City's public health system that would put barriers in place making it harder for rape victims to not only have a kit done, but to receive emergency contraception and necessary treatment for any possible STIs they may have contracted during their attack. It means a lot of visits to Albany and the state house, phone calls, gathering data, compiling testimonials from victims who were granted this service without exception and the good it had done them. It was tireless and endless and Rafael throws himself in head first.

They don't see much of each other for about three weeks, their schedules never seemed to line up. Rafael had been able to spend time with Noah however, to and from school, helping with homework, reading, and trips to the park. They had even taken to playing catch and trying out batting, each of them preferred playing soccer together though.

It was two and a half weeks after they had agreed they were dating, which technically meant they had been dating for about three months, things began to settle down again. The legislation Rafael helped draft, and accrue signatures, for was now in committee and nothing could be done for now. Olivia's caseload lightened up as well. They are finally able to make another date night.

Wanting to spend their time together alone Liv asks Lucy if she can take Noah to her place for the night, saying she could drop him back off whenever she felt like, to which Lucy responds with an offer for him to sleepover. Naturally Noah jumps at the chance and Liv isn't going to say no to a whole night of just her and Rafael. While he had spent the night at her place a number of times it was never a private affair and Liv basked in the opportunity she had been handed.

Rafael went to Liv's place straight from work, arriving in time to say goodbye to Noah.

"Hola amigo, or should I say adios?" Rafael crouches down to get eye-to-eye with Noah as he speaks, noticing a fleeting look of sadness at his comment cross Noah's expression, "I will be at school to pick you tomorrow, okay? And then it will be the weekend and we can spend it together with Momma and maybe my Mamí can come over one night too, don't worry Noh, we will see plenty of each other," Rafael pulls Noah in and leaves several loud, silly kisses on each of the boy's cheeks.

Noah laughs and pushes Rafael away, "okay, I will see you after school tomorrow. I love you Rafa."

Noah had made a habit of telling Rafael that he loved him, and Rafael wasn't sure what prompted it he wouldn't question it either.

"I love you too Noah, be good for Lucy." With a quick hug Rafael stands back up so he can say good night to Lucy and thank her again for doing this.

Olivia hadn't arrived home from work yet so Rafael puts himself to work making enchiladas for their dinner, along with corn on the cob. When she finally comes home she walks into an apartment full of wonderful smells, loud music, and a singing, dancing Cubano boyfriend.

Rafael finishes dinner shortly after Olivia's arrival and they bring their dishes to the living room so they could enjoy a show while eating, they had just begun watch _Handmaid's Tale_ together and decide to delve further into that. It isn't exactly a light, easy-going vibe they've created for themselves so after one episode they switch over to _Brooklyn Nine-Nine_ to level out their emotions.

They happened to be at one of the Halloween Heist episodes, while watching Olivia turns to Rafael, "I would kick your ass if we had a heist, just so you know."

He turns into her as well, nudging his nose along hers, "I know you would nena, that's why I would never be foolish enough to challenge you, although if you imagine your squad doing something like this it is completely hilarious."

Olivia takes a moment to do just that and tumbles into Rafael's lap from laughing so hard, "can't you just picture Carisi thinking he had everyone beat? He would get so cocky and I have no doubt Amanda would take him down a couple of pegs." She keeps her spot with her head on his lap, twisting to look at him once more, "I would still totally win though."

Rafael smiles down at her, things weren't always easy between them, they both had their fair share of skeletons in their respective closets, and were stubborn as bulls, but this right here is what he had been searching for his whole life, he just didn't realize it until now.

"I love you Olivia."

She pauses for a moment, allowing herself to enjoy his sentiment, her expression melts into a soft smile, "I love you too Rafael."

Sitting up she puts herself back in his lap, this time by straddling him. Rafael brings his hands promptly to her sides and meets her lips in a passionate kiss, tongues dueling, teeth nipping, emotion pouring out of each of them. Once the need for air became apparent they part, but stay connected with foreheads pushed together.

"Tell me again," Rafael asks.

"I love you Rafael Barba," Liv whispers, lips grazing his ear.

"Again."

Rolling her hips into his Olivia moans and drops her head back, "I love you,"

His hands have made their way under her shirt and are removing it from her body. With her bra now exposed to him Rafael grazes his tongue over the lace that covers her budding nipple while his hand pays attention to the other. Taking a nipple into his mouth he presses his teeth down lightly before backing off to blow air over it. The difference in temperature between his warm wet mouth and the cool air has Olivia gasping over him and grinding down harder onto his growing arousal. He switches sides and repeats his actions.

"Keep saying it nena, I never want you to stop." He pushes her from his lap while standing himself, their gazes locked as he steps into her, lips going to her neck. Her arms wrap around his shoulders and he applies gentle pressure to the back of her thighs so she will put them around his hips.

All situated Rafael begins the journey back to her bedroom. After his first step Liv takes his earlobe between her teeth to nibble on before she leans back far enough to see his eyes, "Te amo Rafa."

He shivers hearing her telling him she loves him in Spanish, he picks up his pace and is soon dropping her onto the mattress. In seconds Rafael is over her kissing her breathless before ridding Olivia of her bra and working his way to her waist. As he kisses his way down her torso Olivia's skin is tickled by whispered words she can't quite make out at first.

It's when he is at her navel Liv realizes he is saying, "I love you," after each kiss he plants on her skin.

Her hands find their way into Raf's hair, at first Liv simply cards her fingers through his silky strands of brown and grey until she becomes impatient. Tugging gently she urges him back up to her. With practiced ease Olivia removes Rafael's shirt and undershirt, before undoing his pants and pushing them, along with his boxers, over his hips and off his body. Now that she had him naked she wiggles her way out she own pants and underwear while he continues his assault on her body with his lips, teeth and tongue.

She is so keyed up at this point she whimpers when he tries to move back down her body, "no Rafa I want you right now."

He obliges her, pushing into her heat until their hips are pressed together. Rafael holds himself there for a moment before he pulls away and finds a slow, easy pace. Their love-making has, so far, always been very fulfilling for both of them, but this time was different. Their feelings were out in the open and Rafael and Olivia felt everything the other one did deeper now. It had them sweating and panting each other's names in no time at all. Olivia grasped Rafael's back and held on tight as she rode her orgasm. When he went over the edge Rafael pushed their bodies back together and took hold of Olivia's hips.

When they had both cleaned up and settled into bed Olivia rolled into his body to lay her head on his chest, knowing the beating of his heart always helps to lull her into a peaceful sleep.

Before their eyes closed for the night and sleep took them Rafael allowed himself another moment of vulnerability, "I love you so much Olivia, and Noah - I love him too. And I honestly don't think I could have done this on my own. Everytime you allowed me into your lives, for weeks, I would wonder why, what had I done to deserve so much kindness and love from two amazing people. It didn't make sense to me.

"And then I picked Noah up from school and had that woman tear me down only for you to build me back up with your words. They were a big part of my saving grace Olivia, I need you to know that. So from that point on I vowed I would be the man you see me as, and hope that eventually I see that person too. I think I see him now Liv, and you did that to me.

"I told you once that I'm you now, and I think that has to do with how you see me. You see me as someone you love and I know that's someone I want to be, that I want you to always see me as. For as long as you love me Olivia I will do everything I can to be deserving of that love, to be who you see."

Olivia stayed in place over his heart the whole time he was talking and Rafael felt her hand tightening into a fist, taking his shirt into her grip, as well as the tears making a wet patch where she lay. He stayed quiet letting her do what it was she needs to do. A minute passes before she moves, lifting her head she looks at him and he thinks she is, without question, the most beautiful creature on the planet. Olivia tips her head down to his so she can engage him in a long languid kiss.

Once she lets him go she tells him once again, "I love you Rafa, so much. And I told you before, you're offering yourself, giving yourself, to me and there isn't anything more I could ask for. I have loved you for a long time, and it hasn't always been the same kind of love but it has always been there. You don't have to work to deserve it Raf, just be."

"Let's get some sleep Liv," he smiled, pulling her back down into him.

She hummed closing her eyes and molds her body to his. It doesn't take long for them to fall asleep.

The next day, just as he promised, Rafael is outside Noah's classroom waiting to pick him up. They make their way to the park to play some soccer, Noah told him that some of his friends would be there so they made a whole game of it. Rafael has the regrettable position as goalkeeper. He spends the afternoon dodging wildly kicked soccer balls, that he swears are being aimed at his head. Tired and sweaty they make their way to the Benson apartment. The weekend was spent being outdoors as much as possible, they caught a concert in the park, where they were joined by Lucia who, as always, came with a large supply of food. Noah and Rafael show off their soccer skills to their moms.

"Momma aren't I getting very good, Rafa said he would sign me up for the soccer team this summer when school is out." Noah bounces his way over to his mother.

Olivia quirks an eyebrow shooting a look to Rafael, "oh did he? Well does he know when sign-ups are? We don't want to miss them like I did last year, you were mad at me for a whole week after that."

It is Noah's turn to shoot a look Rafael's way, "do you know when sign-ups are Rafa?"

Grinning at the pair of them, "they are next week, I took a picture of the flyer at school, don't worry I'm better at keeping track of the date than your mom I won't miss it." He tells them winking.

The next week Noah is signed up for summer soccer and has practice every Wednesday with games on Saturdays. Rafael promises to take him to every practice he can and Lucy will be able to take him to the rest. He and Olivia are determined to make it to as many games as possible.

The first game of the season comes on June 9th, the second Saturday of that month. Olivia and Rafael are able to make it, along with Lucy, Lucia, Carisi, Fin, and Amanda. Noah has managed to have the biggest cheering section out of anyone on either team. He plays spectacularly and the whole gang celebrates with pizza at Olivia's place.

Once the crowd disperses Rafael and Olivia are cleaning up while Noah showers. It has been a long day for everyone and Olivia praises Rafael's forethought to use paper plates and utensils to make cleaning easier. They finish quickly and settle down on the couch to wait for Noah to return. The boy makes his way over to them about ten minutes after they had sat down asking what were they going to do next.

Stifling a yawn Raf says, "I think I might go back to my apartment and get an early night's sleep."

He moves to stand when he feels a small hand on his arm, following the hand up to Noah's face he waits.

"When are you going to live with us Rafa? I thought you were going to live here."

Rafael's eyes widen at the statement and he feels frozen in place. It seems as though Olivia is fairing about the same.

She recovers faster, "Noah…" there is a warning in her tone.

Noah's head swivels in his mother's direction, "what, you said it first! You said that he would come live with us."

Ratted out by her own son Olivia closes her eyes for a moment to decide her next move.

Rafael takes the initiative however, "Liv, mi amor, is that true? Did you tell him I would be coming to live with you guys?" There is no judgement in his tone, only a question.

Deciding her next move is to keep her eyes closed Olivia responds, "I may have said that once or twice." She peeks one eye open to find Rafael leaning his head to the side a stupid grin on his face.

"Once or twice? Did you plan on saying it to me?" This time the tone of his voice holds a question and some teasing.

Letting out part of the breath she is holding Olivia fixes her gaze on the coffee table, she didn't expect to have this conversation yet, and certainly not with their son between them, having prompted this all in the first place and - wait did she just think of Noah as their son? Liv smiles and imagines a future that Rafael thinks of Noah as their son too.

Finally speaking again Liv turns back to Rafael, "well now that it's out in the open, what do you say Raf? Do you want some new roommates?"

Rafael's eyes roam his partner's face before falling to Noah's who is employing his best puppy-dog look ever.

"How could I turn down such an enticing offer?"

Noah jumps up, "yes! I get to have you around all the time now!"

With a laugh Rafael yanks the boy into him, "and _I_ get to have _you_ around all the time now too!"

Olivia can't believe how smoothly they seem to be navigating things together. Though the number of arguments does increase with increased contact with one another, little and big. A number of them ending with either Raf or Liv on the couch to get away from the other for a short time, get some space. It is never anything that shakes their foundation too heavily.

After four months of living together Noah is a second grader now and it is a month into the school year already. Rafael arrives to pick Noah up only to be told he had left already because he had been injured and had to be taken to the hospital.

In a state of total panic Rafael exits the school and phones Olivia immediately, she doesn't answer on the first or second calls, by the third call Rafael is near hysterical when she answers, "Raf, what's up?" She sounds flustered which is very unlike her.

Her voice settles him for a second before he remembers why he is even calling right now, "I just talked to someone in Noah's school, they said he is in the hospital!" He is nearly running home by this point, not sure what to do with himself.

"Raf, Raf, listen to me, everything's okay. He fell off the playground structure and broke his wrist, it will be okay, he isn't even in any pain anymore. We are leaving the hospital shortly."

Her words stop him short, "He, you- you knew about this?"

She seems perturbed at the question, "of course I knew, I'm his mother."

And just like that Rafael realizes why he is so out of sorts, because it is his son's safety he has been thinking about, but apparently he was the only one thinking that way.

Collecting himself he gives Olivia a curt, "well, I suppose I will see you and your son when you get home then." Before she can say anything else he finishes the call with a short, "Goodbye Olivia."

An hour later Olivia is carrying a sleeping Noah through the door. She find Rafael at the table on his laptop, he barely spares her a glance. Liv sets Noah down in his room, deciding to let him sleep even though it's late afternoon and it would likely mess up the nighttime routine they did their best to keep.

Unsure of herself Olivia moves to their bedroom to change and give herself some time before confronting Rafael, it also gives her the chance to grab something she has hiding in her bedside table.

On quiet, socked feet she makes her approach, "Rafa?"

He doesn't budge, still keeping his eyes locked onto his work he gives her only a grunt in response.

"I'm sorry for this afternoon, I didn't mean it that way."

This gets his attention, "what way did you mean then Olivia?"

"I had the same reaction as you, you know? I panicked, I didn't know what to do, so I just went to the hospital and focused on Noah and didn't think of anything else. I should have called you, I know that, I didn't mean anything by it. We are both still so used to being on our own, it wasn't me trying to keep you out Rafa." Olivia has sat across from him and taken his hand in hers, glad he hasn't shaken it off.

He crumples, "It's okay Liv, it's not like I'm his father anyway." He seems so solemn when he says this, so heartbroken.

"Don't say that, look, I may not have said it yet but I think of you as Noah's father, I have been thinking that way for months now. I have been waiting for the moment you started thinking of yourself that way too that I think I missed it, and now I think I screwed it up too." Her thumb runs along the length of his pinky.

She goes on, "one night a few months ago we were all sitting on the couch together, doing nothing really, and I had this thought of how nice it felt to have our son between us and I caught myself. I realized what I had just made you in my head and from that point on I only ever thought of a future that had you and me side by side as Noah's mom and dad. Don't let some stupid comment I said ruin that please."

When she sniffles Rafael moves back and for a second Olivia thinks he is going to walk away, instead he comes around the table to kneel by her. Taking her face in his hands he kisses her soundly.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I over reacted. I guess we both kind of did the same thing, I had myself convinced in my head that I was Noah's father that I didn't feel the need to actually say it outloud. Which is kind of stupid now that I _am_ saying it outloud but we can only move forward. And from what I'm hearing it seems like we are on the same page."

At his final word Olivia perks up and reaches into the pocket of her sweatshirt, "that reminds me, I had this filled out weeks ago, it only needs your signature." She flattens a piece of paper onto the tabletop.

Rafael leans over to read it and all his breath is gone from his lungs, "you would be okay with me adopting him?"

The look in his eyes, one of pure joy, shatters her heart, it's as if he can't believe this could be true, "Rafa, I love you with all I have and that includes Noah, so if you want to adopt him I can't imagine anything better."

He kisses her, and what she expects to be a long drawn out affair ends abruptly, "what if Noah doesn't want me to be his dad?" Rafael pulls back.

"Rafa I doubt that's possible but why don't we talk to him when he wakes up?" She smooths a finger over his eyebrow, glad they are both seeing the same future for their family.

When the little boy wakes up later both adults sit him down and lay out what they had discussed between them.

Looking at Rafael curiously Noah drops his head sideways, eyebrows pinched together, "I thought you were my dad? You do all the dad stuff?"

Rafael would have burst out laugh, or into tears, he wasn't quite sure which, if he didn't think it would upset Noah, "well not officially, not legally, and if you want me to be I would love to be your dad." He didn't want to impose his own desires on Noah, he wanted the decision to be his own. "And if you don't want me to be that's okay too, it is your decision Noh."

The last part isn't strictly true, yes the decision is Noah's but Rafael would be crushed if he doesn't want him as a dad.

"Could I start calling you Dad then?" Noah questions.

Rafael nodded slightly, "if you'd like to."

"Yes please." So the decision is made.

The legal parts of the process would be dealt with later for now it is time for all other them to acquaint themselves with their new roles in the family.

"I promise you will always be involved in any decision that has to do with Noah," Olivia tells him that night as they slide under the covers.

"I never thought I would be in a position to say this, but, that is the best thing I have heard in a long time. And the scariest."

Olivia shrugs, "you get used to it."

* * *

A/N: That's all I have already written but I do intend to write more, when I will have that for you I do not know, soon hopefully.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: First off, thank you every for faving/following/commenting it means a lot! But boy can I be long winded, this chapter is a bit lengthier. Sorry in advance, don't hate me.

* * *

"Dad! We have to go we're gonna be late!" Noah shouts to the back of the apartment in an attempt to hurry Rafael along.

The morning has certainly been a hectic one, Liv was originally supposed to be the one to take Noah to school had gotten a call at 6:30 that required her to leave as soon as she could. In her haste to leave Liv failed to call Lucy, not remembering until she was nearly out the door, leaving her no choice but to wake Rafael, who had intended on sleeping in some that morning.

"¡Sí, sí, sí hijo voy a ir!" Rafael shouts right back rushing down the hall with his suit jacket half on, to go coffee mug in hand, and a briefcase hanging from one arm. ( _yes, yes, yes I'm coming._ )

Raf stops just steps from his waiting son, sets his coffee and case on the floor and pulls his other arm through his suit jacket. Patting his pockets Rafael checks for his phone, keys, and wallet, feeling each item he grabs his coat and looks to Noah.

Seeing Rafael finally ready Noah rolls his eyes before letting out a dramatic, "let's go!"

With that they are out the door and down the stairs as fast as their feet will take them. When they hit they fresh morning air Rafael glances at his watch for the first time that morning, it's only 7:45, they have 30 minutes to get to the school that's a 15 minute walk from their building.

"Oye compay, we have plenty of time, I could have had a whole cup of coffee _before_ we left the house." Not that he is annoyed, he will get some coffee with at least one espresso shot on his way to work.

Noah just shrugs adding, "I don't know, it just felt like we were going to be late. And you were taking a really long time."

Rafael smiles at his son, a child's logic can't be beat.

Having hustled themselves out the door and for the first part of their walk father and son make it to school with plenty of time to spare. The school yard is crowded with children running and yelling, and with parents handing them off for the day. Stepping through the gate and onto the school grounds Rafael bends down to get to eye level with Noah before pulling him into a hug.

"Have a fun day at school kiddo, learn lots of stuff okay? I don't know what time I'm coming home tonight, but it should be before bedtime." Rafael prepares to hoist himself back to a standing position, hands on his knees, but waits until Noah says goodbye as well.

"I hope you get home in time to read to me, I want to find out who opens the chamber of secrets!" Noah has been on the edge of his seat reading the second book in the _Harry Potter_ series with his dad.

Huffing out a small laugh Rafael stands, "I want to find out too, I'll see you later, love you."

Having already turned and started walking away Noah calls over his shoulder, "love you!" almost as an afterthought.

Setting off to work Rafael gives thought to how much his routines have changed in the recently. He has gone from being an overworked prosecutor to being unemployed and now to being a dad taking his son to school on his way to a job that was full and challenging but not in any way the same as being an ADA. He decides he likes this routine best out of all of them.

Lunchtime rolls around and Olivia calls Raf up to check his plans, he is still hunched over his computer transcribing some rather poorly written notes when he answers. Liv tells him she has some time to actually take for lunch and will come by his office so they can go out to eat together.

"Alright text me when you get here, bye love," he ends his phone conversation with Olivia.

A newer co-worker, Brandi, is passing by as he hangs up and she leans on his door frame, "was that your partner just now?"

Rafael has the habit of referring to Olivia as his partner because he thinks girlfriend is sophomoric, not to mention insufficient, to describe their relationship. He supposes he could use significant other but that seems stuffy to him for some reason and so he has settled on partner.

Barely looking up, "yes, we are going to meet for lunch."

The climate at Joyful Heart is so much more open and friendly than anything Rafael is used to. He is trying to find a happy medium for himself to settle on and not seem cold and sharing virtually nothing, to oversharing, though he doubts that would ever happen.

"Any chance they will come up and say hi, I'm sure the gang would love that." Brandi is probably right, everyone in the office was exceedingly friendly and loved to put a face to a name.

Looking at her this time Rafael gives a half smile and says, "I will ask."

Olivia texts him when she arrives and he makes his request for her to come up and meet everyone then. Liv agrees so Raf tells her to come right up to the third floor and come right in, his office is in the hallway to her left, the first door on the right.

Following his instructions Liv is at his door in no time.

She peeks into his office, all he can see of her is her head hanging sideways her hair cascading down. A smile the brings out his crows feet behind his glasses brightens his face and he stands stretches his mouth at seeing her.

"Hi, I wasn't sure how your case was going to go today, did you catch a break?" Rafael approaches her for a quick kiss that he plants on her cheek.

"Mmm, yes, this one seems blessedly easy. Open and shut, I have Fin taking the lead so I can catch up on paperwork. The joys of being in command just never seem to end." Olivia notices that they seem to be alone for the moment and drops a chaste kiss to his lips before stepping away.

Rafael leads Olivia to the break room where everyone typically gathers, this happened to be the typical time for lunch in the office anyway and people were doing their best to bring packed, healthy lunches. It is a daily struggle that is often lost by at least one member of staff.

Stepping in first Rafael stops just a couple of paces into the room with Olivia hanging behind him, "hey everyone I would like you to meet my partner, Olivia Benson," by now Liv has stepped up to stand beside him.

With a small wave she looks over the crowd, the part of the foundation Rafael works in is a team consisting of 12 people including him. The team leader stands to introduce herself, "Very nice to meet you Olivia, Rafael always speaks very highly of you. My name is Mariska." (I know, I just can't help myself.) the woman and Olivia shake hands with one another which in turn starts a trend of the same behaviour from each of the others at the table.

Once everyone has introduced themselves Olivia and Rafael step out not before he lets them all know he expects to return in about an hour.

As the couple arrives at Liv's crown vic Rafael seems to be puzzled about something, "did some of them seem kind of, I don't know, surprised or something when they saw you? Or am I imagining things?"

"No honey, I saw it too. They kept looking back and forth between us. I think I know what it is though." Olivia is smirking over the top of the car before ducking into it.

Following her lead Rafael bites, "And that would be…?"

Chuckling she turns to him, "they thought you were gay."

"Excuse me? What makes you say that?" He isn't offended, just a bit shocked.

"I'm telling you, the way they looked at you and I, it's because they thought you were gay." Olivia insists, "Do you always refer to me as your partner?"

He nods and she makes a hand motion, as if to say "there you go then."

"Well, what else am I supposed to call you? My girlfriend? Please, it would sound so juvenile." He argues.

"It's a vague term, and then there is the way you dress," Olivia speculates.

Affronted Rafael asks, "what's wrong with the way I dress?"

Liv pulls out into traffic to begin the drive to lunch, "Nothing hun, you dress very well, probably better than most men. Besides I love the way you dress it is incredibly attractive."

Raf looks down at his clothing briefly smirking, "it's the suspenders that do it for you, isn't it?"

Letting out a lyrical laugh Olivia nods, "oh yeah baby," she sends a wink his way.

The next week goes by as normal, each of them going through the motions on autopilot with the level of normalcy they all experience. The weekend isn't anything out of the ordinary either.

The following Wednesday Noah has two doctors appointments that will keep him out of school for the day and Olivia home from work.

The day before had kept Olivia at work interviewing witnesses in her current case so Noah and Rafael had been on their own for dinner. The meal had turned into somewhat of a negotiation between the two with Noah refusing to eat his vegetables and Rafael refusing to give in about making him. When Liv finally arrived home at about half seven the two were still in a standoff at the dinner table.

Olivia had a long enough day without having to deal with them so she let Noah off the hook sent him off to start his night time routine. Naturally this upset Rafael so each family member had gone to bed grumpy Tuesday night.

Still grumpy on Wednesday the trio is mostly silent when they ready themselves for the day.

Rafael, who has a big day ahead of him, doesn't want to be distracted by any further arguing gets through his morning process as fast as he can.

Rafael stops to say goodbye to Olivia, "bye Liv, text me after his appointments so I know everything checks out fine." Giving her a polite kiss on the cheek he steps away.

The only response he gets from Liv is, "good luck today."

Stopping in Noah's room Rafael gives his son a hug and a kiss saying he will see him tonight and he is off.

Shaking his head, trying to clear out any lingering aggravation, Rafael makes his way to city hall where he will be having meetings with Senators and their aids, conferences with other advocates and interested parties involved with blocking any restrictions to sexual assault treatments in state or city owned hospitals, all while preparing to testify at a hearing. It is going to be a very long day indeed.

The first stop he makes on his way to work is to a coffee shop to refill the mug he has finished since leaving the house. From there Rafael takes an Uber to city hall, checking for any new emails that he has along the way.

He arrives at 8:45, two meetings and four and a half hours later it is about 1:15 and Rafael thankfully has a 20 minute break before he needs to make his way anywhere else. He rushes to the bathroom to relieve himself after all the coffee he has already consumed.

At the sink washing his hands Raf hears a commotion that sounds as though it is coming from the floor below, in the main entrance area, and suddenly he is on edge. Not sure why until a few more moments go by and the cacophony settles in his ears and Rafael knows what it is.

There is screaming and very loud noises, and Raf knows without question that there is a shooter that has entered the building. Cursing himself for his bad timing, even if there is no way he could have known, Rafael tries to keep his breathing slow and even. His phone is all he has on him, but it is all he needs.

Steadying his shaking limbs he walks over to the stalls as calmly as he can. Choosing the one furthest from the door Rafael locks the door behind him. Mind racing he is having trouble deciding if he should lock each door so it doesn't look as suspicious that there is only a singular locked stall or keep things as they are now.

Rafael's hands are sweaty and feel like they're falling asleep so he opens and closes them a few times before thinking he will lock as many doors as he can before it sounds like the shooter might be getting close.

Dropping to his knees and then belly he crawls his way to the adjacent toilet before lifting to his knees securing the lock and continuing onto the next one.

Rafael has made it through three of the five stalls when a sudden loud noise stops his heart in his chest. His phone volume is still on, he hadn't noticed yet because he hadn't received any notifications other than emails and didn't even think anything of it. Horrified Raf lays perfectly still save for the arm he cautiously reaches down to his pocket. Then he moves quickly, sliding up the quick menu bar he switches the do not disturb option on and exhales a long breath.

Clutching his phone in a sweaty grip all he wants is to finish what he is doing so he can sit and wait this out. Rafael thinks he may even pray.

Without any more interruptions he has the final door locked and drags himself to the toilet seat, sits and pulls his feet up.

Barely a minute has passed but to Rafael it feels like it's been an hour, and likely all those inside listening to the terror of their situation.

Rapid fire shots are getting louder to Rafael's ears and he's sure the gunman has moved his way up to the second floor, this floor.

Putting his head against his knees Rafael remembers the phone he has locked in a tight grip, hitting the home button he checks to see what the notification had been. It's his coworker, Brandi, who has accompanied him today, she is checking in on him, how he is doing.

R: _Okay, locked in bathroom. Everyone in there, how are you all?_ He texts back.

Her reply is swift, B: _oh thank god, all good for now. Barricaded ourselves in. It's getting closer now._

R: _I know_

B: _stay safe, I want to see you on the other side of this thing okay?_

R: _you too._

The shooting is so close now Rafael convinces himself he can feel the reverberations of each shot. The screaming has stopped, but that isn't any comfort, it just means everyone is hiding and trying to keep their location quiet.

Rafael's blood is pumping so hard and fast it rivals the sound of gunfire to his ears. Or it did until he hears the door the bathroom being thrown open. The shooter, whoever they are, steps in breathing hard.

A heavy, metal sound pings on the floor and Rafael really hopes it is the sound of an empty magazine clip. His eyes are squeezed shut and he isn't going to open them to check things out, afraid he might end up meeting this maniacs gaze as he looks for his next victims.

Another step, more labored breathing and then gunshots rip through the air. Everything is happening in slow motion. Rafael hears them cut through the metal of the stall doors before all he is aware is hot, searing pain.

He knows now is not the time to react in any way, clamping his jaw tight he manages only a quiet hiss and minimal movement. As the door opens once more and the gunman leaves Rafael lets his gaze drop to take inventory of his wounds, knowing this could be counterproductive if the awareness of them sends him into shock. He doesn't feel he has much of a choice though, he has no idea how long he is going to be stuck here.

Rafael sees a lot of blood spreading its way along his shirt and finds the origin at his right shoulder where there is frayed fabric. A steady stream of blood seeps from the wound down his arm to the bend of his elbow where it drips to the floor into what is quickly becoming a significant pool of red. As the pool grows it begins to take the path of the grout in between the tiles. For a moment the movement mesmerizes him. That is until a terrible stinging along his left forearm distracts him. Rafael sees another tear in his suit jacket, this path longer, but only a graze.

Breathing deeply Rafael does his absolute best to stay calm. Dropping his feet to the floor Rafael moves his left arm, it's then that he notices he still clutches his phone.

Stopping he stares at it. All Rafael can think for the next few moments is the argument he had with Noah and Liv last night and his cold departing words this morning. All he wants right now is to have told them he loves them, that eating vegetables doesn't matter that much if it means he didn't have to fight with his son. He wants to hold them close and make sure they know they are his world. At the same time Rafael thanks god they aren't here, part of this danger he is facing.

Clicking the home button to illuminate the screen so he can text them what he is feeling Rafael sees notification after notification fill his screen. Olivia's name is the most prevalent among them but he sees his mother's, Brandi, Amanda, Fin, and Carisi's names there too.

Sliding one of Olivia's texts to the right to open it he decides to speak with her first, the others could wait.

O: _Pulmonologist said Noah's lungs sound good he is all clear. On our way to the dentists now._

O: _Raf what's going on the whole squad texted asking about you? They haven't answered me yet._

O: _Raf oh my god. Are you safe? Where are you? Please answer me if you can._

O: _I love you so much, okay? Please don't forget that. I love you Rafael Barba with every fiber of my being._

O: _Please be okay, Noah and I left the dentist we are waiting for you at the precinct, we need you to meet us here, can you do that for us? Please?_

 _I'm so scared and I don't know what to tell Noah but he knows something is wrong. I wish you were here, I wish I could comfort you, I wish I had kissed you before you left this morning and told I love you. I need more time with you baby._

The last one was a minute ago. Rafael moves to text her back struggling slightly with only his left hand and the blood that now covers his fingers. The screen is starting to smudge and the touchscreen is having more and more trouble recognizing his fingers through the blood.

R: _Shooter sounds far away. Can't hear much. You have SWAT update?_

He doesn't have time to speak in full sentences and wants to reassure her by responding without giving her false hope and at the same time avoiding telling her he is hurt. Rafael also wants an idea of what to expect next.

The bubble with three flowing dots pops up in seconds

O: _They are covering all exits and doing a soft breach, they should be entering the building any minute now. Are you hurt? Where are you?_

Rafael has lost track of how much time has passed since this all began. There is a lot of blood, and it doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon. There isn't much he can do to put pressure on it though, his right arm is useless and he doesn't actually think he could put enough pressure with his left to do any good.

There is now a river of his blood all the way to under the sinks on the opposite wall. Rafael plans to answer Olivia and then unlock the stall door to at least get some paper towels and try to do something about the bullet hole in his shoulder.

R: _I am in a bathroom second floor. Can't talk anymore_

He feels badly leaving things like that but it's the best he can do right now. Rafael stands on wobbly legs and slides the lock open as quietly as he can. As the stall door swings open he catches it before it can make any sound. Stepping out into the bathroom he sees his reflection, there really is a lot of blood. Stumbling forward he looks to the paper towel dispenser, it is going to make a lot of noise if he uses it, he knows he can't take that chance.

Resigning himself to waiting for help Rafael slides down the far wall to sit on the floor. Taking in his surroundings Rafael can't help but think someone is going to have a hell of a time cleaning this bathroom later. Then he remembers just why that is and a feeling of complete and total terror freezes him. There are likely people dead out there, plenty hurt.

Rafael can't hear anything at the moment, he can't decide whether that's good news or not. Leaning his head back on the wall he thinks once more of his family. Rafael holds in his tears the best he can. Taking his phone back into his hand Rafael swipes the screen against his pant leg to remove as much blood as he can.

Deciding to funnel his thoughts entirely through Liv he simply unlocks the phone to their open conversation.

O: _why can't you talk? What's going on? Has SWAT reached you yet? They're in now._

O: _Rafa I love you._

R: _I love you too nena, and Noah. Let him know okay? And will you call my mother? Fill her in? No SWAT yet._

His tears are steady now, he knows he has worried her greatly at this point. Rafael doubts his injuries are life threatening but he doesn't know how much blood he has lost or how much longer he will have to wait for medical attention. They need to know he isn't mad at them.

R: _Tell Noah I'm not upset about the vegetables I did the same thing at his age._

His hand is very shaky and there are tears blurring his vision but thinks he is getting his messages out correctly. Clearing his cheeks of tears Rafael doesn't realize he is merely smearing blood over them. Every so often Rafael wipes his screen off to rid it of any blood.

The three dots are running at the bottom and he blinks his tears away so he can see the response.

O: _Why Rafael? Why do I need to talk to your mom? Please talk to me. Baby why do I have to tell Noah you love him and you aren't mad? Can't you do that yourself once they clear the building? Please tell me you can do that._

R: _I'll do my best._

He hits send before he is really ready to but his energy is getting low.

There is a sudden burst of noise, shouting followed by a volley of gunfire. It must be SWAT taking the shooter down Rafael thinks.

Things are starting to get very woozy for him and is doing his best to keep his eyes open. Rafael hopes help comes soon.

Looking down at his phone Rafael sees a barrage of messages. He can't answer, he just drops his phone to the floor.

Noah is sitting on the couch in his mother's office. No will tell him anything but they left the dentist really quickly and came to the precinct right away so he knows something is wrong.

Olivia gave Noah headphones and the iPad and started a movie to distract him while she dealt with things with Rafael. She needs to hold it together for the sake of their son but Liv is having more and more trouble the longer this goes on.

It's been twenty minutes since she got the call and ten since her and Noah arrived at the office. Liv is pacing the bullpen waiting for a response from Rafael. Three minutes later her phone pings with a text.

R: _Shooter sounds far away. Can't hear much. You have SWAT update?_

Olivia feels all her breath leave her lungs, he answered. Her emotions are starting to get the best of her, however. Giving the update to the squad she excuses herself to her office.

Liv leaves the door open so her team feels comfortable coming in and sits herself next to Noah. Turning she presses a kiss to his head and takes a deep breath in through her nose.

Adjusting himself to look at his mother Noah sees how upset she is, it reminds him of how she looked after grandma Sheila took him away. Now he is absolutely sure something is wrong.

Noah pushes his headphones back so they hang around his neck, "what's wrong Momma?"

His voice is so sweet and innocent Olivia thinks.

"What makes you think something is wrong Noh?" A feel of dread has settled in Olivia's stomach and it only worsens as she thinks about having to explain everything to her son.

"You look sad," Noah supplies. "Like with Grandma Sheila."

"Oh my sweet boy, come here," Liv lifts Noah so he is sitting on her lap. "Everything is going to be fine, you understand?"

She feels Noah go rigid in her arms and his hands fist the material of her shirt, but he nods.

"You remember how Daddy had to go to city hall today?" Another nod. "Well there is someone there right now who is very bad, who wants to hurt people, and they are trying to hurt a lot of them, as quick as they can." Olivia swallows in an attempt to be strong for Noah.

Noah leans away so he can look at Olivia's face, it's clear, even to him, that she is on the verge of tears.

"Are they going to hurt Daddy?" Tears are collecting in his eyes and are fast threatening to fall.

Olivia pulls her lips into a thin line and shakes her head, "I don't know sweetheart I'm trying to talk to him." She pushes some curls out of his face and looks in as he begins to cry.

R: _I'll do my best_

That was the last thing he had sent her and she hasn't heard anything from him since. With Noah now crying Olivia breaks down herself, tears rolling down her cheeks silently.

Mother and son hold each other crying with one another, not knowing what will happen next. A few minutes pass with only sniffles and crying between the two before Amanda bursts through the door.

"Liv, they took-" her eyes dart to Noah, "the guy down! They're starting to clear the building. Try giving Barba a call, he might be able pick up by now."

Clearing her throat twice Olivia nods and grabs at her phone. She shifts Noah to move him off of her and he only holds on tighter.

Amanda notices, "come here sweetie, I'll keep a holda ya while Momma calms your dad okay?" She nods her reassurance at him but he is still reluctant, "we won't go anywhere, promise."

It's clear Noah doesn't really want to be out of his mother's arms but he acquiesces, moving to Amanda instead.

Liv stands immediately and dials Rafael.

Nothing. Straight to voicemail.

She calls again.

Nothing.

She has a hand over her mouth trying to muffle her sobs but it's no good.

Noah begins to cry in earnest now, "Momma?"

Olivia paces shaking her head and holds a finger up to let Amanda know she needs a moment.

Panicking now Noah does his best to get out of Amanda's arms, leaning away and reaching for his mother, "Momma! Momma!"

He is crying too hard to get too much more out.

Looking at Amanda Olivia is breathing heavily, "who do we know that's at the scene?"

Her detective seems shell shocked at the events taking place too and, wide eyed, shakes her head uselessly.

Stepping forward Olivia takes Noah back into her arms and leaves her office, she locates Fin quickly, "Fin! Who do we know that's at the scene?"

When he doesn't answer instantaneously she shouts, "who do we know!?"

It's Carisi that answers, "a couple of our uni's are there, uh," He snaps his fingers, it's obvious he is shaking, "Antoli, Glover, and Wizansky."

She levels her gaze to her two detectives and Sargent who have gathered in front of her, "call them. All of them, until you reach someone. Second floor bathroom, report any information to me as soon as you have it."

Olivia spins on her heel and strides back to the couch in her office where she drops down heavily.

Rocking them back and forth for both their comfort Olivia is whispering to Noah over and over as he cries, "everything is going to alright." And, "I love you."

Fin walks in seconds later, phone to his ear, "what's your location officer?"

A pause.

"I need you on the second floor, check the bathrooms, you're looking for Rafael Barba."

Pause.

"I don't know what his condition is, we can't make contact."

This pause is longer and Olivia's tears are slowing as she waits for the news. She sees Fin nod and his mouth moves and then he stops again.

"Where are they taking the vics?" Fin asks, "Mercy, got it, thanks Wiz." Ending the call Fin focuses on his friend. "He has eyes on him, flagging down paramedics too. They'll be taking him over to Mercy."

Standing on shaky legs Olivia knows she is in no shape to be driving. Fin motions for her and Noah to follow him.

Once she begins moving again Olivia's mind catches up a bit, "Fin? How…" she can't bring herself to finish asking about how Rafael is doing.

She is staring at the back of his head and sees it slowly move side to side, he doesn't know.

"Mommy?" Noah's watery eyes bore into his mother's.

"I know baby, we will see Daddy soon." She hopes.

* * *

A/N: Duh duh duhhh, lol jkjk. I have the next chapter started, promise not to leave you hanging for too long.

x


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm back baby! Please do enjoy, I will be working to get the next chapter up as soon as I can.

* * *

Amanda and Sonny saw the lieutenant and sergeant leaving and followed behind, vowing to be there for their friend.

Taking two cars they flip the lights and sirens on and start making their way to the hospital as fast as the traffic in the city will allow for.

Olivia sits in the back of Fin's car, she doesn't want part from Noah who certainly feels the same way. They clutch onto each and sit in quiet contemplation hoping against hope that everything is okay, that they are worrying for nothing.

The streets are overflowing with cars, bikes, pedestrians, whatever could be on the roads seems to be there. This is only compounded by the chaos around city hall and the swarm of emergency vehicles in and out of the area. There is also all the spectators and people attempting to find loved ones or anyone they may have been separated from in the mayhem. All of it is torture to navigate through.

With each passing second that she is not in the hospital, that she is left wondering about Rafael, Olivia is finding it harder to breathe.

Rafael's head is pointed to the ceiling when the door opens once more. He flinches hearing it. Before he brings his head down to see what it is this time he hears someone speaking.

"Barba?"

His eyes come to rest on the face of a uniformed officer with a phone to his ear.

His mouth feels dry so he nods in a disjointed fashion with a mighty effort. The officer is gone upon the affirmation of his identity.

Rafael feels panic prick at him. He wants to call out, tell him not to go, he wants to tell him that he is scared and doesn't want to be alone, not right now.

Before he can consider much more the officer returns to the room and in three long strides is standing over him, removing his jacket.

Wiz drops to his knees and pushes the jacket hard against the weeping wound on Rafael's shoulder.

"Ahh!" A hot pain lances down Barba's right arm and he feels more awake now.

Wizansky has always dreaded having to do this for someone. He feels blood seeping through the jacket to his hands very quickly.

"It's okay Mr. Barba you're going to be okay." Wizansky makes sure to keep pressure applied while he stays by the vic- the man in front of him, "help is on the way, everything will be fine." He hopes he sounds reassuring.

It doesn't matter much because as soon as the words are out of his mouth paramedics burst into the room a stretcher between them. It is wheeled as close to Barba as they can get it and dropped low.

With blinding speed Rafael feels himself being transferred from floor to stretcher then hurtling through scenes of chaos before he can process much of it Rafael is the back of an ambulance. Doors slam shut and the vehicle starts moving it's way to the hospital.

There is a bag of O neg hanging above him and Rafael can see the blood running through the tubing and presumably into his body. The EMT over him begins to ask him questions.

"Sir do you know your name?" There is no emotion to speak of in his voice.

"Rafael Barba," He croaks out.

"Good, that's good." The man isn't looking at Rafael, rather he is working, "you're going to be taken to Mercy General, you're going to have to have surgery I'm afraid."

The EMT has cut through Rafael's jacket and shirt on both arms to tend to his wounds. He has treated his left arm, cleared the area and stitched it up, the bleeding there had already stopped.

"You've lost of blood, but you're in good hands and we will be at the hospital soon." The man over Rafael supplies, he looks quickly to the front of the vehicle assessing things, "in about four minutes. I need you to try and keep your eyes open for me, do you think you can do that?"

Rafael feels so tired, and now that it's been mentioned all he wants to do is close his eyes.

"I think so." He keeps his answer short.

"Tell me about yourself."

Rafael manages a pained smile, "what is this our first date?" He snorts, "only the second worst one I've been on."

This gets a smile out of the paramedic above him, "so you're a funny guy huh? I don't think I want to know about that worst one then."

"No I don't think you do." Grimacing Rafael keeps talking to distract himself, "well if we are going to date I'm going to need to know about you too, what's your name?"

"Nessim, sir." Still he doesn't make eye contact, "are you married?"

He been doing his best to keep his mind away from Olivia and Noah and what they must be feeling right now, but Rafael couldn't fault Nessim for keep the conversation going.

"Not yet," he says, "I'm not sure how she feels about marriage to be totally honest."

"Well, once you recover from all this you can ask her." Nessim tells him smiling at one corner of his mouth. "What's her name?"

"Olivia, she and our son are the most important things in my life." Thinking about the possibility, no matter how small it might be, that he may never tell them that again hurts.

Tears are running from the corners of his eyes, he can feel them run over his ears and through his hair. He is eyelids are too heavy to keep open any longer and he stops resisting the feeling go to sleep.

Nessim tells him, "I need you to try to stay calm Rafael, we want your heart rate lower so you don't lose more blood than you already are. We are so close, just breath okay? You can tell me about them later."

Despite Nessim's request Rafael can't calm himself, in fact, he gets even more distressed. He is barely even aware of what's happening any longer, except for the pain, and the fact that he feels very cold.

The bus pulls to a stop, Nessim hadn't been lying. A flock of medical personnel are at his side in seconds, tending to him as Nessim fills them in on his wellbeing. And then he is wheeled to an OR.

The trip to Mercy General feels never ending to Liv and Noah, though Olivia knows better. She doesn't feel as scared as she had at the precinct, now she is angry. Angry at the gunman for what he did, angry at Rafael for getting himself shot, angry at all the people in her way. It's mostly irrational but there isn't time for rationality when she is this emotional.

Noah seems to be withdrawing he is still sitting his mother's lap, unmoving.

It takes a total of six minutes to get them to the hospital, Fin let's Noah and Olivia out at the emergency room while he goes to park the car.

The madness of the ER is shocking to Noah who collapses further into Olivia's chest. Liv had been expecting this, preparing for it. Trying to locate a nurse won't be easy, locating a nurse that will _actually_ have the information she needs will be even more difficult.

Stepping out of the way Olivia scans the room. It takes a minute but she spots a nurse who is doing her best to appease the people arriving looking for loved ones. She has a clipboard in her hands and she skims through it each time someone new approaches her, telling them what she can before moving on.

Liv gets to her momentarily and asks, "Rafael Barba? Do you know where they've taken him?"

Looking down to her clipboard once more the nurse runs her finger down the page before flipping to the next to keep searching. About midway down the second page she sees his name and her finger stops moving.

"They took him to OR 3, if you go to the elevators take it up one floor and to your right is the information desk, they can direct you." And she moves onto the next person.

Grabbing her phone Liv gives Fin a quick update all the while making her way as fast as she can to the elevator.

She wonders why hospitals need to be such complex layouts while she ushers herself and Noah along to the waiting room.

Liv stops at the nursing station to see if there is an update. All she gets is that he was brought in about 15 minutes ago but a doctor will be out to brief her as soon as possible.

Resigning herself to the feeble excuse for information Liv makes her way to the waiting room and collapses into a terribly uncomfortable chair. She puts her nose in Noah's hair and just breaths.

After being there for a moment she realizes she hasn't spoken to Lucia at all. Tensing she knows it has to be done but certainly isn't looking forward to making the call.

Trying to ready herself for it she closes her eyes and thinks how Rafael would want his mother to know, how she owes this to him and his mother. As she does this her detectives arrive take up vigil beside her.

Pulling her phone from her pocket she looks to Noah, "baby can you sit with Auntie Amanda for a minute I have to call Abuelita to tell her about daddy."

The only acknowledgment Olivia gets from Noah is when he slides from her lap and steps to Amanda who immediately takes him in.

She dials Lucia's number before realizing she will be at school. Hanging up she calls there instead.

"Yes hello, may I speak with Lucia Barba please?"

"Lieutenant Benson." Her tone is flat and then she waits for a couple beats.

"Olivia? What is it honey?" Lucia picks up her phone.

Olivia feels her throat constrict, "have you seen the news today?"

There is a long pause and Olivia knows the other woman is catching on quickly, "don't- don't tell me what you're about to tell me."

Liv's breathing is harsh now, near to the point of hyperventilating, "we're at Mercy General, he's in surgery. I don't know much, don't have much to tell you. I'm sending Carisi to come get you, he will be there soon," she waves her hand at Carisi indicating he should go, "he will keep your mind off things until you get here. He's always got a story to tell."

Olivia smiles some through her tears and hears a choked snort over the other end of the line.

"Okay Querida, okay. Our Rafi is strong he will be fine, I'm sure of it." She doesn't sound sure.

"Lucia?" Olivia's voice borders on timid.

"What is it my love?" It's clear Lucia is crying by this point.

"I love you." Olivia feels compelled to tell her this, to make sure the other woman knows that it's not just a connection they have through Rafael but between them too.

"I know dear, I love you too." Olivia nods her head but the only sound that leaves her is a small whimper, Lucia rings off to await her escort.

A doctor doesn't come in to update them on Rafael's condition for another thirty minutes, at least. Lucia has arrived by this point.

When Olivia spotted Lucia she was practically jogging her way over, Sonny trailing behind, still talking. He was a great storyteller and could be counted on to get your mind off of almost anything, almost.

Upon her approach Olivia stands to greet Lucia with Noah sleeping in the chair to her left. The two women are completely distressed and look to one another for comfort. They hug fiercely not letting go for a minute or two, Olivia has broken down sobbing into Lucia's shoulder.

Muffled by Lucia's sweater Olivia repeats, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

The older woman runs a hand through Olivia's hair and down her back, "why are apologizing querida? You've done nothing wrong." She pulls away to look at Liv's face, cupping her cheeks, "our Rafa he's a fighter, we will get him back I know it, I feel it in my heart."

Lucia continues to do her best to comfort Olivia before moving them to sit. Going to Olivia's left Lucia slowly lifts Noah onto her lap. The weight and warmth of the boy's body feels good against her, reassuring.

The group is silent until the doctor finally arrives, "family of Rafael Barba?"

Olivia shoots out of her seat, "that's us."

She surveys the group of people now on their feet, sees badges, they're cops, some of them at least.

"Mr. Barba is still in surgery, it will likely be a few more hours before we finish treating him and move him to post-op and then to a room.

"These next hours are going to be crucial for him. There was significant blood loss when they found him. He was admitted with a superficial wound to his left forearm that had been treated sufficiently by the medics.

"The real issue is the right shoulder. When he was shot the bullet nicked his clavicle which splintered, pieces of bone lodged into some muscle and perforated an artery.

"We are removing the bullet but need to ensure we clear all bone shards from the area so there is no subsequent infection.

"Now, obviously there was some muscle tearing too. When this is all over if -" she catches herself and clears her throat, "when this is over he will need physical therapy to regain some range of motion that he will have lost."

Lucia has been growing increasingly more frustrated the more this doctor drones on, no emotion in her voice whatsoever.

"You haven't said how he is though," she snarls out.

"Like I said these next hours are crucial but he is stable at the moment. I can't give you anything definitive now. I'm sorry." The woman tells Lucia keeping eye contact the whole time.

At least this time she does actually have emotion, she does sound sorry.

As quick as she had come in she leaves.

Olivia doesn't know how to feel about this, can't totally process the new information she has been given. The look on Lucia's face seems to indicate she is feeling much the same thing.

Thankfully Noah has slept through all the talking the doctor did, but the movement of Lucia sitting again is just enough to wake him up.

" _Hola mi nino dale un beso a la Abuelita_." Lucia keeps her voice soft. ( _Hi my boy give your Abuelita a kiss_ )

Leaning up to her Noah leaves a sloppy kiss on her cheek. Lucia runs a hand over his face and feels the dried tears have stiffened his skin a bit.

"Let's go wash your face huh? Take a little walk, are you hungry?" She wants to distract the poor boy who has already had a lot taken out of him today, distracting him will also help to distract her, not to mention give Olivia space.

"Yes, I never had lunch," it's nearly dinner time.

"No lunch! Well that simply won't do for a growing boy!" Lucia tries to animate more in an attempt to lift the mood, if she can.

They go off hand in hand down the hallway. Lucia makes sure Olivia will be okay and says they will bring something back for her, and that her phone is on.

Once they are out of sight Olivia hides her face in her hands. Roughly she pulls them up and combs her fingers through her hair. Finally, reluctantly, she turns to her team.

"I need you guys to get back to the station, everyone is going to be stretched thin dealing with this for a while, make sure we do what we can. Get back to the case, and then go home and rest."

Taking their orders the three stand and start to leave, Olivia reaches her hand to grab Amanda.

"'Manda wait, I need you for a minute."

"Of course. Whatever it is you need Liv, just ask." Amanda sits back down next to her boss, her friend.

"I hate to do this but, would you mind going over to my place to get me and Noah a change of clothes?" Olivia starts to reach for her pocket before realizing, "my keys are in my bag… in my office."

Amanda takes in the sight of Olivia, it's hard not to feel pity for her, but she won't do that, she feels sympathy, empathy even, not pity.

"Don't worry about, I'm on it." Amanda goes to stand once more and is again stopped by Liv's hand. "Any specific clothing you want?"

"No I don't care, whatever you see first that's comfortable. There's something else I need you to get for me. It's in my desk, the top left drawer, the key is on my keychain, it's small and silver, you'll know which one it is. There is a small black box in there, can you bring that here for me too?" Olivia feels frayed all around the edges and awful everywhere in the middle.

Rollins quirks an eyebrow but says nothing, nodding she goes.

By herself now, except for the other people in the waiting room with her, Olivia allows the tears to come again. She is exhausted and crying is taking the last of her energy, it doesn't take long before she is nodding off.

It is by no means a restful sleep, she dreams of Rafael covered in blood, of telling his mother that he is gone, introducing Noah to the concept of real grief and loss and death. She dreams that she is an old woman but there is no one with her, no one to squabble with.

An hour passes before Olivia wakes.

Opening her eyes she sees that Lucia and Noah have returned, Lucia is sitting in a chair adjacent to her own, and Noah is at her feet on the ipad. Regaining awareness Olivia straightens, rolling her neck that has gone stiff from the angle she slept in.

There is a bag on the chair to Lucia's left and once she notices Liv's return to consciousness she grabs for it, "here you go dear, Amanda dropped these off. Noah changed already."

Liv looks down at her son once more and sees that he is in his pajamas and slippers, ones that Rafael has a matching set of.

Taking the bag Olivia stands, "I'm going to change." It's mumbled and sleepy but Lucia hears her just fine.

"We will be right here," she promises.

In the bathroom Olivia removes the clothes Amanda brought for her, there is clean underwear and a bra, some baggy NYPD sweatpants, a plain t-shirt, and his Harvard hoodie. Holding it to her face Olivia can smell Rafael on it, it feels like it has been forever since she saw him last, when in reality it hasn't even been 12 hours. Dressing quickly Olivia realizes how grateful she is to Amanda, she is surrounded by Rafael's scent and it settles her a little.

Back in a few minutes Olivia has the bag slung on her arm and is staring at something she holds in her hands. Her expression is very serious with her brows knit tightly together, it stays this way as she sits down.

Noah stands up between Olivia's legs, pointing to the small item his mother is holding he asks, "what's that?"

As if she hadn't noticed Noah until he speaks Olivia jumps at his question, "something I bought for Dad, I want to make sure he gets it. I was waiting, but I don't want to wait anymore."

"A present?" Noah wonders.

"Sort of, not really, it's," Olivia bites her lip, deciding on what to tell him, how much she wants to say. Figuring there is no real reason to keep it a secret, not if she intends for Rafael to have it as soon as she can give to him, Olivia finishes, "it's a question."

Clearly confused Noah gives his mother a dubious look, sliding his eyes to Lucia, who seems to know exactly what this means, if the smile on her face is any indicator.

"What do you mean you got him a question? How do you fit it inside a box?" The concept is beyond Noah's reasoning.

"Well, there is a question I am going to ask Daddy before I give it to him, would you like to know what I want to ask."

Noah clambers onto his mother's legs, Lucia has leaned further into the two of them.

"Por favor." Liv loves it when Noah and Lucia spend time together, he always tends to speak Spanish more when she is around.

Lifting the lid of the box Olivia reveals a simple silver band engraved with two lines that converge into each other, forming one. Noah reaches for the ring and brings it closer to his face, still not quite understanding the direction of the conversation.

"I want to ask Daddy to marry me, do you think that's a good idea?" Liv had intended to speak to Noah before asking Rafael anyhow so she's glad she still has the chance to do so with her change of plans.

"Will you live happily ever after? Like they do in the movies and books?" His face is scrunched up in thought.

Olivia and Lucia share a laugh while Olivia pushes curls back from Noah's face, "I hope so sweetie."

The trio feels a little lighter, especially after Noah says, "yes Momma, I want you and Daddy to live happy ever after." His face is turned her way and they are so close in that moment they only see each other.

Olivia never dreamed of having an experience like this at all in her life. Sitting asking for her son's permission, or blessing, to marry someone. She had made the decision to ask Rafael to marry her the day the adoption was finalized, she just kept thinking of reasons not to ask yet. But now none of those reasons matter, what matters is him. Him and their son and the happiness they can have together. She doesn't want to wait any longer, and Olivia knows it's "backwards" that it is usually the man that asks but she can't bring herself to care.

Looking up to Lucia Olivia seeks one more blessing, "and you Lucia? What do you think?" She feels nervous, but can't imagine Lucia will be anything but thrilled.

"I think that there is nothing that could make me happier than seeing my little boy marry you. You mean everything to him Olivia, he loves you so much, I have never seen Rafi so full of life before he met you." Lucia's eyes find Noah's, "and then there was you, and there was no going back. He told me ' _Mamí los amo con todo mi corazó.'_ and I could the truth in his eyes. You will have your happily ever after together _mis amores_." ( _Mamí I love them with all my heart… my loves_ )

Rafael has been in surgery now for two and a half hours, and there has only been one update on him. Another hour passes, the three family members are growing restless, pacing and stretching out stiff muscles, doing whatever they can to keep their eyes off the clock.

Olivia is no longer sure how much time has gone by when the doctor, who had spoken to her and Lucia before, reappears.

"Barba?" She gives nothing away with her tone or facial expression.

The woman steps up to Lucia and Olivia, Noah now on her hip as they stood.

"Mr. Barba is out of surgery now, we were very successful in removing all bone fragments as well as the bullet. He is going to be out for a while still but you can see him once he is transferred to a room." She tells them.

Olivia feels weak with relief, "he's going to be okay?"

"If everything stays stable through the night we expect he will make a full recovery."

The doctor fills them in as much as she is able and by the end of her visit Olivia and Lucia are crying again, this time from overwhelming relief.

A nurse comes to collect them in another 25 minutes to bring them to the room Rafael has been put into. It is a private room, with the singular hospital bed that Rafael lays in, hooked up to a heart monitor and IV. The mere sight of him breaks Olivia, she cries in earnest, seeing his chest rise and fall.

Liv looks at her son in her arms, "everything is going to be okay now, Daddy will be just fine." She is doing her best to reassure Noah and she feels confident what she tells him is true.

There is a small stiff looking chair in the corner and one other at the bedside. The thought of sitting in one for any longer makes Olivia cringe, Lucia notices, "why don't we all go get a few hours of sleep where we can be comfortable. We will get clean, eat some food and come right back," looking Olivia in the eye she goes on, "I can think about sitting in one of those things for another moment right now."

Agreeing to the plan Lucia has set out Olivia follows Lucia out of the room, after they each kiss Rafael and remind him how much they love him. Once outside Olivia calls an Uber and has it take all three to her apartment, having talked Lucia into coming home with them, reasoning that it is closer and that if anything happens they will find out together.

The older woman knows Olivia is right and gives in easily. Upon entering the apartment each of them goes their separate ways, Lucia opts to go straight to sleep, Olivia insisting that she at least share the bed. Noah decides to sleep too but goes off to his room. Liv heads to the shower to let the water take away some of the tension from the day.

Too tired to pick out another outfit Olivia pulls on the clothes she had on before and slides into her bed where Lucia is already sound asleep. Hours later Noah comes in crying about a dream he had and cuddles between his mother and grandmother.

When they wake in the morning they will eat a quick meal and find their way back to Rafael, fully confident that he will find his way back to them too.

* * *

A/N: See you soon!

x


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I struggled a bit with this one, I hope it came out okay, apologies for any mistakes you find I have been traveling and am exhausted as a result.

* * *

Liv, Noah, and Lucia leave to go back to the hospital at dawn, unable to wait to see Rafael again a second longer. All three are wide awake despite the early hour. As they walk into the room a nurse is just leaving.

Olivia stops her, "has he woken up yet?"

The nurse shakes her head, "not yet, no."

In the room Noah wants to get on the bed with Rafael, Liv lets him but reminds him he must be very careful because Rafael is hurt, and he doesn't want to be touching anywhere near the wounds.

Noah picks a spot on Rafael's left side, he adjusts his father's arm so he is able to rest his head on Rafael's chest.

"Momma, when is Daddy going to wake up? I miss him." Noah's voice is so small to Olivia's ears it almost sounds far away. She wishes she had an answer for him, that she could say he would wake up soon, but she doesn't know and won't lie to him.

"I'm not sure baby, we are just going to have to wait and see." She runs a quick hand through her son's hair before sitting down in the chair at Rafael's bedside. She brought a book with her to read, along with the ipad, and some coloring supplies for Noah. For now though, Noah seems content to sit listening to Rafael's heartbeat, rising and falling with each breath he takes.

Lucia has elected to stop by her house to change and shower, but promises to return to the hospital as quick as she can. This happens to be about 90 minutes after Olivia and Noah had arrived at his room. She walks in carrying a tray of drinks, two coffees, one for her and one for Olivia, and a hot chocolate for Noah. She pulls the table over and drags the chair so she and Olivia sit side by side as they sip their drinks. Noah waits a few minutes before going to his mother's lap and starting his hot chocolate, wanting to make sure it isn't too hot to drink.

On the second round of coffee, at nearly 8:00 Rafael begins to stir, Noah, who had been watching a show while sitting on Olivia's lap notices first. Tapping Olivia's leg he points to Rafael, as if scared moving or making a noise might affect how things will turn out in some way.

With a groan Rafael opens his eyes, scanning the room, taking things in, and trying to figure out where he is, and why. Finally his eyes land on his family, he finds his mother looking at him with a complete look of relief, Noah looking shocked and very excited, and Olivia with tears running down her cheeks.

"What happened?" He croaks out, his voice very hoarse from disuse and dryness. Lucia gets up and brings him a cup of water, which he accepts gratefully.

Sniffling Olivia is the one to answer, "you got hurt yesterday afternoon, at city hall. Do you remember what happened?"

Rafael brings his left arm up, noticing the bandaging there, "yes," he says, a haunted tone filling the single syllable.

"You had surgery last night, and -" Liv's words get caught in her throat, "and we weren't sure what was going to happen." By this time she is crying out right, and Noah is squirming to get off her lap, she knows he wants to be back by Rafael's side and she lets him, bringing him to the bed Olivia puts him down in the spot he had been in before.

On his knees Noah makes his way to be as close to Rafael's face as possible, putting a hand to his father's cheek Noah stares intensely at him. "I was so scared Daddy, please be okay." The little boy now has tears leaking from his eyes.

Rafael brings his hand to Noah's face to wipe away his tears as best he could with just one hand available to him. "I'm sorry buddy, but I'll be okay, I promise." Obviously Rafael can't actually know this is true or not but he would do anything to erase the look of fear from his son's eyes. "I love you so much Noah."

Noah drapes himself onto Rafael's stomach and speaks into his body, "I love you too Dad." Rafael feels Noah rub his face into him as he settles in for a cuddle.

"Mamí, sorry if I scared you," Rafael knows his mother had often been afraid for her son while he had been working to put away dangerous people and being threatened for it. He never imagined that he would be in a situation anything like this.

"Rafi, I don't think I'm the person you should be apologizing to, but thank you mijo, I'm just glad you're awake." Lucia's voice was soft, so caring, so much like a mother and child, as it made its way to his ears.

He knows his mother is right but he has been hesitant to meet her gaze, nervous about what he would find there. Still he can't avoid her forever, he slides his eyes towards Olivia, "how are you doing 'Livia?"

She is still crying but she smiles at him while nodding, "better now you're awake. You scared me so much Rafa, and when I couldn't reach you, when you stopped answering, I started to panic, after you had been speaking to me like we wouldn't see each other when this was all over." Olivia wipes her face, running her fingers under her eyes.

"I need you," swallowing she looks away for a moment. "I need you to stick around, until we are both old and grey, so we can be cranky and squabble with each other. So we can see Noah grow up and graduate high school, then college, and -"

"And law school," Rafael interrupts Olivia's speech, feeling as though he might start crying too.

"Sure, law school too. We can have grandchildren and see them grow up next. But you need to be okay to get there. Promise me you'll be okay?" The look she is giving holds all the love she feels for him and all the terror she felt at the thought she may not get to show that love to him any longer.

"I promise." He choked out.

By this time Noah is sitting up once more, turning to look at his mother he points to the bag she brought with them, "are you going to give him your question now Momma?"

Liv follows the direction Noah is pointing, pausing to make her decision, "what do you guys think should I ask him now?" She doesn't take her eyes off the bag.

"It certainly would be a very good motivation to get better," Lucia points out exited at the prospect of her son finally getting married. Not to mention how happy it would make her to have Olivia as her official daughter-in law.

"Please ask Momma," Noah even employs his puppy dog look for maximum persuasion.

Laughing Olivia reaches for her bag and removes the black box Amanda had brought to her yesterday. She smoothes her fingers around the edges of it once, then twice, breathing heavily through her nose.

Rafael looks between the three of them baffled by the cryptic conversation he seems to be the only one not part of, "what question? What's in the box, what's going on?"

Showing no patience for her son Lucia simply turns to him, "hush now mijo, you'll find out," before directing her words to Olivia, "would you like some privacy dear?"

Finally looking up Liv turns her head to Lucia, "no thank you Lucia, I think it would be better with the two of you here." then to her son, "Noah, will you sit with Abuelita for a minute while I give Daddy his question?" Olivia is standing now and reaches out for Noah and is then placing him in Lucia's lap. The pair watch eagerly while Olivia takes Noah's place on the bed beside Rafael.

Still confused Rafael welcomes the presence of Olivia closer to him, it's now he notices that she is wearing his sweatshirt and it makes him smile, "that looks good on you nena."

Liv takes the hand he used to indicate the garment and keeps hold of it, "I have had this for a little while now, and I couldn't find the right time to give it to you, something always kept me waiting.

"After yesterday I knew I couldn't wait any longer, didn't really want to anyway. I have been scared of what giving you this would mean, scared of losing the independence I have worked my whole life to keep. But this wouldn't change that, you have never asked me to be any different than what I am. It's one of the things I love about you, one of the very many things. In fact there are so many different things that I love about you that I think it might take a lifetime to get through it all, which I kind of hope it does."

Rafael uses the hand she is holding to tug her and get her attention, " _Besame mi amor_." She leans over his prone form and lays a series of chaste kisses on his lips. ( _kiss me my love._ )

Pulling away from him Olivia laughs, "Rafa stop distracting me, I have a question to ask you, remember?"

"Apologies, you are just irresistible," he tries to excuse himself, but hears his mother mother clear her throat disapprovingly.

" _As I was saying_ ," Olivia starts again, "I hope it takes a lifetime to tell you all the things I love about you because, because well," she's crying again, softly this time, happily, "I want you to promise me a lifetime together."

Seeing Rafael open his mouth she shakes her head to stop him. Turning her eyes back to the box she still holds Liv runs her thumb down the length to open it and turns it to him, "so Rafa, what do you say? Do you want to promise me a life together? Will you marry me?"

"Help me sit up please." Rafael requests squirming his hips as he works to get himself in more of a sitting position. With some effort, as gentle as could be, he is sitting up. Raf cradles Liv's cheek in his left hand, the feeling of her skin on his is the best he has felt for the last two days, maybe longer. Rafael pulls Olivia in so he can kiss her once more, deeper his time. He doesn't pull away either keeping his forehead against hers.

"I love you Olivia, and I really want to marry you." He is crying a little at this point, it doesn't matter though, the love of his life wants to spend her life with him, wants to tell the world they belong to each other. Clearing his throat Rafael adds one final thing, "now I believe you have something for me."

Liv rubs her face into his face further before wrapping her fingers around his. Pressing a kiss against his palm she takes his hand away from her face to lay between them, "I believe I do too," taking the ring from the box she slides it past his knuckles to sit firmly at the base of his ring finger.

"Daddy you get to be a Benson now too!" Noah's exclamation breaks his parents gazes to roam over to him.

Rafael chuckles, "and I can't wait." The smile he wears is all the evidence Noah needs to see how true this is.

Lucia pipes up, "me either."

His eyes shift slightly and Rafael looks to see the joy on Lucia's face, "so you knew about this?"

"Claro mijo she asked my permission too." Lucia couldn't look more pleased than she does now.

Rafael laughs full time this time, although there is obvious pain behind it, "I didn't realize you were such a traditionalist Liv."

"I'm full of surprises." Shrugging one shoulder Olivia stretches toward the end of the bed to hit the call nurse button.

"And I have a lifetime to find them all out." Olivia doesn't need to be looking at him to know how much awe he is feeling in the moment. Besides she's feeling it too.

A nurse comes in to check everything over, "nice to see you awake Mr. Barba." She begins to look him over informing them all his vital signs appear to be normal, "you're going to be in pain for the next few days at least. And we are going to have to keep you here for another couple of days before you can be discharged. The doctor will be in shortly to fill you in more about all this, for now I'm going to administer more pain medication."

After doing so the nurse leaves the family to themselves again. They all chat happily until Rafael begins to doze off.

"We are going to go home for a while and take a nap ourselves, but we will be back this afternoon." Olivia who had given up her spot for Noah to return to, leans over and gives him a quick kiss.

Rafael moans with slight disappointment that they won't be with him but he knows it's unfair to ask them to stay, especially so when he will just be asleep.

Noah crawls further up the bed so he get closer to his father's face, "hasta luego Papí te amo." He says before pecking a short kiss on his lips. ( _See you later Daddy I love you._ )

"Tambien te amo Noah." Rafael answers.

Olivia lifts Noah off the bed and sets him at his feet before ushering him out of Lucia's way.

Lucia looks down at her son, eyes sleepy but happy at the same time. Carding her fingers through Rafael's hair Lucia whispers to him, "I never want you to scare me like that again entiendes?" Part of her wants that to have come out as more of a reprimand but more of her doesn't care about that, she cares that he is there for her to be saying anything to at all.

"Sí Mamí." Rafael is blinking with all the effort it is taking him to stay awake.

They file out of the room returning to their separate homes hoping to catch some sleep and re energize before they plan to go back to the hospital.

Once they return Rafael is awake again and walking around working the stiffness from his legs.

Liv walks in with some sweatpants and a T-shirt for him to wear but sees that he has exchanged his hospital gown for scrubs.

"You would make a very cute doctor Rafa," is how Liv decides to announce her arrival.

"Pardon you I would make a cute anything, even a waitress." Rafael finishes making his point by sticking his tongue out at her.

Noah, who is walking into the room trailing Olivia but proceeding Lucia sticks his tongue out too. At the sametime this is taking place Olivia has thrown her head back laughing at him.

Getting control of herself Liv walks up to her *fiancee* laying a hand to his lower back, "I think you mean waiter my love but you're right you would be cute no matter what job you have." She prevents him from answering right away by kissing him as soundly as she is comfortable considering their audience.

"Mmm," Rafael is dazed for a moment before he turns to look at Noah, "you hear that Noh? Momma thinks I'm cute." He is exceedingly pleased at the thought.

Noah on the other hand makes a face at him before moving on.

Stepping fully into the room Lucia kisses her son's cheek and tells him, "you are very cute compay."

They settle themselves as well as hospital furniture allows and Olivia hands out the sandwiches she brought from home.

"The doctor came in while you guys were out. He told me things look good and the stitches could come out of my forearm next week. As for my shoulder that's obviously going take longer to heal." He doesn't sound at all happy at the thought, but resigns himself to this reality.

"Olivia they will have to show you how to change the dressing at some point too."

Liv nods, "I'll try to get someone to show me today or Saturday, I have to go to work tomorrow," her eyes show nothing but an apology as she looks at Rafael, "and Noah is going back to school too."

Olivia had clearly told the boy about this fact prior to her voicing it now but he still hasn't accepted it, "I don't wanna go to school! I wanna stay with Daddy." He slouches against Lucia crossing his arms as does.

Liv's tone is warning, "Noah," clearly this isn't the first conversation they've had about his attitude.

He continues to pout regardless.

Olivia moves on, "did the doctor say anything else?"

"Yeah, I will need a couple follow up appointments to make sure everything is healing properly and," Rafael indicates the sling he's been wearing, "I have to wear this thing for a month!" His voice completely exasperated which is compounded by his dramatic eye roll.

"I have to do physical therapy as well, and I'll be expected to exercises on my own as well." His pout rivals Noah's.

"Oh don't be such a baby, I'll help you with those." Now it's Olivia's turn to roll her eyes.

This finally pulls a smile out of Rafael. He seats himself on the edge of the bed, dragging his left hand over his face, scratching at the facial hair now adorning his cheeks, chin, and lip.

Billowing out a long breath Raf makes eye contact with Olivia before switching to his mother and son, "can Olivia and I have some privacy for a minute?" He requests.

Before Noah can make any objections Lucia takes his hand, "of course," looking at Olivia, "let me know when it's okay to come back mija." And Lucia and Noah leave closing the door behind them.

Once the door clicks behind them Olivia tilts her head to the side to take in the sight of Rafael sitting there, alive and is overcome with so many different emotions she's sure she wouldn't be able to identify them all. Though she knows among them is love and incredible relief.

"What's up Rafa? Not having second thoughts about marrying me are you?"

Rafael drops his head back to look at the ceiling, and not Olivia, breathing deeply through his nose.

"Are you?" Olivia now feels anxiety wrap her in its grip.

Bringing his head back to her level Rafael shakes his head, "no, of course not, I love you so much and us getting engaged is the one good thing that came out of this shit-storm of a situation."

Squeezing his shut tight Olivia sees tears slip down his face so she gets up to go to him and brings his head into her chest and holds him there to let him cry. For some minutes this was how they stayed.

"Talk to me Rafael," Liv implores.

"I was so scared Olivia, I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me and all I could think of was that stupid argument I had with you and Noah the night before. That I should have said I love you, should have kissed you, told Noah that in long run the vegetables don't matter, what matters is our family and that we love one another. That we do the best we can in life and do as much good as we can." His tears haven't stopped but he does have them under control.

Taking his face between her hands, swipes her thumbs from his cheekbones to over his ears, leaning down she kisses him deeply. Finally being alone she runs her tongue along his bottom lip and does not have to wait for him to open up to her. Together they give themselves times to taste each other, feel each other.

"Baby, I know you love me, even if we don't always like each other all the time, you show me you love me when you still say goodbye and give me a kiss on my cheek when we have a disagreement, or when you send me selfies making some very silly and some incredibly sexy faces that you would never do for anyone else. You love me through loving our son. Don't ever question the love you give Noah and I, we feel it, we believe in it."

Liv, who has stepped between Rafael's legs, his left hand rests at her hip, she kisses his forehead, each cheek, chin, the end of his nose, and down to his lips again.

"I love you Rafa," she whispers against his lips.

Rafael asks if she knows any information about the gunman's motivations.

"There hasn't been any real reason they have been able to find so far, the best people have been able to give us is that Eisenmenger, that was his name, always had a temper and could be very volatile, and we found multiple 911 calls for domestic abuse from previous relationships.

"We are looking into whether any relationships had just ended and if there was any connection to city hall employees." She wished she had more definitive answers for him, to give him some closure.

Once again Rafael rests his head against Olivia's chest, over her beating heart to calm himself, she helps by scratching her nails over his scalp.

She remembers something, "a co-worker of yours, Brandi, called asking about you, she is going to try to come by for a visit if you're okay with that."

He doesn't pick his head up, he has no energy to, "is she okay? Everyone from the conference room are they okay?"

"Yeah they're all fine, physically. They were smart to barricade the door like they did and they took cover the best they could as far from the doors as they could get. Obviously everyone is shaken up but, no injuries in that room."

As if realizing for the first time since he was in the middle of it all Rafael thinks about all the other people involved, "how many dead?"

She can't bear the grief she hears in his tone, "Raf, I don't know if now is the right time, why don't you focus on getting better for now?" Olivia hesitates to reveal details knowing he will only feel guilty after hearing them.

Rafael knows what she is thinking and figures she is probably right, "okay, yeah you're right." Pulling away from Olivia Rafael tries to bring the mood backup, "when do we start our wedding planning? Who are you going to have as your maid of honor because I have dibs on Noah."

She allows the conversation switch by inviting Noah and Lucia back into the room so they can begin the wedding planning.

* * *

A/N: Still more to come, I will do my best to get the next chapter up quickly but I haven't started it yet...

x


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I have been writing this in between hikes while in Utah lol. Please enjoy.

* * *

Brandi comes to visit him Friday, she rushes into the room the second she sees him and goes into a hug, moving much slower as does, bringing herself into him carefully. Her right arm loops over his shoulder while she brings her left is around his torso so as to avoid his shoulder injury.

"Oh my god Rafael, it is so good to see you! We were all so scared, people at the office say hi and get better, I stopped by yesterday but I'm not ready to go back completely quite yet." Her words came out tripping over one another she is speaking so fast.

"Hi Brandi, it's good to see you too, I am not sure when I'll be ready to go back to office, I hope people are okay with that, I can probably work from home some, this stupid sling will take some getting used to though. Olivia said she would help me with my stretches but she can be kind of bossy.." he isn't lying about that, and he is only half scared.

Brandi thinks it's comforting to at least see him laughing, a choked half sob gets muffled by her hand, "god I'm sorry, you must think I'm some kind of crazy for crying when you were the one hurt, but, I'm having so much trouble processing everything that happened I keep cycling through through all these moods."

Rafael looks on as she runs her pinky fingers under her eyes and uses her pointer fingers to dab the corners of them to avoid smudging her makeup. His mouth forms a tight, sympathetic smile as he watches.

Shaking his head Rafael tells her, "not at all Brandi, I get it. Not just from this whole event but this kind of feeling is normal, I've seen Liv go through it enough to know what to expect, generally anyway, and then after the trial -" he cuts himself off, he can only bring himself to talk about it with Olivia and even then it's a struggle to get through. She has the patience of a saint though.

Hugging her arms around her waist Brandi nods, "right, yeah." She looks anywhere but at him and at first Rafael thinks it's the mention of what he did, "sorry you probably don't want me to keep bothering you."

His gaze, which had dropped at the uncomfortable quiet, rises to see she is looking at him once more, "no you don't have to go." Rafael scoots to his right a bit to make room for her on the bed. He pats the spot to his left, "come sit."

She listens, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him before resting her head against him, "you're a good friend Raf, I know I can be kind of a lot sometimes, and that can push people away, they get tired of me, but you always talk to me." Brandi blows out a shaky breath, "thanks for that, it's nice to have someone to talk to about nothing, or anything I guess."

Rafael looks down at the blonde hair that he sees at his shoulder smiling fondly, "Well it's certainly a welcome change working with a bunch of cops."

She laughs and he can feel a few tears soak throw his sleeve.

"How does Olivia feel about you talking about her like that?"

Rafael is content, breathing evenly through his nose, thinking about Olivia, "she doesn't mind, in fact, I think I developed this opinion by osmosis, through her."

Laughing again Brandi lifts her head, "I should probably get going."

She stands as Rafael remembers something.

"Brandi wait, I actually have some good news to share, just uh - just tell anyone else yet. Liv and I didn't talk about how we would tell people."

She is visibly more excited with each word out his mouth, the prospect of him having good news, the fact it isn't open knowledge, that it is something he and Olivia planning on sharing together, her mind is running wild with possibilities.

Holding up three fingers on her right hand she says, "scouts honor."

Rafael let's out a quick laugh, then holds out his left hand, "Olivia proposed, we are gonna get married." He blushes a bit, wondering if this is how you're supposed to tell people. He specifically remembers seeing his friends and their fiancées showing the rings off with the news, did it have to be any different because he was the one wearing it? Rafael decides he doesn't actually care, he's just really happy and that's what matters.

"Oh em gee, that is the best news I've heard in forever!" The age difference between really shows in this moment.

Brandi grabs his hand to get a better look at the ring in his fingers, "aww are the two lines supposed to be you guys meeting and becoming one? I absolutely love that!" She throws her arms around him, just as carefully as she had earlier, and brings him into a warm hug, "congratulations to both of you, I'm so happy for you two!"

"Thanks Brandi, you are actually the first person we've told, I think," he pauses thinking about it, nodding just slightly to himself. "Except Noah and my mother, but they were here when she asked."

"You guys are like the cutest family I have ever seen." Brandi leans in one last time and pecks his cheek with a very brief kiss. "I'm really happy for you Rafael. Tell Olivia I wish you both the best, and that she is pretty much my icon."

"Thanks Brandi, she will love hearing that, although I don't want her holding it over me." He seems like he is about to get lost in thought.

"Well I'm going to go, but it was really good to see you. Get better soon so we can go back to sharing our love of coffee and _Master Chef Jr._ together." She giggles as she steps away.

"I'll do my best." He remembers typing those words to Olivia as he lay on the bathroom floor waiting for help, he does his best to shake it off.

"You better. Goodbye Rafael." And she's gone.

Rafael feels discomfort start to settle and his chest so he grabs for his cell phone and dials Olivia's number. She answers after a few rings.

"Benson," she didn't look to see who was calling.

"I miss you," Rafael doesn't bother properly beginning the conversation, there's no real need to.

Liv sniffles into the line and she sounds a little like she might start crying, "I miss you too honey."

"Brandi just left and I told her I'd do my best to get better and I." He huffs a breath between his teeth.

She understands immediately, "oh Rafa. Things will get easier I promise, you just have to give it time. And talk to someone about it, me included, but it might not hurt to see a professional." Liv knows he doesn't exactly like the idea and she won't force him but she will keep reminding him.

"Are you going to be able to come by today?" He largely ignores what she tells him, or doesn't acknowledge it anyway.

"Yeah, I'm going to pick Noah up from school and then we are going to come by. I thought I could do a full day here but I'm not quite ready for that."

He can't help if it is selfish but he's happy to hear that.

"I miss him too." He sounds so sullen Olivia feels her heart clench for him.

"He misses you too, you were all he could talk about this morning, asking questions non-stop; when are we going to see daddy, can I bring him the picture I drew, do you think he will read to me, when is he coming home? Eventually I just stopped answering and let him get all his questions out and just told him to ask you when we went to visit."

This makes him laugh, "can you make sure he brings the book with him when you guys come here? It would be nice to read to him, feel more normal again."

She sighs lightly, "he packed it 'just in case.'" Olivia lets him know.

"Well he clearly takes after me being so prepared." He knows the reaction he will get and loves that he can predict her so easily.

"Watch it Raf, he also has your ability to talk his way into trouble sometimes." He knew she would say that, he has his comeback ready for her right away.

"Maybe so but he can also talk himself out too."

She chuckles in his ear and it calms him, "yeah I guess you're right."

"One more time for the stenographer please."

"Objection your honor, leading the witness!" She can always bring him back to himself, "I have to get back to work Rafa, but I will see in a few hours. Try to get some rest."

"Liv?" He doesn't want to let her go just yet.

"What's up?"

"I love you." He's smiling while he tells her and he knows she will be smiling by now too.

"I love you too Rafael." He can hear the smile in her voice.

They hang up and he decides to heed Olivia's advice to get some rest. Making himself comfortable on the bed Rafael finds it very easy to drift off to sleep.

When he wakes Noah and Olivia are at his bedside keeping themselves busy. "Hola mis amores," he mumbles sleep still heavy in his voice, making it deeper, scratchy.

Noah peeks away from the iPad for a moment, "hola Papí!" Then he looks back down, to finish whatever game he is playing.

Olivia has an adoring look on her face when he turns to look at her, "bueños tardes mi amor." She decides to keep up with the Spanish for now. "How are you feeling?"

Liv stands so she can go to Rafael who is sitting up and starting to scoot down past the bed rails. Once he stops moving Olivia kisses him for a long moment.

Before they pull away from each other Noah pipes up from behind them, "gross, do you guys always have to kiss?"

Rafael answers first, "yes we do mijo, and some day when you have kids of your own you can gross them out too."

Noah pretends like he is gagging, "no way."

Rafael waves his arm to motion Noah over to them.

Once Noah has climbed onto the bed Rafael drags him into his lap. Noah leans up and gives his father a kiss on the cheek. "Hi Daddy I missed you today."

With his left arm wrapped around his son Rafael squeezes Noah's tummy in as much of hug he can give from their positions. He also presses a kiss to the top of his head, burying his nose in the curls there.

"I missed you too Noh," his face still resting against Noah.

Olivia who has remained standing at the bedside takes comfort in the normalcy of the exchange. She snaps a quick photo of them together, Noah's smaller arms clutching to the arm Rafael has curled around his son, his little boy.

"Noah do you want to show Daddy what you made at school today?" Olivia prompts taking his school bag from the floor to put it on the bed for Noah to rummage through.

Noah immediately delves into the bag, it isn't long before he finds what he is looking for. He pulls out a large piece of construction paper and proudly displays it.

"It's us playing soccer!" The pure innocence and excitement in both his tone and facial expression are a healing salve for Rafael's body and soul. His love for this small human in his arms grows each moment they spend together.

"This is great Noah I love it it! Where are you going to hang it?"

Noah smiles at him, "no silly, it's for you!" There is laughter in his voice as he speaks.

"For me?" The shock and joy are evident on Rafael's face.

Noah nods vigorously in response.

"Can I hang it in my office when I go back to work?" Rafael knows just the spot to put it too.

"Sure!" They are both lost in their own little world of mutual happiness.

"I'll hang it on the wall across from my desk so I can always see it. And I will get to tell everyone at work my son made this just for me." Rafa's chin is resting on Noah's shoulder holding the drawing in front of them picturing it on his wall, "I'll need to buy a frame for it. I can do that when I go home."

He looks up to see that Olivia is sitting once more, spectating, and sharing in their happiness.

Olivia speaks up when he looks at her, "I spoke with the doctor while you were sleeping, he said they are expecting to discharge you tomorrow. Noah and I will be here to pick you up. He also gave me your referral to a physical therapist, it's likely you will have to go once a week for at least a month. And that you will have your stitches out next week, then in two weeks they want to see you to see how your shoulder is healing."

Rafael feels a little overwhelmed at all the information she spouts, and it must be written on his face because Olivia speaks up again, "we will tackle it together, little by little. We will get there, don't worry."

Feeling a little emotional from the last few days and his absolute love and faith in her Raf says, "with you by side there's nothing to worry about."

A full, wide grin pulls the corners of Olivia's mouth up and she stands once more, she moves into his side.

Rafael knows what's coming and uses his hand to cover Noah's eyes as she kisses him three short times. Meanwhile Noah pushes his hand away.

"Gross, not again you guys!" Noah slides himself down to the floor.

"Oye compay I tried to save you from seeing it, you were the one who pushed my hand away."

Noah still has his back to his parents and merely shakes his head. Olivia takes Noah's place next to Rafael, enjoying having him nearby. She has missed him terribly, and it is so much more apparent when his body would normally be close to his, the absence of his presence is sharp and painful each time she feels it.

"I cannot wait for you to be back with us, I miss having you by my side in bed." Olivia hadn't intended for any innuendo in her statement, but that's exactly how Rafael takes, waggling his eyebrows at her.

"One more day nena," he comforts her.

Remembering Brandi's visit from earlier in the day Rafael perks up, "hey Liv? When Brandi was here I told her about getting engaged," he looks at Olivia's face to watch her reaction, she seems to be genuinely pleased about it. "I thought it would be nice to have some good news to give her," Raf's voice is bashful as he talks. "When I showed her the ring she thought the lines converging were meant to symbolize us becoming one, would you know anything about that?"

Ducking her head a blush colors Olivia's cheeks, her head bobs up and down slowly, "I was wondering if anyone would notice that."

Rafael feels his love for her grow, not realizing there had been room for growth still, "if anybody was going to notice unprompted it was going to be Brandi, she is a self described hopeless romantic."

Liv takes his hand and Rafael laces their fingers together remembering something else she had said, "oh, she also said she wishes us both well and that you are, and I quote, 'she is pretty much my icon.'"

Laughing heartily Olivia says, "you're going to have to pass along her number, as an icon I feel like it is my responsibility to impart as much wisdom as possible."

Rafael picks up their joined hands and kisses hers, "you have no idea how much she would love that."

Switching gears Rafael has Noah pull out _Harry Potter_ so they can read together very briefly.

The next day, as promised, Noah and Olivia are back at the hospital so that they can pick up Rafael and take him home. _Home_. Each member of the small family is so ready for this to be over with.

The doctor is in the room by the time Noah and Olivia arrive. He is in the process of checking Rafael's vitals one last time before being discharged. As mother and son walk into the room Rafael looks up, laying eyes on them and his body seems to relax and he takes on a look of elation.

"Hi Daddy!" Noah waves enthusiastically and receives a wave in return that shows just as much as enthusiasm.

After the blood pressure cuff is removed from his arm Rafael welcomes his son with a one armed hug. Olivia strides over to them and leans into Rafael, kissing him on the cheek. The doctor briefs Raf and Liv on how to change the dressing, when to come back to remove the stitches, what doctors to see, when to check in again for progress on how his shoulder is healing, everything they need to know.

Continuing to run down a list of things not to do the doctor says, "any physical activity needs to be very minimal, nothing strenuous." The doctor shifts his eyes back and forth between the couple.

Rafael pipes up, "oh you don't need to worry about that, I work in an office and don't tend to need to lift much."

While Rafael is speaking Olivia is constantly swatting at his chest, then lightly she is patting his cheek, attempting to stop him from speaking, "of course, we understand, that won't be a problem."

"Good, I will go find a nurse who will bring a wheelchair to take you out." With that the doctor leaves the room.

As the doctor is going Rafael looks to Olivia, eyebrows pinched together, a question clear on his face. Liv looks back, eyes going wide trying to convey the subcontext of what the doctor was saying. It is obvious he still doesn't understand so Liv leans in and whispers in Rafael's ear, "he was talking about us having sex you goon."

Tilting his head back Rafael simply says, "ohhh," finally understanding. He then leans in to whisper in her ear, "well you're just going to have to be on top."

She turns her head to look at him, they are very close to one another, faces only inches apart. Olivia smiles entirely, her teeth showing, eyes shining, happy to be able to have a conversation as normal and playful as this one. Rafael's expression mimics Olivia's and he leans in to kiss her for a long moment.

As he pulls away, still keeping very close, Olivia raises one shoulder before dropping it quickly. "I guess I will," she says.

Noah tugs on the sweatpants Rafael is wearing, "Daddy since you're going to be home now will you read to me tonight?"

Looking to Liv quickly Raf says, "claro hijo, did Mamí do a good job while I was here?"

Noah shrugs his shoulders, "I guess, but she doesn't do the voices the same way you do." The sincerity in his voice makes his parents throw their heads back laughing.

All three fast make their way home and Rafael settles himself on the couch, leaning his against the back of it sighing from deep within his chest, "it's good to be home."

Liv walks up behind him, raking her fingers through the dark locks of hair on his head, she bends at the hips so her face is hovering over Rafael's, "it's good to have you home Rafa." She kisses him biting his bottom lip as she does.

From his room Noah yells out, "Daddy, come here please!"

Pushing herself away from him Olivia removes herself from his path as Rafael goes to stand, "it really is good to be home," he smiles and shuffles his way over to the direction of Noah's room.

* * *

A/N: Still more to come, I don't have an end game planned, I am sort of just seeing where this goes and then probably feeling out when it seems to be the end of things. Drop me a line, let me know how you feel!

x


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Here's another installment, there is some smuttiness at the end, nothing graphic.

* * *

Things proceeded as normal after Rafael's homecoming, Olivia and Noah went off to work and school while Raf stayed home to rest and recuperate. Rafael had his stitches removed from his arm, started physical therapy with Olivia there to see the stretches she would need to help him with, and he saw the doctor to check that things were healing properly. Everything was shaping up nicely for the family.

Deciding to ease himself back into work Rafael did what he could from home and consulted over the phone when necessary. After a week of doing this though Raf was more than ready to return full time. He was becoming stir crazy.

Two weeks after the shooting, on a Wednesday, Rafael decided he was ready to be back in his office. He and Olivia had discussed things yesterday and she said that if he was ready to go back then she would support his decision. Both Rafael's boss and Brandi knew he would be in Wednesday and had likely alerted everyone else to his impending arrival.

That Wednesday morning Noah and Olivia were the first to wake and begin their morning routines, Rafael didn't take long to stir once Olivia began to make the coffee.

Dragging his feet slowly across the floor and scratching his chest while he yawned Rafael entered the kitchen.

Scrubbing a hand over his face Rafael gave his family a tired, "good morning."

Olivia reciprocated in kind while handing him a mug of coffee, "morning Rafa."

"Bueñas dias!" Noah greeted after finishing his bite of cereal.

Rafael pressed a kiss to the cheek of each Liv and Noah. Bringing his coffee mug with him Raf made his way back to his bedroom to put on his clothes for the day. Having picked what he would be wearing the night before he returned to the kitchen quickly to refill his coffee. Figuring there would be enough time to return to the apartment Rafael left his belongings by the door.

"Noah ven aquí! We have to leave for school." It had been Rafael's daily reprieve to take Noah to and from school while we wasn't working.

In moments Noah appeared at his father's side, "ready Daddy!" Placing his hand in Rafael's Noah pulled the door open, "bye Momma, have a nice day."

Olivia called back, "you too sweet boy!"

Outside Noah's classroom Rafael stooped to Noah's eye level pulling him into a hug, " adios hijo I will see you tonight."

Baffled by the comment Noah pushed away to see Raf's face, "what do you mean, you're not picking me up?"

Shaking his head Rafael tells his son, "no Lucy will be here this afternoon to collect you, I will see when I get home from work."

A look of horror crossed Noah's face, "no! No! You can't go, I don't want you to go!" The boy shouts in the hallway full of children, their parents, and teachers. All of whom turn to try to understand where the outburst came from and why.

Noah is crying by now and Rafael is totally caught off guard, "Noah breathe, what's going on?" He keeps his voice soft hoping to bring the conversation to a more appropriate volume.

Hiccuping Noah whips his head side to side ferociously, "you can't! I won't let you!"

As he shouts once more Noah clings to Rafael as tightly as he can manage. Without thinking Rafael returns the gesture and stands. Noah continues his crying while he rubs his face on the coat Rafael wears.

There is a continuous mantra coming from both father and son.

Rafael repeats, "it's okay baby, just breathe. You're safe, I love you." Over and over.

While Noah keeps saying, "please don't go. I don't want you to go."

The hallway clears as the two hold onto each other, only Noah's teacher and them remain. Rafael makes eye contact with the teacher signaling they need a moment.

She nods and whispers, "come get me when you're ready."

It's Rafael's turn to nod.

Eventually Noah stops crying and Rafael sets him on his feet. Putting his hands on his son's shoulders Rafael asks, "what's going on Noh?"

Swiping his shirt sleeve under his nose Noah stares at the floor and tells Rafael, in a quiet voice, "I don't want you to get hurt again."

Rafael hadn't even considered the possibility of Noah reacting in such a way to him returning to work and now he wishes he had, to have at least prepared and assured him.

Cupping the boy's cheek Rafael says, "oh Noah I will be alright, I promise." He thinks his heart might just be broken by his son's words and the look he is currently directing his way.

"You promise?" His voice is so small if Rafael hadn't been so close he wouldn't have heard it.

He knows he can't guarantee anything but Rafael nods anyway, willing to do anything to clear the fear out of Noah's thoughts.

"I love you Noah." Rafael whispers in Noah's ear hugging him once again.

Breathing in deeply Noah answers with, "te amo Papí."

Standing again Rafael raps his knuckles gently against the glass on the door to Noah's classroom. His teacher joins them in the hallway, smiling softly at both of them.

"Is everything okay?" She asks.

"Yes Ms. McGrath, it's just this is my first day back at work after getting hurt and Noah is a little nervous that's all." Rafael tells her his gaze shifting between teacher and child.

Noah seems a bit embarrassed by this but Rafael comforts him, brushing his curls away from his face.

Ms. McGrath nods once showing her understanding, "I see," bending down to look at Noah, "would it make you feel better if we called your dad at lunch?"

Smiling at this idea Rafael looks to Noah to find he is already looking at him, "sí?"

Seemingly settled by the thought Noah manages a small smile, "sí."

Quickly Rafael jots his cell number on a slip of paper and hands it off to Ms. McGrath before bidding Noah one final goodbye and exiting the school.

Once outside Rafael pulls out his phone to call Olivia.

"What's up Rafa?" She says in greeting.

Sucking in a harsh breath he blows it out before answering, "Noah freaked out a little about me going to work again. He didn't want me getting hurt."

Rafael tries to pace his breathing so as to keep from crying, he's not sure it's working.

On the other end of the line Olivia sucks a breath between her teeth, "shit, I don't know why I didn't think about this happening. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that before going back to work for the first time."

Blinking the moisture out of his eyes Rafael clears his throat, "why are you apologizing Liv? This isn't your fault, it's no one's fault, who could predict something like this.

"I just needed to talk to you. I felt so guilty leaving him like that, I was tempted to say 'fuck it' and take him home and tell work I wasn't coming in yet today.

"His teacher, Ms. McGrath, she was the one to calm him down, not me. She thought of having him call me at lunch to make sure I was okay. I don't know, does that make me a bad parent? I didn't even know how to comfort my own son!"

By the end of his speech Rafael is close to tears, throat constricting with the effort of keeping them at bay. He stands over to one side because his vision is blurring more each moment. Coughing Rafael begins to cry, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes underneath his glasses and down into his well kept beard. Angrily he rubs a sleeve along his cheeks and under both eyes, in much the same way Noah had used his sleeve to clear his face earlier. Just as he pulls him arm away from his face though a sob breaks free from him and connects to Olivia's ear.

Feeling helpless not being near him Liv simply asks, "where are you Rafa?"

Checking out his whereabouts he says, "a couple blocks from home."

"I haven't left yet, I'll be here when you get back. Do you want to stay on the phone until then?" Olivia asks him.

In a broken tone a "no," slips from Rafael's mouth, he hangs up with no further conversation.

Upon opening the door to their apartment Olivia pushes off the couch, having been anxiously awaiting his return home. In long strides she is at Rafael's side. Without waiting Olivia takes Rafael's face in her hands and kisses him soundly, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth. Raf doesn't wait to respond, he places his hands on Liv's hips and drags her into his body. Pulling back from her kiss Rafael instead nips at Olivia's neck, working his way down to the collar of her shirt. When he arrives at the material Rafael drops his head to her shoulder breathing heavily. Liv cradles his head against her body for a moment before pushing at his shoulders so that she can look into his eyes.

Liv stares at him, looking into his green eyes that are shining with tears. This lighting allows her to see the hazel that traces along his pupils and Olivia can't help but get lost in his stare for a moment, the beauty of his eyes never fails to captivate her, they show such emotion when he is comfortable sharing them with another person, they can also harden to steel if need be. There has never been a time she can recall that meeting his eyes hadn't mesmerized her, at least for a short time. When she looks into his eyes now she sees the uncertainty of his interaction with Noah still affecting him.

"Rafa just because you weren't the one to resolve this one situation does not make you a bad father. No parent is able to deal with every situation ever. Not to mention the fact that you are also dealing with the stress of going back to work the first time yourself. Please don't beat yourself up about this. Noah absolutely adores you and there is no father he could imagine that he would want more that you." Olivia runs her fingers through the greying hair at Rafael's temple as she does her best to comfort him.

Reaching up Rafael takes Olivia's hand and presses it to his face, leaning into it, "you're right nena, I just got so scared seeing him so upset. And I am emotional since this whole situation started."

While he holds her hand to his face Olivia strokes her thumb along Rafael's cheekbone under his eyeglasses.

Now holding her gaze Rafael takes in the stunning look of Olivia, she is the most gorgeous woman in the world to him, "I love you so much Olivia."

She uses the hand still against his face to bring him into another kiss, much softer this time, "I love you too Rafael Barba," her lips still brushing his. "And so does our son, never doubt that."

Nuzzling his nose with Olivia's Rafael nods, "no, I won't."

Standing in the comforting presence of the other for a few moments they don't speak, eventually they do pull apart to make their way to work for the day.

Rafael eases himself back into his workload, answering emails that have so far gone unanswered, returning phone calls, and tidying up loose ends until it is lunch time. At this point in the day Rafael's focus is constantly shifting from what he needs to be doing to his cell awaiting his son's call.

Finally his phone rings, "Hello?" Rafael answers.

"Hi Daddy!" Noah sounds very relieved at the sound of this father's voice on the other end of the line.

"Hola hijo, que pasa?" Rafael holds the conversation for ten minutes before reminding Noah he will see him as soon as he is home from work and that Noah has to return to his lunch with his classmates. ( _what's up?_ )

Once again Noah isn't pleased at the prospect of leaving Rafael while he is working, even if it is just speaking to him, but does as he is told.

At the end of the call Noah has one final request to make, "when Lucy picks me up can I call you again?" There is still anxiety lacing the young boy's words.

Rafael concedes, "claro Noah, hablar entonces. Te amo." ( _Of course Noah, speak to you then. I love you._ )

"Hablar entonces, tambien te amo." Noah repeats back.

Three hours later Rafael is back on the phone with Noah checking in again. He also speaks to Lucy to check that everything went okay at pick up. Lucy assures Rafael that everything went fine, that Noah was his bubbly, smiling self when she arrived to bring him home. She also tells Rafael that Olivia told her she expected to be home in about an hour and a half so she would likely not see Rafael that evening.

"Thank you Lucy, I appreciate the update. Please call me if you need to, or if Noah wants to talk again, it's no bother." Rafael reinterates.

Lucy smiles at the man's words, "you're welcome Raf, I don't think that will be necessary but I will keep it in mind." Knowing that it isn't just Noah that is struggling with Rafael returning to work Lucy adds, "I can send you some pictures from the park this afternoon if that makes you feel better."

Laughing to himself Rafael nods, "I would love that Lucy, thanks."

With that they end their call and go about their afternoons. As Rafael prepares to leave for the day he stops by Brandi's office, "good night Brandi, it will be nice seeing you more often again."

Looking up from her work Brandi offers a smile, "it'll be okay, I guess." She sends a wink his way.

Shaking his head and chuckling Rafael moves to turn away before recalling something Olivia said, "oh, I nearly forgot, Liv wanted me to pass her number along to you. She thought it might be nice to get to know one another, and of course impart her wisdom as your icon."

Throwing her head back Brandi laughs while waving him over so she can program Olivia's number into her own phone.

"Well I definitely won't be passing up this opportunity!"

Rafael notices Brandi has saved Olivia's contact in her phone with an exclamation point at the end of her name and smiles to himself. Turning on his heel Rafael says goodbye to Brandi again over his shoulder, hearing her send one his way as well.

He makes it home in record time, calling Olivia on his way to see if there is anything he should grab for dinner, "do we need any wine?"

"No, we have a bottle of white still, and I made chicken for dinner tonight so that's fine. I should warn you now though, prepare yourself, the second you walk through the front door you will have a seven year old missile launched at you." Olivia's voice holds complete sincerity as she tells him this.

Rafael barks out a short laugh, "I can't wait."

Her prediction comes true, hearing keys turn the lock Noah instantly perks up and gets to his feet. By the time Rafael has the door open Noah is there waiting for his father to step into the apartment. His first step in the house Rafael is met with Noah holding his arms up to him.

Taking Noah under his arms Rafael lifts him into a hug, "hi hijo, I missed you today."

Noah rests his cheek on Rafael's shoulder and burrows into his neck, his words tickle Rafael's skin, "yo tambien Papí."

From that point on things seem like any other night of the week, unexceptional and routine. All three settle into this feeling, welcoming it after a turbulent couple of weeks. Once Noah is sleeping in his bed Rafael and Olivia are left to themselves.

Before Rafael sits down on the couch he goes to his briefcase and pulls a card from it, handing it to Olivia as he nears where she rests on the couch. There she sits with socked feet tucked under her, wine in one hand while the other is propped on the back of the couch bent at the elbow, head in hand facing to the side Rafael sits.

The light green envelope has Olivia's name in very neat and tidy handwriting, below her name she sees Rafael's printed in smaller letters held within parentheses. Smiling from one side of her mouth Liv opens the envelope reading a short but thoughtful note and turns to Rafael.

"Brandi is very sweet, she is congratulating us on our 'pending nuptials' as she put it." Olivia leans to place the card on the coffee table in front of them.

"I passed along your phone number today, so I am sure you will be hearing from her soon. Although she does get self-conscious easily, she thinks she can be too much." placing a hand on her knee Rafael begins to massage his fingers over Liv's leg.

Shrugging Olivia picks up her phone, "well there is no need for me to wait to hear from her. I am going to text Brandi to thank her for the nice card she gave _me_." She feels Rafael squeeze her knee at the implication the card wasn't at all for him, even though she's correct, it really wasn't for him.

Liv shoots off a quick text.

O: Raf just gave me your card, that was very thoughtful of you!

Nearly immediately she gets a response.

B: Oh my pleasure, Rafael always talks about you, how much you do to help people and tbh I just think you are kind of incredible!

O: You're very sweet, he speaks very highly of you too. If you are free this weekend I would love to be able to get lunch with you.

B: That would be just the best thing ever.

O: How does Saturday afternoon sound? Noah and Raf can handle themselves and we can meet up and do our own thing.

B: Perfect! 1:00?

O: Great, we can meet here and figure out what we want to do from here.

B: I can't wait!

By the end of their text conversation Olivia has wormed her toes underneath Rafael's butt to warm them up.

"I have a date on Saturday," Olivia taunts Rafael.

Running his hand up her thigh, under her shirt, and to her hip, "well what do you need me for then?" Rafael questions.

"What else would we talk about?" She is feeling very playful tonight, grabbing the hand he has on her skin she pulls it further under her shirt then jumps ahead a few steps and straddles him. "Besides, as much as I like to appreciate the looks of women I wouldn't give you up for anything."

Sinking herself into his lap Olivia cuts to the chase and swipes her tongue into Rafael's mouth. Moaning Rafael begins to push Liv's shirt up off of her. She worries his bottom lip between her teeth before sinking into it forcing a growl from Rafael's throat.

In her bra and pants Olivia stands and pulls Rafael to his feet and drags him to their bedroom.

"Get those clothes off baby, I'll show you just how much I need you," Olivia shoves him toward the bed as she closes the door behind her.

"Aye dios mio, te amo nena." Rafael's voice is deep and gravelly with want as he strips himself down.

Olivia shimmies herself out of her remaining clothing and saunters over to the bed where Rafael has laid himself down. Settling over him Liv rolls her hips against his.

Pressing their bodies together from hips to shoulders Olivia takes one of his earlobes in her teeth and hisses out, "tambien te amo Rafa."

Pressing open mouth kisses Liv travels down his neck to Rafael's collar bone where she bites down hard, leaving an impression of her teeth, sucking that same spot and soothing it with her tongue when she is done. Repeating the process one more time.

Hands gripping her hips roughly, in a bruising grip, Rafael groans out a warning, "Olivia, you're going to leave a mark."

She continues her journey down to his nipples where she sucks and nips for a few moments feeling him grow hard beneath her, "that's the idea baby."

Pushing himself up to rest on an elbow Rafael takes some control bringing her mouth to his once again and using the hands he has on her hips pushes her to her knees so he can bring a hand between them. Rafael finds Olivia's center and feels how wet she is.

"I want to be inside you Olivia, I know you want me there too, stop torturing us," he begs.

Liv doesn't respond verbally, instead taking his erection in her hand she position him at her entrance and swiftly impales herself on him to the hilt. She shudders at the feeling while he falls flat to the bed already panting at the sensation of being inside her hot, tight body.

After a short moment she begins to bounce up and down on top of him, setting an easy pace for the two of them, Rafael meeting her thrusts with his own. She is moaning and crying his name as he pants for breath. Knowing the signs that tell him she is close Rafael snakes a hand between them and plays with Olivia's clit. She begins to seize over him the instant he touches her. The pace of their movement speeds up and soon they are both hurtling to a shattering climax.

Coming down from their high Rafael spreads his hands along Olivia's back, relishing in the sweat he touches, and rolls them, pulling out of her as he does. With an empty feeling Olivia whimpers and her eyes flutter open to find his as they both lay on their sides facing each other.

"Good lord that felt good." Liv tells him, eyes hazy from her orgasm lids dropping nearly closed ready to rest.

Rafael kisses her chastely and agrees, "mmm, you always feel good mi amor."

Liv stands and makes her way to the master bath to use the restroom and clean herself. Returning to the bedroom she finds Rafael on his side waiting for her, eyes following her every move. He has settled himself near the center of the bed so Olivia slips in the blankets behind him and spoons her front to his back, palm flat to his stomach. Peppering kisses to his neck and shoulder blades she feels sleep pulling her under.

"Good night Rafa, I love you so much."

Lacing their fingers together over his ribs Rafael returns the sentiment, "night 'Livia, I love you too, always."

Squeezing their fingers together Olivia feels the ring that adorns his finger against her own and lets sleep take them under, together.

* * *

A/N: Should I end it here? Let me know what you all think. I do have more ideas if you want to read them, not sure if this is still holding people's interest.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This is only a brief little interlude to feed your appetites until the next really full chapter. I apologize for the wait, I've been lazy. And a bit busy, but mostly lazy. Fear not, the next chapter I will be including a PT session for Rafael, and subsequent exercises with he and Olivia, as has been requested. Also the "date" with Brandi will be in there. There will eventually be a wedding too.

* * *

Taking care of the aftermath of the shooting and bringing some normalcy back into their lives Olivia and Rafael realize that they haven't shared their good news with nearly anyone. Upon figuring this fact out they decide that the engagement should be open knowledge and should, in fact, be happily told to any and everyone, most especially those they loved.

The next day Olivia calls Fin into her office to tell him about her proposal and subsequent engagement to Rafael. She would tell Amanda and Sonny next but Fin was among her closest friends and deserved to be told privately.

"Fin, a moment?" Olivia summons.

Raising an eyebrow and looking at the spot the lieutenant just vacated Fin pushes himself from his chair. He saunters easily into the office and hangs slightly inside the doorway. He finds Olivia leaning against the front of the desk, instead of her usual position sitting behind it.

Liv offers a grin and nods her head to the side, "come in, and close the door please." Her tone is even and gives away nothing.

Doing as he is told Fin steps up behind one of the chairs in the room, allowing his weight to shift into it, "what's up Liv?"

The grin that adorns her lips stretches wider and her teeth peek through, "I have some really good news for once."

Obviously intrigued Fin leans into the chair more, allowing him to be minutely closer to the conversation, "give it to me, we don't get enough of that around here."

A short laugh leaves Olivia's mouth before morphing back into a smile she couldn't prevent if she wanted to, "Raf and I are getting married!"

Her excitement is clear even though her voice is kept quiet so as to not draw attention to her office.

Shocked Fin takes a small step backwards, "for real? Well c'mon show me the ring baby girl."

Liv knew she could count on Fin to share her happiness, but she shakes her head, "it's on his finger actually." She laughs at the confusion that crosses her friends features, " _I_ asked _him_."

"No shit? Damn," he moves around the chair and steps closer to Olivia pulling her into a hug. Turning his head into her he says, "congrats Liv, it's good to see you happy considering all the crap that you've gone through."

Taking a deep breath in through her nose Liv closes her eyes to savor the moment between them, "thanks Fin, I really am happy."

He gives her a final pat on the back before pulling away. Putting space between them once more Fin smiles at her, simply taking her in. Her expression is peaceful, serene. He thinks if anyone deserves happiness it's her, she's dealt with so much her whole life and he has seen her at her worst. His thoughts settle on one thing, he is finally going to see her at her best.

"So how did it happen?" He asks.

She recounts the story to him and he holds in his comments about who really wears the pants in the relationship, because it isn't about that. He's seen them together and knows they both hold equal footing with each other. He's also beyond that sort of thinking, if working SVU has taught him anything it's the strength of women, the fearlessness.

With one last hug Fin leaves her office, Olivia trailing behind him.

Pointing two fingers, one at each detective, Olivia calls the two in next, "you're up Rollins and Carisi."

With a shrug of his shoulders Sonny makes his way to Liv's office. Amanda shoots Fin a look but his focus is elsewhere.

Waiting for Amanda to enter Sonny closes the door, "what do you need lieu?"

Deciding to cut to the chase Olivia tells them, "I'm engaged!" Her arms spread wide, eyes moving back and forth from Amanda to Sonny.

"Oh my gosh that's amazing," Amanda walks into Liv for a strong hug. A heeled boot clicks as she takes a step away, but not far enough that she can't catalogue each expression on Olivia's face for the remainder of the news, "tell me everything!"

Amanda's light pink lips can't contain the smile she is wearing, and she does nothing to stop it. Sonny, behind her, is also smiling, eyes wrinkled at the corners, laugh lines proudly showing. In that moment Olivia realizes there are few smiles in the world that compare to that of Sonny Carisi. When he smiles, he smiles with everything in him, and it is infectious.

"No way Olivia, that's amazing! Congratulations." Carisi nods enthusiastically in her direction. "How'd Barba pop the question?"

Liv doesn't fault them for the assumption that it was Rafael that did the asking, she merely sets them straight, "he didn't."

There is no elaboration from Olivia for the simple satisfaction of seeing the confusion flit across each of their faces.

After she gets what she wants from her pause Liv continues, "I did the question popping, so to speak." Bending one knee and fanning out her fingers Olivia displays herself as though showing off.

"What? Are you serious?" It's times like these that Amanda's southern accent is that much more apparent.

Bowing her head, some hair falling in her face, Olivia gives a short, but bright, chuckle while nodding in the affirmative. She knows having to explain this part to people will become tiresome, but not here, not with these people.

"Yup. The ring was actually what I had you get for me out of my office that night," she keeps the allusion brief, knowing they will follow along without further detail. "I asked Noah and Lucia for their blessings and then proposed the next day."

"And you're just tell me now! Why did you make me wait?" She isn't taking it personally that she wasn't given the news sooner, the comments Amanda is making are simply to get a light-hearted laugh out of Olivia.

And indeed it does, "it sort of just didn't occur to us that we didn't say anything to people, there has been so much going on."

"What about Barba? Has he told anyone?" Carisi asks, still calling him by his last name, old habits die hard.

Shrugging Olivia simply tells them, "just one co-worker he is close with, who was there that day. Raf wanted to give her some good news. Other than that just Lucy really, but Noah was the one who told her."

Amanda crosses her arms, settling herself in for more details, "so…" she rolls her hands in encouragement, "how'd it happen?"

I'm a bashful kind of manner Olivia looked at them through her lashes and a blush tinting her cheeks, "I don't know, I guess I didn't see the point in waiting any longer. I had been trying to plan something, something I thought he needed, what he is deserving of but nothing was ever going to be good enough for that.

"And I didn't want to wait anymore so I asked him shortly after he woke up. Part of me also knew that he might go through the same hesitant process I found myself in and didn't want to wait for him to finally figure out it's just him I need."

Olivia's eyes widen slightly, and mumbling to herself, she says, "I need to say that to him." She knows he will be very smug hearing it. She also knows that he is very much aware of this but hearing it said aloud feels very nice, validating.

Leaning towards Olivia Sonny asks, "what was that?"

"No nothing, just thinking." Liv shakes herself out and stands. "Anyway, that's all. Back to work." Shooing them away with her words and hands.

She snaps effortlessly in her Lieutenant mode, to her detectives anyway, she didn't intend to get to work quite yet. Unlocking her phone Liv navigates effortlessly to her most frequently used contact. With an easy touch of her finger she waits for Rafael to answer his phone.

"Hi baby what's up," it was very rare that he ever, if at all, called Olivia baby in English.

With a sweet sigh falling from her lips Liv sits up a little straighter, "hola nene, que pasa?" Laughing at herself Olivia doesn't allow him to cut in. "I just told the squad our news." ( _hi baby what's up?_ )

Like a love sick puppy Rafael rests his chin in the palm of his hand and smiles to himself, _our news_ , they had news, together, as a singular unit. And it would be like forever now. Shaking himself from his revere Rafael tunes back into the conversation, "how did it go?"

"Fine," flapping a hand he can't see Olivia continues, "but that's not why I'm calling."

She pauses just enough for Rafael to slip in, "oh no? So why are you calling then?"

"I am _calling_ because I wanted to tell you something I know you know. I know is implicit between us. But something I never want to take for granted, something I never want you to go without hearing.

"While I was telling Amanda and Carisi about our getting engaged, how it happened, I told them it was because I was waiting for something perfect, something I thought you needed, or that I _know_ you deserve. And I knew if it was going to be you to be the one of us who proposed you would do the same thing." Olivia pauses to let that sink in. The fact that they are an inevitability, a guarantee, there is no avoiding their love and where it will take them.

"I told them that I didn't want to wait for you to figure out that you're all I need. Just you. I need you Rafael, I love you, so much. Anything and everything else is simply an added bonus."

Rafael remains quiet the entire time she speaks, gives her the time she needs to get this out. She can hear his even breathing after she finishes.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

"Right now I'm thinking that I have never loved anyone the way I love you, that I didn't know this kind of feeling existed until I met you, and Noah. I'm thinking that I don't like telling you how right you are because I know how smug you will be when we get home tonight. I'm thinking that I love how right you are and how well you know me. Because if I'm being completely honest with you Liv, I was trying for something perfect to ask you to marry me and the I've had a ring for you for two months now. That's what I'm thinking about right now."

His tone has gone husky and it goes straight through her. His words, however, stick to her heart and she cherishes them.

"Are you planning on giving me that ring?" Olivia wonders, a whisper is all she can manage at the moment, the weight of his words effecting her so greatly.

Rafael laughs and it's the best thing she has heard in a long time.

"I didn't want to steal your thunder nena."

She shakes her head making her request, "no say it English, I like the way it sounds. After this you can stick to Spanish."

"Okay, I love you baby," Raf growls out.

"I want that ring on my finger tonight." Liv demands.

"Say it I'm Spanish and I'll do whatever you want," comes Rafa's response.

A dark chuckle tickles his ears, she knows exactly what he means,"nene I want you to put that ring on my finger when we get home tonight. I'll make sure not to keep you waiting."

"Dammit Olivia you couldn't wait until we were _home_ to tell me all this," her laugh is the best thing he has heard in a while too, "I hope you don't expect to get too much sleep tonight."

"Oh? And why would that be?" She feigns innocence.

His voice drops a full octave, she swears it, "because I am going to show you just how much I love you."

"Mmm," she moans, " that sounds absolutely delectable"

"You're teasing me on purpose now. Be fair baby." He goads.

"Now who's teasing nene?" Olivia isn't going to back down from him.

Rafael groans out her name in response. Suddenly, from somewhere in the background Olivia hears a distant voice, "uh oh, should I come back?" And then there is resounding laughter.

Next is Rafael's voice right there in her ear, "Brandi I swear to God if I hear you speak one word of this I won't let you go on any dates with Olivia."

"Rafael!" Olivia's voice hits his ears sounding frazzled.

"Was I not supposed to tell her it was a date?" His voice very clearly directed into the phone. Then, to Brandi, "did you know you're dating my fiancée?"

He has both women laughing at this point, and then there is a distinct pinging noise and a muffled "ow!" from Rafael. "This is my pen now I hope you know. I don't care if it's your favorite, that's what you get for hitting me in the face with it."

This phone call has gone horribly off the rails, "I have to go back to work you big dork."

Turning his attention back to Liv Rafael says to her, "me too. I love you."

An aw can be heard from the background and, laughing sweetly Olivia says it back, "I love you too."

* * *

A/N: Until next time my loves.

x


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry this took a while, I had a hard time with the part of Brandi and Olivia's interactions. I want to say thank you to everyone readying this story, I really appreciate it so much! Also a special thanks to anyone who has reviewed but especially BJ!

* * *

That night Olivia arrived home just in time for dinner.

She walks through the door to find that Noah is sitting on the floor of the living room reading very loudly to his father. She is greeted with a hello from Noah and he quickly moves back to reading. Dropping her coat, keys, and shoes off in the entryway Liv moves to Noah and kisses his hair to greet him. She then goes to the kitchen to greet Rafael. He is finishing chopping vegetables for a salad, Liv steps up behind him to wrap her arms around his waist and rests her chin on his shoulder.

She takes his earlobe in her teeth to tug on it before she kisses just behind it. Leaving her lips where they lay she says, "hola nene que pasa?" To tease him.

His head drops to rest to her shoulder causing them to be cheek to cheek, "you can be very cruel sometimes, you know that señora?"

Rafa feels her laughter hum through his chest, pressed together as they are. Olivia twists so she can give him a soft, barely there kiss at the corner of his mouth, "not a señora yet Rafa."

"Well I do plan to put a ring on your finger tonight, doesn't that count for anything?" He stands himself back up to toss the veggies into the salad. Liv hugs his middle tighter for a moment before she steps away, but stays close enough to whisper to him, "ask me again after you fuck me and we'll see."

She's unable to move it takes Rafa such a short time to spin around and grab her to him, kissing her quite soundly. With a nibble of her bottom lip Rafael releases Olivia just as abruptly as he caught her.

"You bet your sweet ass we will." He says to Olivia, and turning to Noah he shouts, "ven mijo, comida." ( _Come son, food._ )

They eat as a family, sharing stories from their days. Noah recounts a tale from recess in which a game of kickball had been played and he kicked so well that the ball hit next to the highest windows of the school building. Both parents are very impressed. After finishing dinner and dessert Rafael leaves Noah and Liv on the couch to watch some television to go get the ring he has been waiting to give Olivia for months now. It is an oval cut moonstone set with a small circular diamond on either side of it on a platinum band. Once the ring box is in his hand Rafael steadies himself. Though he knows exactly the outcome of what he is about to do he can't help but be nervous.

Blowing out a breath Raf squares his shoulders and returns to his family.

Rounding the couch and bowing to one knee Rafael looks at Olivia, whose attention he captured with his movements. "Noah, I have a question to give Momma, do you think I should ask her?" He uses the same phrasing his son had in the hospital room that day.

With a grin that's wide and toothy, with those that are left anyway, Noah nods eagerly. The boy sits up from his place with his head on Olivia's lap in order to train his full attention on his parents.

"Olivia Benson, will you also marry me?" Raf asks flipping open the lid of the box.

For reasons Liv will not justify with a single thought she is in tears at his question. "You really are a dork Rafa," she manages to squeak out between sniffles.

Liv decides it's okay she's crying because she takes a look at her two boys and sees tears shining there too. Once she sees Rafael hasn't moved she makes an impatient hand gesture so he will hurry up and put the ring on her damn finger.

For reasons Raf will not justify with a single thought he releases a sigh of relief.

With sure fingers Rafael lifts the ring from its velvet bedding and shows it to Olivia, "it's moonstone. Some ancient cultures believed that the stone fell out of the sky from the moon and landed on earth because of its beauty. Others thought that if a couple met on a full moon with one wearing the stone it meant their love would be true. And some believed that it could help to predict the future.

"I choose to believe all of those things Olivia, because I don't see how a beauty like yours could be created on this Earth. I've never laid eyes on anyone like you. To me, your beauty is of the heavens. And I had planned on proposing on a full moon, but I'm not sure it would have mattered, our love is the truest thing I have ever known. And if it does help to predict the future I'm really counting on it showing us nothing but happiness. With you two at my sides I know that's what I'll get."

At last Raf slides the ring past the last knuckle of Olivia's left ring finger, at which point Liv meets his eyes and proclaims, "we match!" Laughing through the tears that only became stronger with his incredible words.

Touching her left hand to his cheek Olivia says to him, "I love you so much Rafael Barba. And I hope you know that all those beautiful things you just told me, I feel them too. You are beautiful, and my true love, and my happy ending."

Finally they kiss each other. Noah cheers at their side, after they break apart he demands to see Olivia's ring.

"What do you think hijo, did I do a good job?" Rafael questions the boy as he scoops him up to take a seat underneath him.

Planting a kiss in his father's beard Noah giggles while wrinkling his nose, "yes Daddy you did a very good job."

At Noah's bedtime it has become a habit of theirs to share the high point of the day and the low point of the day, with all three family members contributing. Olivia has requested that the low always go first so the last thing spoken is a good one.

Olivia starts them off, "my low was all the paperwork I did today and the pile hasn't even gotten any smaller!" She pulls some laughter from Noah and Rafael with the amount of exasperation in her voice. With a cheesy smile stretching her lips she shares her high, "my high was saying yes to marrying daddy."

Rafael is next, "my low was getting hit in the face with a pen that Brandi threw at me."

He is interrupted with a quick, "you're really silly Daddy," from a laughing Noah.

Continuing on Rafael says, "my high was mommy saying yes to marrying me."

As is customary Noah goes last, "my low was that there was popcorn chicken for lunch today and I brought mine from home."

A loud bark of laughter falls out of Rafael as he swoops a hand to Noah's stomach to tickle him, "now who is the silly one mister?"

In a fit of giggles Noah pushes Rafael by the nose. As he is once again under control he starts back up, "my high was the park with Lucy," knowing he will get a reaction from his mom and dad.

They both narrow their eyes at him, pretending to pout.

"Just kidding! It was Momma saying yes to you Daddy. Obviously," he declares in a tone only a child can manage.

Once Noah is sleeping they put themselves to bed as well, at least in bed anyway. In the bedroom as Olivia is peeling her work clothes from her body Rafael walks up behind her. She has gotten herself down to bra and underwear when she feels the smooth skin of Rafael's hand slip over the skin of her hips. She puts her left hand over his and feels the matching jewelry they now both wear clink together.

Raf nuzzles her neck send a tingling along her spine, growing in strength as he whispers, "I love you so much."

He presses a series of burning hot open mouth kisses to her neck until he comes to the juncture of neck and shoulder where he grazes his teeth earning himself a shiver.

Turning in his arms Olivia slides her palms under Rafa's shirt and, dragging her nails as she goes, removes it, "take me to bed Raf, show me how much you love me."

Kissing her, tongue gliding against Olivia's then flicking at the roof of her mouth, "as long as you promise to do the same."

Liv takes her time ghosting her lips to the corner of his mouth, his cheek, the corner of his eye, his forehead, to his nose then repeating the process at the other side of his face. Once again she glides her lips to Raf's nose but instead bumps their noses together, enjoying the tender moments of closeness.

A breathy, "always" blows across his lips.

They walk their way to their bed and proceed to show each other just what the love they share feels like, as well as they can.

Friday mornings is the time Rafael has designated for his physical therapy appointments. This particular Friday is no different.

"Okay Mr. Barba, we're going to start off the usual way, I'll put the electrodes on your shoulder and heat wrap it. And as always just call me over if you're experiencing any discomfort." The therapist's voice is always so polite and it always irritates Rafael during this part.

As she is applies the stick on electrodes around his shoulder Rafael squints in her direction, "so what is that made you want to be a physical therapist? My money is on the low level sadism. Is that it?"

Smirking the therapist, Nora, levels her eyes to his, then looking around the room she leans into him, "don't tell anyone else or I'll up the shock intensity, but you're totally right, I like seeing people in pain." The look in her eyes belies her words.

Nodding sagely Rafael merely says, "I knew it."

A bubble of laughter floats between the pair as she finishes prepping his shoulder before leaving to exercise another client.

Minutes later Nora is back at his side, having removed the heat wrap, she now massages his shoulder to loosen the muscle there.

For the next 30 minutes she reminds him of the stretches and exercises they've been working on to build back, strengthen, and make the muscle affected by the shooting and subsequent surgery.

Nora hands him a blue resistance band, after she anchors on side tells Rafael, "okay Mr. Barba -"

He cuts her off, "Nora please it's Rafael."

With a small smile she restarts, "alright _Rafael_ this one's super simple, pull forward and then ease the band back."

He works through the appropriate reps she gives him and one after another they go through each exercise. The last item on the agenda calls for Rafael to be laying on his back and rotating his arm in various directions. But he needs to be keeping his shoulder flat to the table he is on.

Nora assists in holding his shoulder down. "I want you try to keep it flat to the table."

Glaring at her Rafael says in a snippy tone, "I _am_ trying to keep it flat."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." Nora chirps without flinching at his remark.

Grumbling something she can't hear Rafael does his best to do what he is told. Still his shoulder lifts from the table. Nora pushes down harder, "ow! That hurts! You really do like seeing people in pain don't you?"

"Love it." Nora keeps her focus on his shoulder though, Rafael can still see the smirk she fails to hide.

The session ends with an ice wrap and a goodbye.

After arriving at work Rafael heads to the bathroom to change to a more work appropriate outfit, even if it was casual Friday. The day goes on normally and he makes it home in good time.

Walking through the door Rafael sees Lucy and Noah putting together a puzzle. Which, from what was shown of the front of the box, would be a picture of a jungle of animals when complete.

"Hey Lucy, how's it going?" His tone is light with the thought of having a completely free weekend.

"Hi Raf, things are good, me and the little man here started working on this puzzle while we waited for you to get home." Lucy scoots her chair out from under the table to stand. She stretches her arms over her head.

After kicking off his shoes and leaving them by the door Rafael moves to the table where Noah and Lucy are, "wow, and you just started this afternoon?" He asks impressed at their progress. Once again looking to Lucy he re-engages with her, "how are you doing today?"

She smiles and nods, "good, I had a couple of classes in between shuffling children around." Lucy laughs and pushes her hair back behind her ears. Ruffling Noah's hair as he continues to work on fitting puzzle pieces together Lucy steps away to start to gather her things.

"So nice and relaxing it sounds like," Raf jokes.

Laughing through her nose Lucy pulls her jacket on, "oh yeah, life is a beach for me."

Rafael walks Lucy to the door as she fills him on what she and Noah had gotten up to since coming home from school. As the door shuts behind Lucy Rafael spins on a socked heel to walk his back to his son.

Taking the chair recently vacated by Lucy Rafael plops himself down, "hola amigo, did you have a good day today?"

"Sí Papí, Lucy y yo nos divertimos." Noah's Spanish was getting very good. ( _Yes Daddy, Lucy and I had fun._ )

"Sólo tu y yo mañana, qué quieres hacer?" Raf sticks to Spanish to help with more practice. ( _It's just you and I tomorrow, what do you want to do._ )

"Vamos a Governor's Island." Noah squeaks, still not looking up from his puzzle pieces, "Miguel dijo que hay - como se dice _slides_?" ( _Let's go to Governor's Island, Miguel said there are - how do you say_ slides)

"Toboganes." Rafael informs.

"Miguel dijo que hay toboganes!" Noah finishes off, finally peeking up at Rafael having successfully placed his puzzle piece.

"Deberíamos invitar Abuelita que venir con nosotros?" Rafael wonders if Noah can work this one out on his own, they hadn't gone through all these words yet. ( _Should we invite Abuelita to come with us?_ )

"No entiendo," Noah's brow wrinkles. ( _I don't understand._ )

"Let's break it down okay?" With a nod from Noah Rafael goes on, " _debeíramos_ means we should, or should we, I should is _debo_ and you should is _debería_." Noah has fully turned into his father now so he can give his lesson his full attention, "What about invitar, what does that sound like?"

Pushing out his bottom lip and angling his head to think Noah takes a moment then says, "invite," rather excitedly.

"Sí, perfecto!" Rafa and Noah high-five, " _que_ _venir_ what do you think that means?"

" _Venir,_ hmmm I'm not sure, but _con nosotros_ is with us." Noah worked through what he knew already.

"Yes, very good. So what do we have so far?" Raf prods further.

Noah takes a few moments to piece what he learned together, "should we invite Abuelita with us."

"Right, so what's left? Que venir, it means to come. If we put it all together I asked you 'should we invite Abuelita with us.'"

"Ay, claro!" Noah readily agrees. ( _oh, of course!_ )

Together father and son put all puzzle pieces together while they wait for Olivia return home. Once she is home they make pizza as a family and watch a movie as they do so. After dinner they play charades before completing their night with a bedtime story for Noah and some drinks and alone time for Olivia and Rafael.

On Saturday it is time for Olivia to meet with Brandi. Liv is in the bedroom trying to decide what to wear, she wants to make a good impression with her date after all. Hearing a buzzing from the front of the apartment she knows she has to hurry up and decide. She goes with something simple in the end, blue jeans and grey t-shirt before running to buzz Brandi in.

Upon hearing the knock on the door Olivia pushes her earring into her ear and shuffles to the door to open it while putting the second earring in.

Liv opens door to find Brandi standing there with a bouquet of sunflowers. Laughing Liv steps aside to let Brandi in.

Merely shrugging Brandi says, "I thought I would keep the date gag running."

"Well they are beautiful, thank you." Olivia takes them from the woman's outstretched hand and finds them a vase.

Turning back to the younger woman Liv tells her, "I'll be honest with you, I didn't put too much thought into what we would do today, I wasn't sure what you might like, there is a nice little place down the street that serves brunch if you would be into that?" She feels oddly nervous, maybe it was because everyone kept joking about this being a date.

"Ooh I love brunch, let's do it!" Brandi jumps at the suggestion.

Olivia grabs a jacket and together she and Brandi make their way to Bubby's for brunch. After being seated the waiter takes their drink orders, a mimosa and water for each.

"So, I know you have that criminal justice degree, what made you want to study that?" Liv steers the conversation into an area she she is very interested in.

"Well my dad was a cop and I always wanted to follow in his footsteps, so I decided to go to college and learn as much as I could, I wanted to make my dad proud." She doesn't make eye contact with Liv while she explains herself.

"Why didn't you end up in law enforcement then?" Olivia asks then finishes off her mimosa, Noah isn't going to be home for a while so she feels okay getting a little buzzed off of bottomless mimosas.

It's obvious to Olivia that Brandi is getting anxious with the direction the conversation was going but decides she will let Brandi figure out how she wanted to handle things.

After knocking back the rest of her own mimosa Brandi finally looks Liv in eye as she speaks, "well in school one of my advisors suggested victim's advocacy instead. Then I started struggling a lot, I got diagnosed as bipolar and had a tough time with things. I went to a few different counselors while I was at school but I wasn't in a place to handle what they were telling me." She takes a breath and gages how Olivia is reacting to what she is saying, "sorry, I know this is a lot, I can stop."

"No please, don't. It must be a lot to hold in and I'm sure you don't get a lot of opportunity to speak about all this." Olivia is fully understanding, she does know how hard things like this can be and is sympathetic to that. She also truly wants to get to know the young woman who is helping Rafa with having a better work environment.

"Well I'll skip some of it but I ended up attempting suicide and was in a psych hospital after. Basically one of the people helping to care for me while I was there told me I wasn't going to be a good advocate because I couldn't handle it with my mental illness. It was devastating to hear, especially at such a vulnerable point in my life." Brandi is shaking some as she goes on. The waiter has refilled each woman's mimosa so she takes another large gulp of her drink.

Olivia reaches across the table and lays her hand on top of one of Brandi's, "but look at you now, Raf is in awe of you sometimes, he can't believe how much energy and motivation you seem to have in the office."

Bowing her head Brandi and lets out a mirthless sound, "I guess, I'm still scared though, still working in the background, not with the victims like I want to be."

"You'll get there, I know you will. And Raf and I will do what we can to help. We know a few people," Liv jokes, raising her eyebrows up and down a couple times.

They moved onto other, lighter topics like favorite wines, movies, tv shows finding they actually had quite a bit in common with each other.

Walking back to Olivia's apartment side by side the two women are laughing continuously.

"Worst date you've ever been on?" Olivia prompts.

Thinking for a couple moments Brandi then says, "okay well this one isn't the worst date but I have never gotten over this one guy who showed up to meet me for the first time in sweatpants. It has always really bothered me!"

Shaking her head Liv simply says, "men."

"I know right?" Brandi asks incredulously. "What's your worst date?"

"Hmmm well I did once get set up on a blind date by a friend of a friend when he thought I had been single too long. I show up to this weird bar he wanted to meet me at, which should have been my first tip off that things were not going to end well. I find him sitting in a booth and all night he went on and on about himself. He was a psychic, divorced but on good terms with his ex who was pregnant with their third child. I ended that one as quick as I could." They wander up the stairs to the apartment door.

Brandi is almost doubled over from laughing so hard, "woof, that is no good." Stumbling through the door.

Liv notices two extra pairs of shoes than when she left earlier and knows Raf and Noah must be home. Seeing Noah on the couch confirms this.

"Hello sweet boy, how was your day with Papí and Abuelita?" She asks toeing off her own shoes, moving over to allow Brandi to step through.

Looking up from his ipad Noah greets his mother, "hola Mamí," Noah's face shows that it has been painted to resemble a tiger. "We had lots of fun! We had our faces painted."

"I see that! You make a very handsome tiger. This is daddy's friend from work Brandi, can you say hello." Olivia delights in the joy on her son's face, especially as it stays in place to greet this new person.

"Hi Brandi, my name is Noah!" Exuberance just bubbles out of the boy, he waves mightily Brandi's way.

"Hi Noah it is very nice to meet you, I have seen plenty of pictures of you, and heard tons of stories." Brandi leans back a bit as she says 'tons' to emphasize her point.

Olivia calls toward the bedroom, "Rafa I'm home!"

With the shuffling of feet Rafael makes his way to the living room, "I can hear that, how was your time with Brandi."

He finally enters the room and Brandi and Olivia are meet with the glorious sight of Rafael Barba, face painted like a skeleton. Seeing Brandi in the apartment pulls Barba up short, "uhh, I didn't realize you had come up."

For her part Brandi is trying her absolute best to hold in her laughter but it peels out of her anyway.

"Oh Rafa you make a very good looking skeleton," Liv tells him through her own giggles.

Hands on his hips Rafael shoots a glare their way, "I'm happy you two find this so amusing, I happen to have had a lot of fun today and Noah and I loved getting our faces painted."

Getting herself under control Brandi looks between Liv and Raf, "well nothing is going to top this today, I should get going."

Rafael points an accusatory finger her way, "not a word of this to anyone."

Pulling her fingers across her lips she mimes zipping them shut. She then turns to Liv and gives her a quick hug, "thanks for inviting me out, I had a lot of fun."

Returning the hug Liv says, "me too, we'll do it again sometime."

"See you Monday Brandi," Raf bids her goodbye.

He turns his eyes to Olivia, and she makes her way to him, "I would give you a kiss but I don't think that I could pull off that lipstick."

Shaking his head Rafael swats Olivia's backside quickly, "you're very funny my love, I am going to take a shower. I have to get this stuff off my face, and get clean, I got very sweaty running around after the big man over there."

Noah, hearing this, pipes up, "we ran lots Momma, it was so much fun!"

Liv smiles at her two guys, "next Saturday we will have to do something altogether as a family."

Giving her a soft, sweet look Rafael nods in agreement, "yes, and you can have your face painted." He laughs his whole way to the bathroom.

* * *

A/N: Sorry if this got too heavy for your liking, what Brandi says about not becoming what she wants to be and what she goes through are things I've experienced myself. I actually had a real life mental health professional tell me not to do something I really wanted to do during the worst/hardest time of my life. I'll tell you what too, I listened to her and now I work in an office with a job I hate.

On a lighter note, someone did really show up to meet me for a first date in sweatpants and I have clearly not let it go. Also had a dude come into the store I was working in and tell me he was a psychic with kids, divorced, etc. and then proceed to ask me out. I was the only person in the store and terrified. To make things even creepier this guy came back multiple times to find me. *shivers*

Anyhow, that's enough out of me.

x


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I'm working my way to an eventual wedding taking place, not sure when or exactly what it will look like but I have some ideas. I also have no idea what kind of time line I have established, if any, so let's all just all make a pact to ignore any of that lol.

* * *

"Are you this much of a baby in PT or is it just here at home?" Olivia teases Raf as she sits astride his waist holding his shoulder flat to the bed trying to help with his physical therapy.

Glaring at her Rafael tells her, "you are just like Nora you know."

"Oh?" She quirks an eyebrow his way and lets a smile pull up the corners of her mouth, "does she often do stretches while straddling you?"

A light laugh leaves Rafael and he shakes his head, "no, and she is always wearing pants," Liv chuckles.

She is sitting on Raf's torso in nothing but panties and a T-shirt.

"I simply meant that you are both very mean to me, no sympathy at all," Rafael pouts.

Olivia pushes up so her weight is distributed to her knees now, rather than on Rafael. As she does this however Rafael's hands fly to her hips to hold her in place.

"Whoa, let's not be hasty." Raf says while applying pressure against her hips so she will settle back over him.

Olivia looks down at him but his eyes are roaming her body, "did you want to keep stretching?"

"Sure, if that's what you want to call it," the playful tone of his voice is very clear.

Playing dumb Olivia says, "I have no idea what you mean," and she brings her pointer finger to her mouth and chews her nail slightly with wide eyed confusion playing on her face.

A dark laugh comes from Raf's chest. He slides the hands that he had resting on Olivia's hips up under her shirt to lay on her rib cage. Swiping the pads of his thumbs against the undersides of her breasts, that are free and unencumbered by a bra, "come closer and I'll show you."

Olivia leans down into Rafael to kiss him. As their lips linger against one another the passion deepens and they open their mouths to let tongues entwine.

Raf slips his hands down Liv's body to cradle her backside, tracing the line of her underwear.

They don't get any further than a short makeout session before there's on knock and a tiny voice asking "Papí, está despierto?" ( _Papí are you awake?_ )

Rafael pats Olivia's hip so she moves off of him while he sits up.

"Sí mi vida ven aquí." Noah's little head peeks through the doorway before he scuttles into the room and over to his dad. "Que pasa?" ( _Yes my soul come here…. what's up?_ )

"Tuve un mal sueño." Noah answers, clearly shaken. ( _I had a bad dream_ )

Rafael slides his hands underneath Noah's arms and lifts him onto the bed between himself and Olivia.

"Tell me about your nightmare hijo," Rafael prompts, in English this time, so Liv can follow along.

Noah works his way under Rafael's arm so he is between it and his torso. Turning his head so his face is nearly hidden in Rafael's chest Noah explains what happened, "you got hurt again. Mamí and I were at the hospital waiting for you to wake up but you wouldn't. I wanted you to wake up so I kept shaking you like on weekends when you sleep too long. But you weren't awake."

Noah is in tears by now and he has a fist full of Rafael's shirt. Liv shifts herself to press her body to Raf's so Noah is entirely enveloped between them, she begins to rub her son's back.

Rafael understands Noah's reason for speaking in Spanish at first, it's their thing and he wanted to be sure Rafael was there to comfort him.

"But I did wake up, see? I'm right here." Raf says reassuringly. "I will always do whatever I can to be here for you, do you understand?"

A hiccup and a nod are Noah's answer.

"Good, Mamí and I were about to go to sleep, would you like to stay in here for the night or do you want to try to go back to your bed?" Rafael won't say it but, seeing Noah like this, he wants Noah to stay so he can see that he's okay with his own eyes.

"Will you read me another story if I got back to bed in my room?" Noah asks, already less timid than when he entered the room.

Running a hand through Noah's curl Raf smiles down at the boy, "of course I will."

Moving Noah to lean against Olivia more Rafael slides off the bed and turns to wait for Noah to do the same. When he looks back though he is met with the sight of his son sitting on the edge of the bed with his arms raised. The request is clear, _carry me_.

Snorting Raf prods, "oh, have your legs stopped working since you walked in here?"

Giggling Noah simply sends a pouty face his way knowing Raf will give in upon seeing it. He does. Lifting Noah to his hip Rafael walks them back to Noah's bedroom.

Dropping down to the mattress Rafael positions Noah under the blankets once more. Before the end of the story Noah is nodding off back to sleep. Anytime Raf shifts his weight to leave the room Noah seems to be shocked awake and calls him back. Once this has happened five times Rafael sits back next to Noah to think.

After a moment, while running his fingers down Noah's back, Rafael decides the best plan of action is to simply bring Noah back to bed with he and Olivia. The second Raf shifts himself to gather Noah back into his arms Noah jolts awake.

"Papí?" Comes the small, sleepy voice of his son.

"Go to sleep Noah, I'm right here. We are going to sleep in my room tonight. The bed is bigger and it has Mamí there." Rafael can feel the smile on Noah's face against the material at his shoulder.

Olivia looks up when the door opens again, ready to ask if there had been any issue putting Noah back down because he had been gone for more than 30 minutes by now. When Liv sees Raf step through the door with Noah in his arms she understands better why he hadn't returned til now.

Rafa reaches his side of the bed and gently lays Noah's sleeping form in the middle of the bed before climbing in behind him. Tucking them both in he looks to Liv and smiles, "he woke up anytime I moved, so this just seemed to make the most sense."

Mindful of their son Olivia reaches a hand out to touch Raf's cheek, "I love you."

Turning his head Raf kisses Liv's palm, "love you too." A great big yawn leaves his mouth at the tail end of his declaration.

Chuckling Liv clicks off the light, sending the room into darkness so that they can all get to sleep.

Eventually they begin planning their wedding. Mostly due to Lucia's prodding.

"Now mija, have you thought of a color scheme you want?" The older woman's excitement is barely contained, Liv isn't sure she is even trying to contain it really.

Liv stares for a moment or two, dumbfounded, "uhhh, no. Maybe Rafael has some ideas?" She glances in the direction of the living room where Raf is currently play 'Go fish' with Noah. "Rafa, what color scheme do we want?" Liv raises her voice so he will be able to hear her.

"I don't know, you pick," Rafael sounds very disinterested, focusing more on the card game he is playing than her.

With a deep frown Olivia shoots back an emphatic, "no!"

Startled Rafael looks over at Liv with shock painting his expression, looking to Noah he says, "un momento por favor."

Standing Raf makes his way to sit beside Olivia, "todo bien?" ( _Everything okay?_ )

Sighing Olivia leans into him, "yeah, I just don't want to have this be one of those situations where the woman has total control while the guy sits idly by, not caring what happens." When her eyes lock with his she implores him, "this is our wedding honey, please don't make me pick everything. Besides, if one of us is going to make a decision about color it should be you, you're wardrobe is far more colorful than mine."

Laughing Rafael agrees, "well you're not wrong about that. I've just never had to pick a color scheme for an event before, I'm more small scale." He looks to his mother, "Mamí what do we need a color scheme for?"

Rolling her eyes Lucia looks at the couple in front of her, "honestamente, ustedes no tienen remedio." Setting her hands flat on the table Lucia leans into them, "have either of you ever been to a wedding," Rafael's mouth opens as if to answer, Lucia's hand goes up to stop him, "that was rhetorical Rafi, everybody has a color scheme." ( _honestly, you are hopeless_.)

Liv decides to lean into the table, matching Lucia's posture, "black and white then." Olivia sits back feeling quite smug at having decided so easily.

Looking almost disgusted Lucia shakes her head, "you want to have a black wedding?"

"And white," Rafael supplies helpfully.

Shifting her gaze to Olivia Lucia asks, "you want your bridesmaids to wear black?"

Shrugging Liv says, "why not?"

With a short, "fine," Lucia makes a note of this in her notebook.

After making an exhausting amount of choices, from flowers, to ring bearer and flower girls, cake, and beyond Olivia leans into Rafael's side once more and whispers, "I'm tempted to tell her I just want to get married in Vegas, just to see how she'll react."

With a barely concealed chuckle Rafael bumps his shoulder to Liv's and shakes his head.

"So I suppose the two most important things would be date and venue." Lucia tells them while scanning over the extensive notes she has taken.

Olivia straightens, as if she is a child about to be reprimanded, somewhat frightened Lucia heard her comment. Once she realizes she is a grown woman, perfectly capable of holding her own, she relaxes back into her previous stance.

Rafael on the other hand, has had his fill of wedding planning for the day, "Mamí, isn't this enough for now? Can Liv and I have a chance to think about these for a little while?"

Smiling Lucia nods, effectively dismissing them. They push their chairs away from the table immediately, as does Lucia, and all descend on the living room and Noah.

"Oy compay, a qué jugamos ahora?" Lucia asks indicating the cards. ( _what are we playing now?_ )

Lifting his torso from the floor and sitting pretzel style Noah looks much more animated than he had a moment ago, "quieres jugar old maid?" ( _you want to play old maid?_ )

Each of the adults seats themselves around the coffee table as Noah carefully deals the deck of cards out, after having removed three of the queens. Each player removes all of the matches they have in hand and the games begin. The final two players come down to Rafael and Olivia, neither of whom intend to lose, or be "the old maid" as it were.

"You're going down Benson, I know your tells." Raf taunts Olivia as she holds her final two cards up towards him.

Squinting at the cards she holds Rafael carefully chooses the card on the right, which causes Olivia to celebrate. Now he holds two cards, one the queen and the other the pair to Olivia's final card.

"So much for knowing my tells, prepare to do some losing mister." Liv gets right back at him.

Lucia and Noah sit watching their antics, laughing at the behavior each of them is displaying.

"Oh no, no way." Rafael moves his cards beneath the table and shuffles them around so Liv is unable to see the placement of either card. Bringing them back up Rafael himself doesn't even look, keeping everyone in suspense as Liv makes her selection.

Not letting herself overthink things Liv quickly plucks a card from Raf's hand yelling in frustration at the sight of the queen back in her hand, while Rafael cheers.

The two go back and forth numerous times, the tension building between them. Noah can't decide who he wants to win, Lucia on the other hand is showing her support for Olivia, in part to annoy her son. Seeing the annoyance Rafael displays Noah gives his support to his father, which causes Olivia to send a rather convincing pout his way.

Noah doesn't give in though, "go Daddy!" He shouts.

"You traitor!" Olivia jokes with him, pulling the queen from Rafael's hand yet again.

Snatching a card from Liv's hand Rafael groans, "argh! This is never going to end."

The second Raf presents her choices to her Liv makes it, "yes!" She drops the match she's made on the table like she's dropping a mic. "You lose Rafa, looks like you're an old maid!" Liv sticks her tongue out at him for added effect.

He merely glares at her. Noah moves over to Rafael to give him a consoling hug, "it's okay Papí, maybe we can play another time and you won't lose."

"Thank you hijo, maybe we can." Rafael takes actual comfort in Noah's attempt at consolation, giving him an extra squeeze before letting him go.

Lucia grabs Noah in her arms now, "should we go to dinner mi amor? Mamí and Papí have to go grocery shopping so we can have some fun while they do that."

The arms Noah had wrapped around his Abuelita fly up in the air, "yeah! Can we go to your house and have tamales?"

"I just so happen to have made some tamales last night," Lucia smiles at the young boy, who calls her Abuelita and is so excited to be spending time with her and sharing in parts of her culture, this is what Lucia had waited so long for. "Go get your coat and shoes please."

"Okay!" And Noah is off and running to do as he is told.

"Thanks Mamí I'm sure he is so excited that he doesn't have to join us, it can be like a hostage negotiation to talk him into coming." Rafael looks to his mother as he pushes himself from the floor. Once standing he reaches down to assist Olivia in standing up herself.

"Rafi all I have ever wanted was that little boy getting his shoes right now, if I didn't think you would mind I wouldn't give him back," Lucia's words hold nothing but honesty.

Liv drops her head back laughing, "you say that now, until you remember how tiring they are when you can't give 'em back." She rolls her shoulders trying to get a knot out but is unsuccessful until Rafael comes to her aid and works it out with his thumb.

"At least Noah won't be adding more tension to our shoulders huh?" Raf jokes softly.

Smiling Olivia just nods. Each pair go their separate ways, Noah and Lucia to the Bronx for dinner, Rafael and Liv to the market for food.

As they push their cart around the store picking out what they need Rafael leans on the handlebar, "have you thought about where you want to get married?"

Continuing to browse the apples to pick the best ones Olivia says over her shoulder, "not really, I figured the most important part was the actual marriage, not the place."

Rafael doesn't answer, he watches her as she makes her selection and drops it in the cart. As they move through the store the topic doesn't come back up again. When they near the check-out Rafa manages to convince Olivia that they should buy some chocolate chip cookies, promising he won't let Noah eat too many. She gives in, mostly because Liv knows Raf has a major sweet tooth, and those cookies are very good.

Not until they are waiting in line to pay for their food does the conversation come back up, "I thought it might be nice to get married in the New York Botanical Garden," Rafael says as he puts their items onto the belt.

"Where did you come up with that?" Olivia asks as they continue the mundane task of buying groceries.

Rafael finally stops for a moment, "my Abuelita actually, we would go there together sometimes, especially after I finished law school, it was kind of our thing then. We would go on long walks through all the gardens, and the conservatory, and she would tell me about Cuba. One time we saw a wedding while we were walking through and she pointed at it and said, 'when will that be you Rafi?' I wish she could have met you, she would have loved you, even forgiven the fact that you're not Latina, or catholic." There is a wistfulness in his voice but he is happy talking about his grandmother.

Having stopped what she was doing too, to give Rafael her full attention Olivia reaches a hand out to him which he readily takes. Liv links their fingers together, "I think that's all I need to know, let's get married there. You have such a nice connection to it already there's no reason to make more work for ourselves just to come up with choices. I love it, I'm sure your mother will too."

Running his thumb over her knuckles quickly Rafael drops Olivia's hand and gets back to loading groceries before anyone in line behind them can get too impatient.

Later, when Lucia brings a very tired Noah home to them, Rafael tells her the decision they made, "Mamí Liv and I want to get married at the botanical garden." He knows there is no need to elaborate any further, his mother is well aware of his connection to the place.

She stops and claps her hands together once, "ay dios mio eso es perfecto Rafi, le habría encantado." ( _oh my god that's perfect Rafi, she would have loved it._ )

Bowing his head Rafael simply says, "lo se," in a small voice. ( _I know_ )

Turning to face Olivia she tells her, "Rafi's Abuelita would have loved you, you know. I think she would even overlook the fact that you not Latina or catholic. Just knowing how happy you make her Rafi, that would have been, is, enough."

Liv steps into Lucia, who she sees as more of a mother than she ever had her own, and pulls her into a strong hug. Not letting go quite yet, "that's what Rafa said too, I'm sure I would have loved her. Thank you for everything you're doing to help us with this Lucia, I don't know how much of a wedding we would be able to plan on our own."

Grasping Liv's shoulders Lucia pushes away just enough that she can look at her face, "it is my pleasure mija, you're the baby girl I never got."

Noah, hearing this from his place on the couch, turns, "Momma is definitely not a baby," he states in a matter of fact tone, "she's old." And as quick as that his attention is focused back away from the conversation they are having.

"You're always your parents' baby." Lucia holds eye contact with Olivia, who understands the message she is sending. Lucia views her relationship with Olivia the same way, like a mother and daughter.

Rafael returns to the room after having apparently left, much to no one's notice, "we aren't doing anymore wedding planning tonight are we?" By the look on his face it is abundantly clear that he does not want the answer to be yes.

"No Rafael we are done for today," his mother lets him off the hook, the relief is evident in his expression. Leaving parting kisses on everyone's cheeks Lucia leaves her family to return to her apartment once again.

* * *

A/N: More to come, hopefully soon!

x


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: This took some time for me to get to, I scrapped the first draft I had written, I just didn't like it. But I feel good about how it turned out. Hopefully you all do too!

* * *

"Hey Lucy?" Noah regards his nanny who has become a member of his family.

"Hey Noah." Lucy responds, letting him know she is listening while navigating the sidewalk with him at her side, connected at the hand.

"You know how Momma and Daddy have rings?" He stops craning his neck to make sure she's still listening.

Lucy doesn't expect to have to respond to this until the pause stretches a little longer than normal, "you mean from when they got engaged?"

Nodding, "yeah, those rings."

"Yes, what about them?" Lucy's curiosity is certainly peaked as to where this might be headed.

"Do I get to have a ring, does Abuelita get one?" his wonderment is so genuine that Lucy feels a bit bad for wanting to laugh at the question.

"No buddy kids and grandmothers don't get to have rings." she informs Noah.

He looks dismayed with the news and just says, "oh."

Wanting to lift his spirits Lucy asks, "do you want to wear a ring like Momma and Daddy Noah?"

This immediately works, "yes!" Noah's big blue eyes have gone bright and excited at the prospect of matching his parents, "can we get one?"

Lucy does laugh this time, "sure thing, let's go home first and put your backpack down and then we can go to the store, how does that sound?"

Tugging her hand Noah picks up his pace, "let's go!"

So they hurry along home where Noah flings his backpack from his shoulders in his rush to get his own ring, but before they leave Noah runs to his room to get some of the money he has saved up for when they go to the store. When he returns to a waiting Lucy they make their way to the nearest accessory store, sure that they will have rings small enough for children as well.

Managing to find a store quickly they browse the ring selection. Noah wants to match his father so he looks for a simple silver band. It doesn't take long to find.

"Noah, look I think I found one that looks like Daddy's ring and looks like it would fit you," Lucy has become quite excited with this adventure they've found themselves on, and waves Noah over to where she is standing.

Making a dash to her side Noah looks at what she is holding before trying it on, "it fits!"

"Perfect," she holds her hand up for a high five which is returned with great enthusiasm, "let's go pay for it."

"Wait, will you try this one on? It looks like Momma's," Noah pushes a ring into Lucy's hand that she hadn't noticed he had been holding. "I want to get it for Abuelita."

Sometimes Lucy feels overwhelmed with how endearing children can be and this is definitely one of those times, "sure thing Noh."

Pushing it onto her finger Lucy displays her hand for Noah's inspection so that he can see it fits her. She slides it off and hands it back to him, before she can say another word he turns back and bounces back to where he had been standing when she called him over, and just as quickly he is back in front of her. Lucy decides not to question it.

Bringing their selection up to the cashier Noah lays the rings on the counter, "these rings please." Noah says in his politest tone.

The cashier quickly goes through the transaction and gives Noah his total, "that will be $20.00 please."

Pulling his money from his wallet Noah hands it over and gets his belongings in exchange.

When they get onto the sidewalk Lucy turns to Noah and asks him, "why did you buy three rings in there?"

"So I could ask you to marry me," he says like it should be obvious.

Now Lucy definitely feels overwhelmed at, not only how endearing Noah can be, but how thoughtful he is. And how cute. As she is about to tell him this Noah sinks to one knee, "Lucy will you marry me?"

She pretends to swoon and accepts his proposal, Noah stands from his kneeling position and gives Lucy her ring, which she promptly slides onto her finger.

"Thank you Noah, that was very thoughtful of you to include me on this," Lucy ruffles his hair as they walk back home.

Shrugging like it's nothing he tells her, "well you're in our family too so I thought we should all have rings." Noah looks up her, squinting one eye from the sunlight, smiling stretched across his face, and Lucy knows, without a doubt, that he is never going to have trouble charming anyone.

"You are very charming you know that?" Lucy voices.

"Momma says Daddy is very charming too."

Of course she does, Lucy thinks. Then out loud, "you must get it from him."

Once they make it back home Noah puts his ring on, happy to be matching his parents. He intends to begin his homework so he can play with his dad once he is home from work but Lucy motions him over to her first.

"Come over here real quick Noh, let's take a picture to show off our engagement." Lucy beckons.

Pushing their faces together and holding up their left hands to show off their rings Lucy snaps a few pictures of the pair of them. This includes one in which they have fingers interlocked with the rings bumping up against one another.

At about quarter to six both Olivia and Rafael came through the door together.

Lucy is surprised at the sight, "oh wow, this never happens."

Setting her keys in the bowl by the door Liv laughs, "I actually got out on time so I called Rafa and told him I'd pick him up so he didn't have to take the subway."

Bounding into the front room upon hearing conversation Noah is met by both of his parents, "hi Momma! Hi Daddy!" He jumps with each greeting.

Sweeping Noah up into his arms Rafael tickles the boy's belly as he holds him like a baby, "Hi Noah!" Rafael exclaims over the fit of giggles coming out of his son. After stopping his onslaught Rafael continues, "I missed you today hijo. Did you do anything fun?"

Noah presses his hands to both of Rafael's cheeks and looks right to his eyes, "yes. Lucy and I got engaged."

The completely serious tone of voice catches not only Rafael's attention, but Olivia's too. His mother, having just re-entered the room after putting away her gun raises her eyebrows, "oh you did, did you?"

Squirming to get down Noah walks over to Lucy as soon as his feet are on the ground, "right Lucy?" Noah looks up at the woman he is now standing next to with a smile so wide it deepens his dimples as much as they will go.

A small chuckle and nod from Lucy, "yup, we sure did." She extends her hand as evidence. Olivia walks her way over to Lucy and takes her hand and sees that a ring does actually adorn her left ring finger.

Motioning with her head for Rafael to come over Olivia looks back to Lucy, "well I guess congratulations are in order."

Rafael joins the group and Noah tugs on his pant leg, "Papí mira, yo también tengo una." ( _Daddy look, I have one too._ )

Squatting to be on Noah's level Rafael looks and sees a ring in the same place on Noah's hand as on his, Liv's, and Lucy's. Picking up Noah's hand Raf looks over the young boy's face, and takes in the contented expression there, "en verdad. ¿Puedo saber por qué?" ( _you do indeed. Can I ask why?_ )

Bringing one shoulder up quickly before letting it drop Noah looks into Raf's eyes, "I wanted to match you and Momma so me and Lucy went out after school and I bought us rings." His eyes are bright as he explains his reasoning, "I got one for Abuelita too!"

Noah stands there swinging his torso side to side looking incredibly innocent and childlike it pulls on Rafael's heart. He loves this big heart and soul packed into this little body with everything he has and each time Rafael thinks he has loved him as much as possible Noah finds a way for Rafael to dig deep and love more. He does it happily for his son and his soon-to-be wife.

Using pressure on Noah's shoulders Rafael pushes Noah in between his bent knees to hug him, "I love that we match hijo, what a good idea. Abuelita is going to be so excited to get her ring."

Letting go Rafael allows Noah to step away once more, after doing so know ponders something for a moment, then looks to Rafael, "¿cómo se dice will you marry me en Español?" ( _how do you say_ will you marry me _in Spanish?_ )

With a hearty laugh Rafael replies, "quieres casarte conmigo."

Noah repeats after him and then both boys realize they have an audience of Olivia and Lucy. With wide eyes Lucy slowly twists her head back in Olivia's direction, "I told Noah he must get his charm from his dad and I think they just proved my point."

With one well manicured eyebrow arched Rafael trains his gaze on Olivia, challenging her to disagree with Lucy. She doesn't, but she does shake her head at him, with a smile on her face at least.

"As if he didn't already have a big head you have to go and let him know he's charming." Liv jokingly admonishes Lucy.

With his hands on his knees Rafael hoists himself back into a standing a position he gives live _a look_ before saying, "oh please, like I don't know I'm charming." When Liv tries to swat at him Rafael intercepts her hand and twirls her into his body before dipping her as though they were dancing. Smirking he looks down at her face, "I'm Cuban, it's in my blood."

"You're a goof, is what you are. Now unhand me and go get changed while I start dinner." Liv tells him, though she is definitely feeling charmed at the moment. As she is set back on her feet Olivia thanks Lucy and bids her goodnight.

At dinner Noah inquires as to the next time he will be seeing Abuelita and Raf tells him that he's sure they can invite her have dinner with them this week and she would be happy to join them.

While Liv is putting Noah to bed Rafael takes the opportunity to call his mother.

Lucia answers her phone, "hola mijo."

"Hi Mamí, Noah was hoping you could join us for dinner this week." Rafael responds.

"Of course I will but is that any way to begin a conversation with your mother Rafi? No how are you, how was your day, is anything new?" Lucia chides.

Breathing through his nose as evenly as he can Rafael asks, "lo siento Mamí how are you?" rather robotically.

"I'm doing very well Rafael and how are you?" Lucia is playing games with him but suspects Rafael doesn't notice.

He doesn't, "really Mamí? Do we have to do this? I'm really tired and I just want to relax before I go to bed."

Raf hears Olivia's footsteps approaching before her arms embrace him from behind and she drops a soft kiss to the side of his neck. Lips lingering on his skin, "be nice to your mother."

Then in the other ear, "listen to your wife dear."

"We aren't married yet Mamí. How did this turn into me getting chastised, isn't at least one of you supposed to be on my side? Anyway I called about dinner. What night would you like to come over?" Rafael pouts out.

Chuckling Lucia replies, "how does Friday sound?"

"Perfect. What would you like me to make?" Rafael attempts to finish their conversation efficiently.

"You're hosting, I'll cook. Would you like enchiladas?"

"Yes Mamí, Noah and I can never resist them you know that," comes Rafael's emphatic reply.

"I know," she says having been expecting an answer along those lines.

"Gracias Mamí. Bueños noches." He signs off. Lucia does the same allowing Rafael to escape the conversation he was desperate to get out of.

"Now was that so hard?" Olivia moves around his front kissing him before he can answer.

He moans into her mouth and uses her belt loops to begin to guide her back to their bed. When her knees hit the mattress Rafael guides her down onto it before crawling on top of her.

He is kissing nipping along Liv's clavicle while he whispers, "this is what I would much rather be doing."

Arching her neck, thus pushing her breasts to Rafael's chest, Olivia giggles as she asks, "you mean _who_ you would rather be doing."

Pulling away his eyes are twinkling, "very charming mi amor." The Raf descends on her mouth, ravaging it.

"Rafa," Olivia gasps into his mouth, feeling him hard against her hip. Her blouse is practically off her body already.

"Mmmm?" He moans with a questioning inflection to it, kissing his way down her breast bone, to her belly button, and finally her pants that are quickly unfastened and pushed down.

"Please," she whimpers, "make love to me."

Standing so he can completely remove her pants Rafael then pulls his own shirt over his head, "oh, I plan to nena."

Pushing herself to one elbow and then the other Olivia finishes removing her blouse as well as her panties. Liv stays resting on her elbows in order to watch Rafael finish undressing himself. Once they are both nude she maneuvers herself so she is laying in the middle of the bed.

Rafa makes his way over her, his erection bobbing with each movement and Liv licks her lips as she watches.

Positioning his body between her legs Rafael grabs hold of his erection and rubs the head along her slit lubricating his cock with her body's wetness before pushing into her. She is soft, hot, wet, and tight around him and they both gasp at the sensation of their bodies being joined. In the past few weeks there has been little opportunity to be intimate.

Slanting his mouth over hers but not quite kissing it Raf sighs out, "Olivia."

For her part Liv wraps herself around his body in every way she can, arms around his shoulders legs over his hips, bringing him to the hilt inside her. Olivia feels her body quivering with the feeling of it.

Looking into her eyes Rafael shares his feelings he has for her as well as he can at the moment, "I love you so much Olivia."

After his declaration Rafael begins to move. The couple is aware this will not last long. After each hits their peek and climbs back down to reality they lock fingers as they spoon their bodies together and rest their joined hands against Olivia's stomach, still sticky with sweat.

Yawning Olivia's sleepy voice meets Rafael's ears, "I love you Rafa."

"Te amo Liv." He presses a kiss to her bare shoulder blade as they fall silent content to lay cocooned in each other's arms before sleep pulls them in.

As promised when Friday evening comes Lucia is at the Benson-Barba apartment with enchiladas in hand. She is greeted with a very eager grandson.

"¡Hola Abuelita!" He says face between her knees when he hugs her.

With just as much excitement, though no hug as her hands are full with food, Lucia exclaims, "¡hola mi niño!" ( _Hello my boy!_ )

Rafael comes over kissing his mother on the cheek and taking the tray out of her hands. Immediately Lucia lifts Noah into her arms.

"Muchas gracias por invitarme." Lucia brushes her nose to Noah's in an Eskimo kiss. ( _Thank you very much for inviting me._ )

"De nada, quería verte." Noah smiles at her leaning his head against her shoulder loving that she is still holding him. His parents don't pick him up or carry him as often as they used to because he is eight now and "getting heavy." ( _You're welcome. I wanted to see you._ )

"Y quiero verte todo." Lucia tells Noah briefly resting her head against his as she moves them further into the apartment before settling on the couch. ( _And I always want to see you._ )

Olivia comes down the hallway from the back of the apartment, where the bedrooms are, and rounds the couch to lean over Noah and leave a kiss on Lucia's cheek, "hi Lucia, I'm so glad you could make it. Noah was so excited to be having you over again." Liv stands at the woman's feet running a hand over Noah's hair.

Taking the younger woman's hand Lucia looks up into her face, "of course mija, I always love visiting you three. Rafi never invited me to dinner enough before you two got involved."

Lucia can't see it but Rafael shoots a glare in her direction, mumbling something that's likely a curse. Olivia can only blush slightly and squeeze Lucia's hand before stepping into the kitchen to help Rafael heat the food and prepare the salad. The table is already set, and dessert is in the fridge waiting for dinner to be over.

Brushing up against each other in the more confined space of the kitchen Rafael says, quietly so the other occupants of the apartment won't hear, "we should buy a house."

Eyes going wide Olivia freezes, which causes Rafael, who has his back to Olivia, to freeze. Breathing out, "Rafa look at me please."

It takes him a few moments before he can move, long enough for Olivia to start to think he isn't going to. Eventually he turns so his body is facing hers but doesn't quite meet her eyes, "what's up?"

Forcing his hand Liv steps into Raf and lifts his chin, "do you really want to buy a house?"

There is no indication of the emotion behind the question. Rafael also can't tell how she feels by her expression and it worries him. Of course he wants to buy a house, he doesn't understand why she is even asking, why else would he say it?

His silence is making Liv uncomfortable and she shifts her weight back and forth between each foot, "nevermind, it's fine."

Before she can brush the comment off as nothing Rafael takes her wrists to stop her from moving away, "wait. What do you mean nevermind? Do you not want to buy a house?" He wishes he could take the comment back, not having wanted to create an awkward atmosphere, especially not with his mother here.

"You're the one who brought it up." She sounds annoyed now, and a little bit like she might cry.

"I know but I didn't mean to scare you. We don't have to buy a house." He isn't meeting her eyes again.

"So you do want to buy a house?"

Rafael is beyond confused, "of course I do, I'm the one who said it in the first place."

Suddenly amused at her jumpy reaction to him Olivia tries to hold in a laugh so she won't upset him, she also grasps his wrists, "I'm sorry honey, I don't know why I did this. I thought you were just saying it to say it, not because you meant it. Not having a big enough kitchen isn't exactly what I would consider as a reason to buy a house."

Using their shared grasp on each other Rafael pulls her in for a quick kiss, "I don't know, I'd say it's a pretty good reason." They laugh quietly before he goes on, "it's not just the kitchen Liv. I want Noah to have a bigger space, I want us to have a bigger space. Maybe an actually bathtub that a whole entire adult could fit into -"

"Two adults even." She interrupts.

"Two, even better. I want a yard, and a fence, a tree too if we can. You and Noah make me want everything and I don't really care if it's selfish." He finishes, able to catch and hold her gaze this time.

"A house and a wedding, it's not going to be easy," Olivia muses.

Barking out a laugh, "when have we ever done things the easy way." The look she gives him tells Rafael that she concedes his point.

"There's a lot of boring stuff involved with doing this too. Shared bank accounts, updating forms, escrow, insurance, real estate agents," Olivia pauses to make sure Rafael is looking at her, "lawyers." At this she scrunches up her face with a look of faux disgust.

With the oven mitt he will use to remove dinner from the oven Raf swipes at her, "you've gotta be careful, you might end up falling in love with one."

Liv isn't looking at him but she shakes her head, "no just this one please." She turns unexpectedly fast to face him and Rafael startles, "Noah!" Olivia blurts with a dawning realization.

Turning to look at him Rafael doesn't notice anything wrong, "what about him?"

Frustrated that Rafael isn't intuitively following her line of thinking Liv bites out, "there's no paperwork formally connecting you to Noah."

His breath is sucked from him all at once, "how did I not think about this before? I'll contact Langan first thing tomorrow and have him draw up papers."

"You're going to adopt him?" There's a stupid grin on her face.

Having smelled the delectable aroma of their dinner Lucia and Noah have begun to make their way to the table.

Baffled by the question, and ignoring his surroundings, Rafael's affronted tone comes, "of course I am he's my son!"

Olivia can't help but find his emphatic response an incredible turn on, "tomorrow's Saturday." At Raf's confused look, "Langan won't be working tomorrow."

Shrugging off the comment Raf waves his hand at her as they sit down, still acting as though they're alone, "have you actually met an attorney? They are always working. Besides he owes me."

"Okay." Olivia smiles.

Rafa smiles back, "Okay."

Finally tuning back into what's going on around them the couple realize that Noah and Lucia have been acting as if they weren't here as well. Shrugging they all start their meals. The chicken enchiladas are delicious, and just spicy enough that it doesn't overwhelm Noah but gives a nice kick to each bite. Lucia has always been a great cook, ever since Rafael can remember and this meal is no different, except that she gets to share it with her son, a woman she views as a daughter, and her grandson.

Lacing her fingers together, elbows on the table, Lucia rests her chin to her hands, "this is all I've wanted since you grew up Rafi, a nice family dinner with a woman you loved, and who loved you right back, and a grandchild. This is perfect."

So focused on her ruminating Lucia fails to notice Noah perk up, and a responding nod from Olivia excusing him from the table. Standing up Rafael begins to clear their dishes.

As he does so he speaks to his mother, "you're happy then Mamí?"

With a far off look in her eye Lucia smiles and nods, "very."

Noah comes rushing back into the kitchen and skids to a stop at Lucia's side. Rafael approaches the table in order to view the event he knows is about to take place. As Noah tugs on her shirtsleeve Lucia's attention is brought back to the present and redirected to her grandson.

"Que pasa?" She asks running a soft hand down his face.

Noah has both hands behind his back and he leans in to speak to his Abuelita softly, gently, "¿quieres casarte conmigo Abuelita?" His eyes go to Rafael's in hopes of finding reassurance of his wording, which he does, before looking back at Lucia. Bringing his hands around to his front Noah presents Lucia the ring, it's then that she notices the ring adorning his finger as well.

Tracing the ring on his small hand Lucia marvels at the little boy who calls her Abuelita, she knows she would love any grandchildren she was given, but this little boy, he is extraordinary. "Oh mi amor, claro que sí."

The ring doesn't fit the intended finger, which upsets Noah at first but she puts it on her pinky instead and it seems to alleviate his frustration.

"Do you like it?" Noah asks, unsure if he had picked out a ring that she would like.

Kissing his forehead lightly Lucia pulls away to look at him, "it's the best ring I've ever gotten."

There is a beaming pride to his face upon hearing this.

"I told you she would love it hijo," Rafael says gathering Noah into an embrace. "Why don't you and I go get dessert from the fridge and we can celebrate?"

"Yay!" Noah shouts, loud enough it causes Rafael to flinch, because he knows dessert is, "rice pudding!"

"En Español por favor," Rafael request.

"Arroz con leche!" Noah corrects himself. It is a dish Rafael introduced him to and Noah has loved from his first bite. Rafael had let Olivia and Noah that it is a comfort food for him, whenever his own Abuelita used to make it for him it always cheered him up and put him in the best moods.

Normally Olivia would brew a pot of coffee to have with dessert but on this occasion she opens some champaign they bought in anticipation of the celebration they knew they would be having, while pouring some ginger ale for Noah.

After the pudding is portioned out and they all have a bubbling glass of amber fluid Rafael raises his glass, "a toast, to us."

"To us," both Lucia and Olivia repeat, as does Noah after he hears them say it.

Lucia adds, "to family," they can all 'drink' to that.

* * *

A/N: There is still more to come. At the very least a wedding and a house. I don't really have an ending planned for this piece. We will see where it takes us, I guess.

x


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I am SO sorry this took so long, the last three weeks have been soul crushingly busy at work and I have been unmotivated to do much with my free time. Please forgive me!

* * *

Olivia hears a sound indicating she has a new email. Today is shaping up about to be an arduous one full of paperwork, stacking up high enough to give her a headache just looking at it. The email is a welcome distraction.

She laughs when she sees it is from Rafael and notices the subject line RE: What do you think of these? The body of the message has no preamble, no greeting, it only contains links to homes in different areas of the city: Queens, Bronxville, Brooklyn, Yonkers. There are short comments to go along with each link "this one has enough space for Noah to have his own playroom AND we could have a guest room!" Or "I don't actually want this one, look at the bathroom though, I shuddered laying eyes on it." Liv finds it comical.

It's when Rafa starts to forward emails from Brandi that Liv begins to get confused. She emails Rafa to ask him why Brandi might be doing this and how did she even know they are considering buying a house. Instead of replying via email her phone rings.

"Hi honey," Liv answers.

Rafa answers in kind, "hola nena."

"So what's going on over there?"

He sighs and Liv imagines him running a hand through his hair, she hears a scratching and knows his fingers are in his beard. The knowledge makes her smile, she finds the beard incredibly attractive, especially with the smattering of grey coloring it, giving him a very distinguished look.

After a beat Rafa finally speaks, "it's been a bit of a slow day," he explains. "Brandi came in here to discuss something and may have found me browsing for different homes. She thinks I was just bored and sending you ugly ones so she joined in the fun and is now sending me ugly homes. I'm not sure how she is finding some of these monstrosities but they should be condemned."

Liv snorts, "geez I wish my slow days were like that. My slow day today consists of about 1 million reports of my own and then about three times that to sign off on." There's a thud from when her forehead drops to said reports, "I think I'm going blind."

"Well that won't due, I need you to see me in the dress I got for the wedding." Raf manages to illicit a genuine laugh from Olivia, which is exactly what he had been hoping to get.

Straightening Liv fusses with her papers, "I love you."

Pushing back against his chair so that it leans back Rafael wishes he could see her right now, "meet me for lunch in an hour?"

Eying her work then her watch Olivia groans, hating that it isn't past lunch yet, "it's a date. Will you swing by here to get me? Just look for the woman drowning in paper."

Laughing and shaking his head, "I'll bring a search team with me," There's an answering giggling, "I love you."

A wistful, answering, "I love you too," drifts through his phone and into his ear before the call disconnects.

Routines have been firmly in place as their little family goes about their Wednesday morning, Rafael and Olivia are still sat at the kitchen table, Noah is in his room getting dressed, hopefully. One routine that has also held firm is the extent to which Noah can distract himself while getting ready for school, since starting the second grade the seven year old has resisted leaving the house, at least until the last possible moment. Neither Olivia nor Rafael are sure why, and Lucy wasn't privy to any information on this either, but they wait it out, see where it will take them.

"I'm thinking of leaving SVU," Olivia's thought seems to come from nowhere. Tilting her head and looking to Rafael she rests her temple against a fist, pouting out her lower lip and pondering him for a moment she opens her mouth once more, "what do you think?"

Rafael reaches for the hand that isn't currently supporting her head and makes a rhythm of running his thumb over the pads of her fingers. He contemplates things, keeping his attention on their hands. Liv's skin is so soft, and her hands aren't the hands one would imagine touching such horrible, unspeakable things day in and day out. Her hands are smooth, tanned at the back, with manicured nails that lack polish. Raf loves her hands, how they hold him, their son, the whole world.

Meeting Olivia's eyes he, too, tilts his head, matching Liv's angle, "you wanna know what I think?" Raf pauses for her answering nod, and speaks once she gives it to him, "I think you should do whatever makes you the most happy. I think that if what you want in life isn't at SVU anymore then you should leave. I also think that if you are thinking of leaving simply because you're getting pressure from the top to _do something,_ whatever that is, then screw them and stay where you are. I _think_ you know the answer to what to do, even if you don't believe it."

When Rafael finishes talking Olivia pins his thumb to her hand with her own. There's no mistaking the look of disappointment dragging her eyebrows together and the corners of her lips down. She was looking for him to tell her something and that wasn't it.

Turning his hand over to fully grasp Olivia's Rafael tugs at her just enough to grab her attention, "you wanna know what I want though?" Again he waits for her answer.

Liv nods again, slower this time, with a question in her eyes. Still, she stays mute.

"I want you around for as long as you can give me, as many moments in as many days. I want to not have to worry every time you leave our home for work that there's a chance something might take you away from Noah and me. I want to take days off that won't get interrupted by a call needing you right away. I want you in every way you'll give me, whether it's Lieutenant Benson or not. But what I don't want is for you to make a decision because you think I will like it better. I want you to be selfish here Liv, do what you need to do, just like always, but do what you believe is the right thing for you." Rafael's rhythmic motion has moved so that his thumb rises and falls with the hills and valleys of Liv's knuckles.

His tone and his words are nothing short of passionate. If there is one thing in the world he could choose to be passionate about Rafael will always pick his family, no contest. The light coloring the green of Raf's eyes is burned through with this same passion. He could go on forever about what he wants for her, with her, and with their son.

"I'm not asking you to make the decision Rafa," Liv tells him as she brings his hand to her face, resting her cheek in his palm. Raf laughs, he is well aware of this, and the fact that if he even thought about trying to make this decision, or really any decision, for her, he would quickly find himself sleeping on the couch.

He keeps his pattern up and swipes his thumb along Liv's cheekbone, "I know mi amor."

"What you want, what you think, how you see things; it matters to me, helps me put things into perspective. My decision isn't going to happen quickly, I'm sure, but I want to keep talking about it with you." Liv relinquishes her hold of him.

Pushing away from the table Rafael stands to continue readying himself for the day, "I'm here to listen while you work through this," he promises.

Just as abruptly as the conversation started, it ends and both Rafael and Olivia move on to finish readying themselves for the day ahead.

One evening finds Liv draped over Rafael in bed, her straddling his hips, torso to torso, and face tucked into the crook of his neck. They are there, simply being. Raf has a hand beneath Liv's tank top, running it from the curve of one hip, over the hill of vertebrae, and to the curve of the hip opposite.

Raf is merely wearing his underwear, light purple boxer briefs, with the rest of his skin on display. Olivia, on the other hand, is in a lavender tank top with peach boyshort yoga panties that are barely noticeable as fabric.

After some time Liv begins to push her fingers through the smattering of salt and pepper locks at Raf's temple. It sets his hair at some odd angles but the sensation of it is a comfort as her nails tiptoe over his scalp.

She rises and falls with each breath Rafael takes whereas he can feel the heat of hers against his neck. The continued motion of Raf's hand on her back causes the fabric of Liv's top to ride up her skin in a bunch, neither does anything about it, but his hand stops moving and his palm presses against her spine.

The night is warm and so are their bodies. They know eventually they will have to move, and when that happens each knows a cold feeling will press in on them at the loss of contact.

Reluctantly Olivia lays her palms flat to the mattress beneath them and exerts barely enough force to get herself into an upright position, still astride Rafael. With her weight redistributed Liv slides her hands along the sheets, turning them palm side up and grasps Raf's head lifting it so she can meet him for a kiss. Liv kisses his lips lightly twice in a row, then moves her body off of his.

The air feels cool, now, against their skin. Olivia has to shake off a shiver as her back meets the sheet.

"I want you to wear suspenders at the wedding," Liv requests, head on her pillow, eyes looking to the ceiling but her hand on his bicep.

A laugh rumbles through Rafa's chest, and he tucks himself onto his side to face her, "oh you do, do you?" A smile pinches Liv's cheeks at his question. "What about what I want to wear?"

This gets her to look at him, "as if you would turn down a chance to wear them."

Bending his arm Rafa wiggles his hand between the bed and the pillow his head rests on, "you're right, I wouldn't turn that down. Should I wear something else, or is it just the suspenders that you want to see me in?"

Rolling to her stomach Olivia's smile only widens, "I think the whole suit would be best." She tells him as she scooches close and molds into him. "I was planning to have purple and pink peonies for my bouquet, so you can maybe match that instead of doing all black."

Raf gathers her closer, "mmm, it sounds like a plan."

He reaches behind him and switches the light off, plunging the room into darkness and bringing them closer to sleep. It doesn't take long to drift off, feeling relaxed and content, with thoughts of their wedding in both their heads.

—

One Tuesday Liv and Raf decide to play hookey, along with Noah, and visit the Museum of Natural History.

The enormity of the place is the first thing Noah is in awe of, it is one of the largest buildings he can think of, which doesn't mean as much coming from a seven year old. Then it is the sheer number of things to be seen, the map of the museum is daunting, even to Olivia and Rafael, and Noah wants to see all of it. Rafael tells him they won't be able to see it all in one day but Noah argues that they might be able to.

Noah had insisted on bringing some things along with him for the trip: a notebook, pens, pencils, Eddie the Elephant, and his wallet, just in case. He carried it all in his backpack, which quickly found its way to Rafael's shoulders, after nearly being forgotten twice.

Their first exhibit is the Center for Earth and Space; a large, open hall all in white. Even the adults find the scale of the universe display hard to believe.

Not long after arriving Olivia's cell phone rings, she and Rafael groan, knowing what it means. Liv steps away to take her call and speaks quickly to whoever is on the other end. Once back at Rafael's side he can tell by the look on her face she has to leave.

"They need my at a crime scene, Queens is short-staffed which means we had to lend some of our people causing us to be stretched a little thin." Liv confirms what Rafael knew. Her hand is in his and he squeezes it to reassure her that he understands.

Leaning into her Raf kisses her cheek lightly. Noah is a few paces in front of them and is unaware of his mother's impending departure.

Liv beckons him over, "Noah," she calls, and he bounces his way to his parents. "Work just called," Noah releases a heavy sigh, knowing already what will be coming, "I have to go, but you and Daddy are going to stay and have fun. I love you sweet boy." His face falls and his arms cross, and when Liv leans in to give him a hug and kiss Noah steps away again.

Her son's disappointment is palpable and Liv knows there's no way she could feel worse right now. Rafael steps up beside her to put a hand on her shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze.

"He'll get over it Liv, he was just excited…" Raf trails off realizing whatever he says next will likely make Olivia feel worse.

Olivia just nods and starts walking away.

Once she is gone Rafael goes to Noah and crouches so they are about the same height, "hijo, you know Momma would rather spend time with you than go to work, but she has to go."

"Why does she have to? She works all the time, it isn't fair." Noah's voice is small and sad and it breaks Raf's heart a little to hear it.

"She goes because people need her," Rafael explains honestly. "C'mon let's keep looking around and try to learn as much as we can. We'll make sure to take lots of pictures too, so that we can show Momma later, so it's like she didn't miss out on anything."

Bowing his head Noah doesn't look as though he wants to agree but eventually does nod and take Rafael's hand. Just minutes later there is a small smile back on Noah's face and the two of them are exploring and learning everything they see.

Noah insists they see the dinosaur section and studies each bone like he knows exactly what he is looking at. Together they stare at the huge scale of the blue whale hanging above the ocean exhibit. From room to room they look and learn, and take plenty of pictures, of the things on display, of each other, of the two of them together. Rafael insists they go to the sensory exhibit which, as the name would suggest, explores the five senses. It is a marvel for the two to take in, with mind bending optical illusions and plenty of beauty to behold.

All in all Rafael and Noah spend hours at the museum together, stopping only once for lunch, and then setting out to explore even more. On the way out they decide there is no reason not to go to the gift shop. With two floors worth of items to buy both men know they could spend ample time, and money, here too. Noah finds a book and dinosaur figurine he wants, which Rafael agrees to buy for him. They continue to browse the gift shop inventory when Noah scampers over to Rafael to tug him in the direction of the jewelry.

Noah points to a necklace with a small bluish stone pendant that reflects light in an almost magical way, "I think Momma would really like that, can we buy it for her?"

It's nothing particularly fancy but Rafael agrees with his son's assessment that Liv would like it.

"I think that's an absolutely fantastic idea hijo, but I want you to apologize for making Mamí feel bad when she had to go to work, entiendes?" Rafael proposes.

For a moment Noah looks as though he might negotiate the point but doesn't open his mouth at all, simply nodding, and with a smile on his face, too.

They bring their purchases to the checkout counter and Noah lets Rafael know he wants to buy the necklace himself. Pleasantly surprised Rafael passes Noah his wallet out of the backpack he is still sporting.

It's after 8:00 when Olivia returns home, her feeting dragging beneath her. She looks totally exhausted, like she could just drop onto the couch and not move at all while she slept solidly. Before she can do so, however, Noah runs into her legs, hugging them.

"Hola Mamí, te extrañé hoy!" Noah practically shouts as his body makes its impact with hers. ( _Hi Momma, I missed you today!_ )

Rafael quietly pads his way over in socked feet, "he missed you."

Liv looks almost like she is going to cry, feeling guilty that her son had to be in the position to be missing her at all. She bends over and lifts her sweet little boy into a tight hug, squeezing him extra.

As Noah settled into his mother's arms he looked somewhat chastised before he swipes hair off her cheek and looks her in the eye, "I'm sorry Momma, I didn't want you to feel bad when you left." Wiggling his little butt Noah squirms his way back down and moves over to Rafael, whispering, "can I give Momma what we bought?"

Even though he had whispered his question Olivia hears him and shoots a look to Rafael, a question clear in her eyes. Raf looks down to their son instead of giving anything away, "sí señor."

As Noah nearly slips in his haste to retrieve the necklace Liv moves into the apartment, taking off her shoes and jacket before unsnapping her holster from her belt. She rolls her neck, attempting to relieve the tension that worked itself into her muscles during her shift, chasing down a kidnapper.

Rafael steps into her and turns her back to him so that he can reach up and work his thumbs into the knots of Olivia's neck. She immediately feels better, sighing deeply now that she is home with her family. Raf peppers kisses to the top of her spine before leaving his mouth there, "sorry you had to work on your day off."

Liv reaches up and takes one of Raf's hands from her neck and clasps it against her cheek, "I know, me too."

Within a minute Noah ambles back into the room, the later hour taking its toll on the young boy at this point, though his eyes remain excited.

"Momma I bought you something at the museum today. It's almost as pretty as you are," Noah really lays on the charm, Rafael is very clearly rubbing off on him.

"You didn't have to buy me anything Noh, but that's so sweet of you." Liv squats down next to him as he hands her a small black box.

Lifting the lid Olivia reveals the necklace Noah picked out, a blue pendant on a gold chain, she is so tired, and so touched that tears prick her eyes before slipping down her cheeks. Sniffing loudly Liv looks to Noah, "thank you baby, I love it."

Before Noah falls asleep for the night Olivia already has the necklace against her skin, alongside her fearlessness chain. She steps into her bedroom to find Rafael reading, back against the headboard and legs stretched out before him. Crawling into bed on what has been her side Olivia presses the length of her body against Rafael's side.

Putting his book down Rafael smiles at Olivia, "hey you, did your shower help work out some of those knots?" His eyes shine with so much admiration towards her behind his glasses Olivia has to breath deeply through her nose to work through her emotions before she can even contemplate her answer.

She nods instead of speaking, lips pressed together tightly. For a few moments Liv looks away from him, before she comes to a decision, "I'm going to leave SVU, I don't know when, and I don't know what I will do instead but I don't want to miss another day like today."

Liv's head rests near Rafael's hip in their current positions, he brings his a hand down and cards his fingers through her hair. Quietly he asks, "are you sure that's what you want?"

Without hesitation, "positive."

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A/N: Let me know what your thoughts are! x


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I didn't want to make you all wait so long again. This chapter doesn't have big events but I promise there will be some soon!

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Weeks went by without any action from Olivia with her decision to leave SVU, not because she had changed her mind, she hadn't, more that there were more decisions to be made before anything could be done. That's what was stopping her, those other decisions, how to tell Fin and the rest of the squad, what to do next, and all the other smaller ones her mind couldn't even formulate through the hyper-anxious thought process that was currently using most of her brain power.

The longer she waited the harder things were becoming. Rafael wouldn't say anything but, sometimes, when she looked at him, really looked, she could see the question in his eyes; when are you leaving Liv? Maybe she was projecting, she didn't know, couldn't be sure. It's just that this life, this job, is all she has ever known and she isn't sure who she is without it.

One night Olivia finally voices this fear to Rafael, "Rafa, what if this job is all that I am?"

She feels like a chicken for asking him in the dark grey hours of the night, when the lights from the street below were strong enough to pull some black from the night, but only just enough to make it grey. She doesn't want him to see how afraid she is; of her own fear, of his judgement, of his answer, any of it. So she asks while they are looking for sleep and she isn't touching him at all.

The sound of the sheets ruffling while he readjusts his body is so loud Olivia is sure everything is somehow being amplified, things are always seem louder at night, but not like this. Rafael must be facing her now, she is sure of it. Then she sees his silhouette move and a triangle of light breaks through and Liv knows Rafa is propping his head on his hand, elbow bent and pushing down into the mattress, looking down at her. Looking down on her, just what she doesn't want, his judgement, disappointment in her.

She is definitely overthinking things.

The moments before he speaks stretch on and get heavy, pressing down on Olivia's chest with their weight. She hears him lick his lips and closes her eyes in an attempt to protect herself from his words.

"Look at me Olivia," Rafael requests softly, her eyes snap open, shocked he knew they were even closed. "Who are you?"

Liv's mouth opens and a weird attempt at words that sounds more like a cat learning to meow than anything comes from her throat. Clearing her throat she tries once again, confused, "Olivia Benson?" The inflection she puts into her words makes them sound as if she is question even that.

Rafael ignores her trepidation and continues to pick at her fears, "who?" His tone is still very loft, light, genuine.

She feels more sure of herself this time, "Olivia Benson."

"That's right, you are Olivia Benson. Do you want me to tell you about her?"

She nods, and knows he can't exactly see the action but the noise of it is enough.

"Well, the Olivia Benson I know is one of the most passionate women I have ever met, and it isn't just her job. She is passionate about her son, the rights of others, educating anyone and everyone about consent and safety, learning to cook no matter how badly some of things she makes come out," he gets a watery chuckle for that one. "Olivia Benson, she is a mother, Noah Porter Benson is her son and light of her life. Becoming a mother gave her the good in the world, she saw it there but didn't really get to experience it, not enough of it anyway, but with him she can.

"She secretly loves trashy crime novels that involve characters that seem to be infinitely good looking and have way too much sex to have any time to solve crimes. Olivia Benson is strong, when life pushes her down or tells her no she doesn't listen, she fights for what she wants. She is a role model to so many young woman and girls who tell her she is their hero, or that they want to be just like her when they grow up. She is loving, to her family, her fianceé, her friends, even strangers.

"Olivia Benson is so many things and if she asked me to I would tell her all of them. But she is also human, she is afraid of change, of the unknown, but so was I when I had to face it. Her humanity is the best thing about her, if you ask me, and I am so in love with her." Rafael finishes and pulls her into his chest to let her breathe and take in what he has just said.

"Rafa… I don't what to say to that," Liv's breathing is shallow, warm puffs of it billow on the skin of his neck. She pulls back to look at his face, as best she can in current lighting, "you're the best man I have ever known and I can't believe I am lucky enough to have you."

Rafael plucks up one of Olivia's hands and presses it to his chest, "it's not luck Liv, it's everything you do and everything you are that got me. And, for what it's worth, you have all of me."

Her fingers flex into his chest for a moment before speaking again, "it's worth everything Rafa," before he can respond Liv kisses his lips chastely, and then, takes his bottom lip between both of hers to swipe her tongue along it. She is very effective in silencing his thoughts and words.

After pulling away from him Olivia lays her head to his pillow and waits for him to do the same. They cuddle close and comfortably as they settle to for sleep.

The next week Liv was sitting on the couch filling out her retirement paperwork, including the paperwork to begin receiving her pension benefits. She had just come home from work, and changed into leggings and one of Rafael's t-shirts before breaking out her favorite pen and putting it to paper.

Rafael isn't home from work yet and Noah is at Lucia's so Olivia has the apartment to herself for the moment. Deciding to create the least stressful environment, while filling out forms that scare the hell out of her, Olivia pours herself a glass of wine and throws on some sappy love songs, that she would never tell anyone she likes. Before she knows it she is singing along, filling out paperwork and being totally comfortable doing so.

About halfway through her first packet of papers Rafael walks through the door, tie loosened, top two buttons undone, but otherwise impeccable. Liv doesn't seem to notice his arrival however, as it happens without any action from her, and the music plays on. Adele happens to be playing at the moment, Rafael smirks and takes a moment to take Olivia in. Her head is nodding along to the music and her focus is solely on her paperwork, and nothing else.

Finally he takes a step into the apartment, "hola mi amor."

Liv's head pops up, surprised she now has company. Her surprise fades quickly after taking in Rafael's form and her expression morphs into a peaceful kind of happy, "hi baby."

"I'm going to change into some sweats and I'll be right back out," he starts off toward the bedroom but stops when he sees Olivia reach for her phone, assuming she is going to switch off the music, "don't turn it off, I like it. If you're lucky maybe I'll even sing to you." With a wink Rafael is moving down the hallway to change.

True to his word he reappears minutes later in sweatpants, hanging low on his hips, and a t-shirt Noah had bought for him that is pulled tight over his chest in a very alluring manner. The combination of the low slung bottoms and the tight fitting shirt has Raf's hip bones, and a bit of his stomach, on display and Olivia doesn't mind the sight in slightest.

Besides looking up at him to take in his appearance Olivia is still focused on her retirement paperwork. She is sitting stretched out of two and a half couch cushions with her back propped against the armrest. Rafael lifts her feet into his lap when he sits himself down. Liv finishes whatever she had been writing and twists to toss the packet onto the coffee table before picking up her wine.

Just before taking a sip, with the glass near her mouth, Olivia takes another moment to greet Rafael, pressing her toes into his thigh, "hi you."

He watches her as she sips her wine and shifts in his seat to angle closer to her, as she brings the glass back down he leans in further, intending to kiss her. Rather than doing so, however, Raf begins to giggle, "oy nena, your lips."

Liv gives him a curious look and uses the back of her hand to wipe at her mouth, not seeing anything on her hand she addresses Raf, "what about them?" There is an edge in her voice, though it isn't anger, merely confusion.

Unable to rid himself of the smirk he leans toward her once more, "you have red wine lips."

Her hand goes to her mouth a second time, regardless of the fact that she still won't find any evidence of it, and she wipes at her lips. Realizing her efforts are for nothing Olivia rolls her eyes before sighing, "ugh, I've only had the one glass!"

The exasperation of her tone sets Rafael giggling again, "isn't that the wine Carisi gave you? I bet he is somehow behind this."

And, for whatever reason, Olivia isn't sure if it is his giggling or light hearted jab,or what, but his comment sets her off into a full fledged laughing fit. Moments later Rafael joins in on her enjoyment and his laughing along with her. Olivia has to hold her stomach after some time of laughing, before she knows it tears are making their way down her face and she is pitching over the side of the couch onto the floor. It isn't a far drop and the sheer fact that she is, very nearly, rolling on the floor with laughter only spurs more of it. Eventually, after some deep, heaving breaths, Rafael helps hoist her back onto the couch where she spins herself around and drapes her legs over the armrest and lays her head in his lap.

Finally Rafael lifts his feet to set them at the edge of the coffee table, elevating Liv closer to him in the process, and leans down to press a kiss to her lips. Olivia uses a hand at the back of his head to keep him close to her, "I love you so much."

"What a strange coincidence, because, I love you so much, too." Rafael lightly brushes the tip of his nose to Olivia's in an Eskimo kiss to punctuate his words. He relaxes his legs to a more comfortable level and Olivia's head moves with them.

Neither of them speak, they rest and listen to the song's lyrics wash over them. Rafael's hand eventually comes to rest on Olivia's breastbone, beneath her shirt. Here he is able to feel the heat of her skin and the beating of her heart. As his hand stays where it is Olivia brings one of her own to lay on top of it, her forearm sitting between her breasts. There is comfort in each beat of their hearts, each breath they take, and every note they hear.

Though she is loath to break apart the atmosphere they find themselves in Olivia wants to share her news, "so." She starts small, gets his attention and eases them out of their quiet.

"So," Rafael repeats, turning his attention Liv's way.

Olivia smiles up at him, feeling content in this process for the first time since she started, "you are going to be getting married to a retired lady." Her words are almost smug.

Not one to give away the upper hand Rafael says, "what's the male version of a cougar?"

Liv swats at the part of his leg next to where her head rests with the back of her hand. "Ha ha, you are very funny," she pushes back to a sitting position. As soon as she is upright and facing Rafael Olivia begins again, "seriously though, I got a job offer that I'm actually interested in this time. My paperwork is almost complete."

Bringing a hand up Rafael rests it against Liv's cheek, taking a moment to survey her, really take her in. He sees a serenity in her, a calmness that she hasn't had any other time they have had a conversation like this.

"Tell me," Rafa prompts.

"A teaching post at NYU, they need more Criminal Justice professors and have reached out to me before but I wasn't ready yet. I think I'm going to call to set up an interview." There is the first hint of insecurity in her.

"Liv, that's incredible! You are exactly the right person to teach young minds who plan to go into law enforcement. Really, I can think of no one better for the job," and he can't.

Grasping his hand Olivia takes it from her face to press kisses to his palm. Very much enjoying this playful and light mood they are sharing she also bites at the heel of his hand, at this he quickly jerks his hand away from her.

Liv lets it go to look at him again, "and they told me about this defense class they offer female students that they are hoping I might be an instructor for. They call it RAD, it stands for rape aggression defense. It is basically what to do it the event of an attempted assault or rape. I think it is the right way to go."

Rafael can only feel happiness in himself for her happiness, "me too."

Tomorrow is Saturday and there are no plans for the morning but sleep, and no alarms. Rafael and Olivia are woken up by their secondary alarm system - Noah.

The little bundle of manic energy unleashes himself on his parents early the next morning, storming into their bedroom proclaiming, "Momma, Daddy! Abuelita y yo are going to get pancakes! Please come with us?"

His Abuelita is trailing behind her grandson, tired, after having attempted to hamper his progress in interrupting his parent's sleep. Lucia stops in the doorway taking in the sight of the family in their own home. Even though they have just had a rude awakening Lucia can see the sleepy kind of happiness both Raf and Liv are both experiencing having their boy in bed with them. Raf pulls Noah in with one arm, bringing his little body on top of his own.

Noah throws his head back laughing on top of his dad, "morning Daddy!"

Tickling his son's sides, leaving loud smooches, and blowing raspberries in any spot he can reach Rafael has Noah laughing and squirming by the time he loudly answers, "bueños dias hijo." Finally Rafael ends his onslaught on the boy, "now I think I heard mention of pancakes?"

"Sí Papí! Vamos!" Noah pulls on Raf's hands attempting to get him upright and out of bed.

Olivia is propped up on her elbow taking in the sight of her two guys. For the longest time in her life Olivia never imagined she would get this and now she is laying bed, not dreaming, but living that dream.

Sighing Liv drops back to the pillow to make eye contact with Lucia and the two share a small smile, enjoying the scene playing out for them. A moment later Liv throws the blanket away from her, "well, what are we waiting for? Let's go get pancakes!"

All together the family of four heads out and gets their much awaited pancakes.

Lucia also had somewhat of an ulterior motive for the outing, while cutting into her arepas (a corn pancake sandwich with cheese in the middle) she does her best to sound innocent as she asks, "so have you two made any more decisions about the wedding?"

Groaning Rafael drops back into his seat, " _Mamí por favor._ "

Olivia puts a comforting hand on top of Rafael's, "not many but I told Rafi I want him wearing suspenders to match my bouquet. There will be some color in the ceremony, I know you weren't thrilled with the black and white idea. I thought it might be kind of cool to have us be the only ones with any colors on us."

"Oh mija, I love it," and she does, "anything else?"

Liv smiles into her next bite while Rafael rolls his eyes, "no not yet." After a pause, "maybe we can see the garden today?"

Rafael shrinks in on himself, anxious and apprehensive about what reaction he might get from everyone.

Noah doesn't disappoint though, "yay!"

The hand Olivia had rested on Rafael's squeezes it, "I would love to see it." She leans into his side, "will you take me on the walks you took Abuelita on?"

Rafa drops his forehead to Liv's temple, "I would love to."

Lucia claps her hands together in victory, "perfect!"

As soon as the bill is paid Rafael wrangles everyone into the car and drives them all to the Bronx. Lucia has opted to sit in the backseat with Noah and they are currently making silly faces for the selfies Noah has insisted they take. Noticing their antics Olivia pulls out her phone and gets their attention.

"Smile!" Olivia directs while leaning over to get them all in the picture, save Raf who needs to be focused on the road.

They park and pay their way in. Rafael takes Olivia's hand, "Noah, Mamí, Olivia are going to go for a walk, we will meet back up with you soon okay?"

Even though it's fall the beauty of the place isn't lessened in any way. Hand in hand Liv and Raf stroll down a dirt pathway of winding trees dotted through with plants.

"Tell me about her," Liv requests softly.

"She was the best thing in my life growing up," Rafael starts easily. "Whenever things would get really bad with my father and I had to get away she would save me. Abuelita told me all about Cuba, all about where I came from. She would help me with my Spanish. Abuelita, she taught me so much, showed me so much. With Mamí and dad I didn't feel like I had a place in life, Mom was always so busy working and keeping our family together and functioning and Dad was dad. But Abuelita, she always had time and a place for me."

Everything that comes out of Rafael's mouth Olivia takes in and cherishes, there aren't many times she can remember when he opened up quite this much and she isn't going to take it for granted.

The entire time they walked Rafael talked, he spoke about things he held in for so long that by the time they reach the conservatory everything feels lighter.

"Thank you Olivia, I needed this so much. I needed to feel close to her again, somewhere, and with someone, that doesn't hurt. You heal me everyday we are together. I love you everyday, and I am thankful for you everyday." Rafael has his eyes closed, not to close himself off to her, but to really settle into the emotion he is feeling, to find it deep within himself and express it to her, "I can't wait to marry you."

"I love you baby, and I feel so honored that you let me see every part of you, even the parts you don't want people to see, especially those parts. I love all you and the day we get married I will get to love that part of you and I am so excited for it." Liv tells him honestly.

Feeling closer than ever Olivia and Rafael make their way to meet back up with Lucia and Noah inside the garden's conservatory. And finally they can really see their wedding, see the day as they want it. And, just as Lucia wanted, they are excited to do the planning part they have been avoiding. The wedding isn't going to be on the back burner any longer they are going to jump right in and get to the "I do's."

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A/N: So obvi there is more coming. I think the next part of it is going to be really focused on the wedding. See you soon (hopefully)

x


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Hello Friends!

I'm sorry for the delay in uploading, I was hospitalized for a week and am still working on sorting myself out. Things have been tough, and I'm not even back at work yet... Anyhow, I know this is nothing really but I wanted to give you all ~something~ for the time being. More will be coming.

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"Okay my loves," Olivia addresses both Rafael and Noah at once, "I have to go to work for a few hours so you two are on your own for a bit." The sympathy and pity mixed on her face gives her an almost pained looked.

Rafael and Noah have both managed to contract a stomach bug simultaneously and would be staying home together hoping to get better. Rafael is convinced that they got the bug from when the two of them were at the grocery store last night and there seemed to be a gaggle of children who, to Raf, looked unnaturally pale, not to mention the clerk who herself had some sort of infection, Rafael would swear to it.

Mumbling to himself Rafael shuffles his way around Olivia back to their bedroom, "I am never doing the grocery shopping again."

But, because he is sick, and can't quite hear properly Rafa's words are louder than he intends them to be. Olivia hears but decides to ignore the sentiment, she thinks she would feel the same way if she were in his place.

Shrugging her bag onto her shoulder Olivia exits the apartment to go to the precinct for some paperwork that the brass has been waiting on. If it were up to her Olivia would be staying home to help nurse her boys back to health, but it isn't so she steps out into the hot Spring day that has fallen over the city.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Raf and Noah are moaning in their joint discomfort.

From inside the bathroom Raf hears the weak voice of his son, "Papí? Will you help me get back in bed?"

Rafael feels awful himself, but, knowing that his son is feeling this way is definitely worse. Shuffling his feet to the bathroom Raf makes his way over to Noah where he opens up the blanket that he wrapped around his body earlier and raises Noah into his arms.

"Let's lay down in in Mamí y Papí's bed together and try to get some sleep, okay?" Rafael suggests, already moving in that direction. Raf feels Noah's head shift once in what he assumes no be an agreement.

Setting Noah on the bed Rafael presses his lips to Noah's forehead before shuffling away to fetch each of them a glass of ginger ale. When Rafael finally returns he is exhausted from all the movement. The two of them had been up multiple times during the night vomiting which had carried through this morning and now both are worn out and still queasy. Raf sets the glasses on his bedside table only to crawl into bed behind Noah. The young man had already selected a show for them to have on while they fell asleep, _Planet Earth_.

"I like the way his voice sounds," explains Noah as Rafael makes himself comfortable in his big spoon position.

All the response Rafael gives in return is an agreeable hum. It only takes minutes for both sets of eyes to slip closed and sleep to pull them under with the soothing sound of David Attenborough's soft whispering tones gliding easily to their ears. Snuggled close together as they are Rafael and Noah's feverish bodies quickly begin to sweat. Before long, however, the fevers break and start to sweat out.

Waking 90 minutes later Rafael is blinking awake and finds that he still has Noah in a strong grasp in the circle of his arms and that both of them have sweat so much that their clothes are sticking to them.

Regretfully he shakes Noah awake, "Noh, mi amor, wake up for a minute, we have to change."

Moaning, and with bleary eyes Noah blinks awake and looks to his father, "m'kay Papí." Though he makes no movements right away.

Eventually both of them push themselves upright. Rafael shivers as he peels his now sticky sweat pants and t-shirt from his body and replaces them with the first two comfortable things his hands land on. Once he redresses himself Raf moves back over to the bed and to Noah who sits patiently waiting with his arms raised.

When Noah is in his dad's arms he clings to him like a barnacle with all four limbs. Noah and Rafael quickly repeat the process of changing clothes.

"How is your tummy feeling hijo?" Raf softly inquires.

"It's okay, I'm mostly just tired now." Noah let's Raf know with his head dropped onto his shoulder.

Sharing the feeling Raf nods and rubs his cheek on Noah's, earning a tiny giggle, as he brings them back to bed. "Let's get some more rest," Raf suggests, depositing Noah onto the bed and crawling in behind him once again. _Planet Earth_ is still streaming on the television and both easily fall asleep again.

After being in the office for four hours Olivia rolls her shoulders and packs her things and go home. She makes her way home blessedly quickly, which she won't question the circumstances leading to her luck. It is a short twenty minutes after leaving the 1-6 that Olivia is letting herself into the apartment. Things are quiet when she steps inside, but that is to be expected with sick housemates. Shedding her shoes, jacket, and bag Olivia moves around unhurried.

Eventually she finds the sleeping figures of Noah and Rafael where they are lying in Raf and Liv's bed. They are adorably spooned together underneath the comforter on Raf's side of the bed. The television is on but Netflix is asking whether they are still there, rather than playing a video. Liv can feel a tug of her heartstrings at the sight of them. There was a time in Olivia's life where a happiness like what she is feeling now even existed, let alone felt obtainable. She slips her phone's camera on with a swipe of her thumb and snaps a lovely, cuddly, pic of her family knowing that the image will always contain this warm pleasant feeling she holds in her belly. Liv's eyes flick over the shot and determine it worthy of keeping before she replaces her phone in her pants once more.

With a soundless laugh Olivia switches the television off and pads her way into the living room. On her way there Liv makes a detour to the kitchen to grab a snack and a water bottle. She settles herself on the couch with her kindle and gets comfortable to begin to read.

About 150 pages later Olivia hears some gruff rumbles from the bedroom followed shortly by slow shuffling sounds of Raf coming Liv's way. Twisting her torso Olivia looks over the back of the couch and spots Raf and Noah looking endearingly ruffled.

Upon seeing his mother Noah perks up, to the extent that he can, "hello Momma!" He does managed a tone of excitement.

"Hello my sweet boys," Liv greets the two of them, standing up and going to them.

Raf gives her a weak smile and a, "hey," before he sets Noah on the counter. "We're both feeling a little hungry -"

"That's great!" Liv injects.

"Yeah," Rafael continues, "so we are going to make some toast, and even try our luck with some cream cheese."

Olivia stands at the counter, next to where Noah is seated, leaning on her hip. She reaches out for Noah, who goes readily into her arms. Pressing her lips to Noah's forward Liv feels his temperature has dropped.

"Would you like some apple slices while you eat your toast?" Liv asks. Both boys answer in the affirmative so Olivia obliges them.

On her way to the fridge for an apple Olivia hooks a hand into the bend of Rafael's elbow and tugs until is facing her. The smile she receives is very tired but his eyes are as loving as ever.

Stepping close Liv whispers, "have you brushed your teeth?"

With furrowed brows Rafael simply nods his answer to her. Giggling at his confusion Olivia presses her lips to his, hoping the action will make clear why she asked. A squeaky moan emtis from Raf's throat and then Liv feels his smile and knows he understands now, and he kisses her once in return before they both move on.

Their small family munches in near silence, happy to simply be together, and with considerably less vomit than 12 hours prior. Olivia decides she will have some toast alongside them, so that she will not cause any stomach upset with anything more daring, or aromatic. She suggests they both shower, rightfully assuming that being clean would help them feel better still. They spend the rest of the day relaxing to get to feeling completely better.

Neither Rafael or Olivia, if they were to think about it, could really believe that there was a time this wasn't their norm, things felt so right, so natural and all three family members, and Lucy, easily fell back into routine after the sick day.

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A/N: Thanks, as ever, for reading!

xx


	16. Chapter 16

A/N:I finally got through writing this flipping chapter! It was work my friends. Until Monday this was just three paragraphs long... My original intention for this chapter had been to have the wedding, but I kind of got caught up. Next chapter will be the wedding, I promise!

I've been meaning to say this, someone (of the Barson fandom) posted a screenshot on tumblr of an article saying Raul would be returning to his role (I don't think as a lead though) so my mind has formed this head cannon: Rafael didn't actually leave, he went back for Liv and they have started a romantic relationship together in February. I haven't seen a single episode since Raul left, I can't bring myself to do it, so I don't know how unlikely this is but my guess is very. A girl can dream though, right?

* * *

The shoe she is wearing is now dangling from the tips of Olivia's toes, touching no other part of her foot, though it may not last much longer considering the extent to which she is shaking her foot back and forth. Her, Noah, and Rafael had arrived at the restaurant not long ago and from the moment she had taken her seat Olivia could feel nothing but her insecurities and doubts.

They are sat down to dinner, it would normally be a rehearsal dinner and Liv is suddenly overcome by these feelings she was so sure would never come, not where her and Rafa are concerned. She isn't sure, at first, where these feelings could be coming from. Olivia has no doubt about Rafael's love for her and their son, nor does she have insecurities about the strength of the bond they share. Not until her meal order is placed does Liv finally work out the source of her fears; she is worried that she asked for too much, that she went a overboard.

Here she is, a woman in her 40's, just days away from finally marrying the love of her life and she is panicking. They went for the whole white wedding, Liv has a big dress, Raf has his tuxedo, and the perfect venue. And there is nothing in Olivia's mind, at the moment, that is able to justify it. Why did she get to be so special, wasn't she too old for this kind of thing, what did she do to deserve this? These questions were inundating her mind and seeping into her posture, and mood.

Rafael can't help but take notice, leaning into her side he whispers, "¿que pasa mi amor? You're fidgeting." With a gentle hand Rafael takes Olivia's left hand to cradle in between both of his own, using his thumb he plays with Liv's engagement ring. He notices that his actions seem to settle something within her, but there is an energy bubbling under her skin trying to pour out. ( _what's up my love?_ )

Liv flicks her gaze over to meet Rafael's but it doesn't hold it, she doesn't want him worrying simply because she is insecure. She has to hold herself back from saying ' _it's not you it's me_ ' as some sort of preventative measure of reassuring him, though it would likely have the opposite effect. Blowing out a long breath through her nose Olivia attempts eye-contact again and this time manages to sustain it. She is frightened that he will read exactly what she is feeling, he has always been able to, it wouldn't suddenly stop happening now.

With the broken look in her eyes Rafael's brow immediately cinches, creased in worry. He slides a hand over her cheek in such a soft touch and Liv feels her heart break. It is this simple tender act that nearly breaks her composure, to her own horror. Olivia hiccups out a short, harsh breath before shaking her head, attempting to indicate she can't speak at the moment.

The lines in Rafael's forehead only deepen, "let's take a moment outside okay?"

Her bottom lip wobbles somewhat pathetically but she nods. They stand in unison, Rafael meets Fin's eyes as he waits for Olivia to step out in front of him, a nod from each man is the extent of the conversation that passes between them before Rafael takes his place behind his fiancée, hand resting in the curve of her lower back.

Outside the restaurant Olivia makes a detour so that she is in the small alleyway between buildings, Rafael quickens his pace to keep up. He rounds the corner of the alley some steps behind Olivia only to find her pacing in short steps, arms hugging her middle.

Stepping into her path Raf stops her in her tracks, "talk to me nena, what's bothering you?" His voice and eyes are soft and unaccussing and somehow it breaks Liv.

A single sob wrenches through her lips before she dives into Rafa's embrace. Liv's hands travel beneath his blazer to press into his back, fingers grasping desperately at him, digging in, her face turned into his neck and shaky breaths issuing shallow and harsh against his skin.

Concerned Rafael returns the hug without thought and rocks them gently from side-to-side in an effort to calm the woman in his arms. His mind is racing, trying to discern what could possibly causing this kind of reaction from her. The only thoughts that pop into his mind are too scary for him to voice so he waits, only telling her how much he loves her until she is ready to speak.

It doesn't take long, Olivia doesn't actually allow herself to cry, but composes herself once more. Pulling back just far enough to take in his face, "Rafa," she starts, her voice hoarse from swallowing her tears, "do you think I'm being ridiculous? Do you think I went overboard with all of this?"

She doesn't need to be explicit in what she is referring to, Rafael knows, and it makes him want to turn away from her, but that wouldn't be good for either of them. So he takes three deep breaths, in through his nose, out through his mouth, before he speaks.

"Why would you think that Liv? Are you having - did you change your mind about things? About us?" Despite the deep breathing Rafael's voice still shakes.

It hurts her that she made him doubt himself, and she is tempted, again, to tell him that it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with her. Liv takes a hand off of his body, and she can see in Rafa's eyes that he thinks she is retreating away from him, but it doesn't stay off him for long. She shifts her right hand from his back to his chest, over his heart, and shakes her head.

"No Rafa, I absolutely want to marry you. My mind and my heart have never wavered from that. But I'm scared I'm going to look foolish in a big white dress, with my hair and makeup done. It just feels too perfect? Maybe." She sighs, her thumb now running a path along his chest, "growing up I never really pictured being married, for a long time I didn't really understand the concept, my mom never married so I didn't think I would either. And then when I was a teenager, young, too young, I saw it as an escape. I could get away from my mom, out of her control.

"It was never really a healthy picture in my head, and even as an adult I struggled with the concept of love. What it looked like. What it felt like. I think that I only figured it out when you came along." They both smile shyly at one another, "and now I'm almost fifty and we are getting married and feels like more than I deserve.

"Mom used to tell me. Yell at me really, saying no one would ever love me enough to want to spend a lifetime together. And I believed her for a long time. I decided to settle with whatever life gave me, but I couldn't do it. When I couldn't commit to anyone, and they sure as hell weren't going to commit to me, not like I needed, I made the decision to be alone. And those words my mom told me seemed to be true." Liv breaks their eye contact to settle on his adam's apple for a while, "if my parents couldn't even love me did I deserve it? I know that's not how it works Rafa. I know. But you feel perfect to me. The way you love me is the best thing I have ever known and I'm scared my mom is right. I'm scared that you'll see me walking toward you in this white dress and come to your sense, realize I don't deserve this." Her head is bowed in shame in fear as the last few words leave her mouth.

Any fear Rafael felt, when she first began to voice her worry, is gone now. He is resolute in his feelings for this woman and he will be damned if anything or anyone tries to convince her of something different, up to and including herself, and the distant voice of her abusive mother.

Lifting his hands Rafa cradles Olivia's face in his hands, tilting her head so she can no longer avoid meeting his stare, "tú eres todo para mí." Raf gulps down his emotions and pushes on, for her, "eres el sol, la luna, y las estrellas. Ti y a nuestro hijo son los únicos que importan a mí." ( _You are everything to me. You are the sun, the moon, and the stars. You and our son are all that matters to me._ )

Pausing a few beats Raf lets his words settle in Liv's mind before speaking again, "we aren't our parents Olivia. You're not your mother, something unforgivable happened to her and it changed who she was as a person. She didn't believe in herself and tried to make you the same way but you're more than she was. You have changed so many lives for the better. There are a whole bunch of people in that restaurant right now that would agree with me." A watery chuckle emits from Liv's throat. "And if I could, and if I didn't think it would be the singularly most embarrassing thing for you ever, I would go to every person in this city and have them tell you how much you deserve every bit of good coming your way.

"But you are too humble for that. Most of the time," a smug grin accompanies his statement. "It can be hard believing in yourself, I know, I struggle with it everyday. But you and I together, I think we might just be stubborn enough to get through our own heads, 'hell yeah I do deserve this.' So if you want me, I'm damn sure I want you right back and I can't wait to see you as a bride." His speech pauses while a smile overtakes his face, he is glowing, "my bride."

Finding herself at a loss for words Olivia brings Rafael into a searing kiss, stealing his breath, just as he has stolen her's. It lasts long moments, and they both savor it, feeling the body heat they are sharing keeping them more than warm enough. When the time comes for them to part Liv doesn't go far, leaning her forehead to Rafa's. He sways them once more, this time to a silent melody, to the beating of their hearts.

It has been nearly ten minutes since the couple excused themselves from the rest of their group and Lucia has begun to worry. She finds them in the alleyway, dancing by themselves, looking blissfully ignorant of the fact there is a dumpster not five feet away from them. She intends to stay quiet, to watch them like this, but her nieto ( _grandchild_ ) has other ideas.

Noah had followed along with his abuelita to find his parents when they still hadn't returned. Peeking from behind her legs the young boy sees them embracing. He looks to Lucia, trying to figure out why they stopped. Her expression gives him no indication so he moves forward on his own. Stepping around Lucia Noah marches his way up to Raf and Liv who still haven't noticed his arrival. At their feet he stops to ponder for a moment and Lucia is enraptured, caught by what he might be up to. With an idea formed Noah shimmies his way onto his father's feet, but facing outward, to wrap his arms around his mother's waist.

Rafael is startled slightly by the intruder at first, then, seeing it is Noah, he smiles down at the face of his son and happily sways once more. Liv drops a hand from Rafa's shoulder to Noah's hair and beams at the two best men in her life. And she lets herself feel deserving in the happiness she feels enveloping her.

Their peace doesn't last long, Noah breaks it, "I'm _starving_ can we go eat now?"

Olivia and Rafael release each other with a giggle and Noah takes their hands to lead them back inside to eat, Lucia joins them once they have made it to her. She makes no comment, simply puts her phone back into her pocket and falls into step with her family. She is glad they don't question things because she wants to surprise them with the perfect family portrait they just created, merely by being them, something that she was lucky enough to witness and capture in a photo.

Rejoining their extended family and their friends is seamless for the four of them. No one questions the disappearance, just knowing it was a private matter and was intended to stay that way.

Two nights before the wedding was the bachelor/bachelorette party. Not being terribly young anymore Rafa and Liv decide enjoying the night together with friends is perfectly fine with them. They weren't involved in the planning though, Sonny and Amanda decided to take on that burden themselves.

This is how the pair, along with a large group of friends, find themselves walking into a "hip" karaoke bar. The bar must have taken a reservation for their party because they had their own section to themselves. The couches were lower to the ground than Rafael preferred complaining that he was too old to have to get up and down from this position. But there wasn't another complaint out of anyone, about the bar anyway.

"You're really going to try to get us to sing karaoke?" Voices Rita, her tone nothing but disdain.

But Sonny, with his Teflon personality just answers unflinching, "yup! And to make it a little more exciting we thought we could make it a competition!" He raises his lanky frame up to the balls of his feet for a few seconds before resting back on solid ground again. Still smiling he addresses everyone again, "the bride and groom will be team captains and we can award points based on audience reaction."

Nearly as soon as Carisi's lips are finished forming the final word Rafael is already speaking, and shaking his head, " nope, no, uh-uh. I don't do karaoke."

Liv turns to face Raf smiling broadly, "yes he does." Her tone is very authoritative and Raf pouts. He actually pouts! "But I'm not going to compete with him," she finishes.

Knowing Rafa and how he will react Olivia shoots him a hard look quashing any remark to the contrary before it can be spoken.

Amanda pipes in now, "c'mon y'all! It's just a bit of fun between friends. What happened to your frankly, disturbing, levels of competitiveness Liv?" Amanda fixes her boss and her friend with a stare letting her know she won't be getting out of this one. Not tonight.

"Oh don't get me wrong, I'm all for competition. But I don't like taking part in something I can't win." And because she is sure Rafa looks very smug at the moment Liv pinches the side of his leg playfully, keeping him in check.

Brandi peeks out from between her seat mates so she can add her two cents, "please Liv I've heard him singing when he thinks we can't hear him at the office. Put me on your team and we can totally take this guy down." She thrusts a thumb in Rafael's direction, obviously not worried about going up against him.

Having scanned the drink menu and made her selection Olivia shrugs mightily and agrees to the proposal. "Fine but when he is completely insufferable you guys are the ones that will have to deal with him."

Laughter rolls in Rafael's chest as he leans into whisper in Liv's ear, "don't worry mí amor, I already have the perfect plan to celebrate my upcoming win." He's angled so no one is able to see his face well enough and bites down on her ear, tugging lightly before licking and kissing below her ear, then elaborating his idea, "eating out sounds just right. And I want to take my time, enjoy my _meal_ thoroughly. Go back for seconds even."

Doing her absolute best Olivia suppresses a shudder that tries to run through her. Twisting so they are face to face Liv speaks in a hushed tone, "how strange, that was what I was thinking about for my prize when _I_ win."

Not wanting to get carried away in front of everyone Rafael allows himself only a chaste kiss and a quiet moan, "fantastic it's a win-win!" Okay, one more kiss couldn't hurt, then he looks at their party, "fine we agree to your terms."

Clapping his hands together Sonny speaks, "great! Lieu why don't you take the first pick."

Liv thrusts a hand out to her left, which isn't incredibly helpful as her and Rafael are sitting at end of everyone and so the whole group is basically on her left. She clarifies her hand gestures, "Brandi!" It comes out like a demand.

"Hell yeah!" Brandi shouts.

There's a pause before Rafael makes his choice, Amanda takes the opportunity to sort out another detail, "wait, wait, wait!" Amanda interjects. "We need to have clear teams," the section is arranged in a U shape with a long table running up the middle, Amanda points at Liv, "your team can have this side," then points to Rafael before motioning him away, "your team will sit on that side of the table."

With an exaggerated sigh and deep frown Rafael shuffles over to where Amanda pointed him to. Not before stealing another kiss from Olivia.

Plopping down and crossing his arms Rafael surveys the faces of those around him, "Fin. I guess."

Fin rolls his eyes, "thanks Barba, I can tell you're going to be a barrel of laughs tonight."

Dropping his act Raf looks at his now teammate and shrugs, "I might be. And now that I think about it, this might be the first time in my life I won't be getting picked last for a team!" The thought seems to pep him up even more.

Everyone enjoys his realization laughing together. It doesn't take long for everyone to be sorted into teams and make their way to the respective couches. Olivia's team consists of: herself, Brandi, Amanda, Ken, and Alejandro. Rafael's team is: Rafa, Rita, Fin, Lucy, and Carisi. When Rafael had chosen Lucy Olivia made a noise of indignation, to which Rafael stuck out his tongue. They had both heard Lucy sing along to Noah's movies and knew about her musical talent.

The group has two rounds of drinks before sending anyone into the lion's den.

Rather bravely Sonny punctures the feeling of anxiety shrouding the lot of them and takes the stage first. The DJ queues up his song selection while Sonny takes the stage and the mic.

"How's everyone doing tonight?" It's mostly rhetorical but the crowded bar answers indicating they are doing well. "I'm here with the group in the back there, to celebrate our friend's wedding in a couple of days." The crowd cheers rambunctiously at this, "Liv, Rafael stand up and wave for the people." They do, after some cajoling, Sonny moves on quickly, "I hope the song I picked gets everyone ready to have some fun tonight."

Almost as if they had planned it this way the music begins then and Sonny makes quite a performance while singing to The Backstreet Boys "I Want it That Way." He even manages to get the crowd into it, singing with him. As he winds his way back through the crowd Rafael looks triumphant saying, "point to us." Liv decides to stick her tongue out at him this time.

The teams switch off in sending members out to sing, Ken is the first from Liv's team. He decides to sing "If You Like Piña Coladas" fully aware that he cannot sing too well and that song is easy to pull off. Ken gets the crowd responding to him with the lyrics anytime he holds out the mic. Even if his voice isn't the best he certainly knows how to work the room. Olivia decides it's enough to earn them a point.

When it's Fin's turn he throws down a near perfect performance to Run DMC's "It's Tricky" laying down every word with confidence and precision.

Liv goes on stage to do a song but before the music can kick on Rafael shouts from the back, "she's gonna be my wife!" He is on his fourth drink in just over two hours, and he's happy, he doesn't care if he sounds like a fool to anyone else.

The crowd erupts with cheers, Olivia looks momentarily mortified but shakes it off quickly. Grasping the mic she addresses the whole room, "like he said, I'm getting married in a couple of days, so maybe go easy on me, okay?"

Madonna's "Like A Virgin" begins and Liv sings along well-enough. Her voice can definitely match the notes but she doesn't exactly get into the entertainment aspect of things until the song is nearly finished. The crowd seems to have listened well as she gets a standing ovation from much of the room, most notably from Rafael who sends a wolf whistle her way.

Olivia twists and turns back to the tables, getting congratulated all the way through. When she is back to the table she sits in the seat that is directly next to the other team while Raf does the same.

Leaning into her Rafael kisses Olivia softly, mouth kept closed in view of everyone, "you looked great up there mi sol."

Her face is hot with the compliment, though he is the very definition of biased, she still let's it wash through her. Scooting closer Liv tucks herself into Rafa's side, the length of her forearm resting in between his thighs, hand at his knee. Rejoicing in her touch Rafael places a hand on her back and snakes it underneath her top to her skin, silky, smooth, and bare. They take a moment to enjoy each other, faces close they smile softly, just content to stare at each other for the time being.

It seems as though all the women of the group notice their positioning as one and all snap a picture. It's a very endearing moment full of love, that is until they get accosted once everyone is finished capturing the sight on camera. The jabs come from all sides: "No colluding with the enemy!" "Hey back off of each other, we need to take them down, not make nice." "Oy! Lovebirds! Go your separate ways. You have the rest of your lives for this nonsense."

Startled by the cacophony at first the pair jump away from each before falling back together laughing. When they have composure back they push off one another and shuffle away, so as to not be tempted again.

When everyone gets settled once more Brandi pops up from her seat, "my turn now." With that she twirls to face the stage, her midi skirt swirling around her hips and legs and casting out a small wind in all directions before she marches her way out of the group of friends and onto the stage.

Looking out into the faces of those spectating and then to the party she is part of in the back of the room Brandi takes a deep breath and grabs the mic, "I hope you all like Adele." Her eyes narrow scanning her opposing team, there are shouts throughout the room that provide a surge of confidence. Especially when she notices nearly her whole group has cheered her on, including her competition.

The first notes of "Someone Like You" by Adele filter through the speakers and another shout sounds out. Brandi's performance is fantastic, she wasn't joking when she said she could take Rafael on with her own talent. After finishing the song she brings the mic back to her mouth for one final comment.

"I so wanna drop the mic right now, but I'll refrain." With a dainty curtsey Brandi takes off back to her seat.

Olivia welcomes her back, arms open hugging and raining praise on the young woman. The bravado she displayed on stage seems to be gone now and Brandi is hugging Olivia back while a flush colors, what feels like, her whole body.

With her mouth near Brandi's ear Liv tells her, "that was amazing! We actually have a chance at this!"

Shaking her head a bit at the attention Brandi responds with a simple, "told ya." And then, as an afterthought, "imagine if he just crushed us all with his singing? The ego!" Rolling her eyes and laughing she takes her seat once more.

Liv laughs with her and talks to her back, "trust me, I know."

Brandi turns her head back to face Olivia and raises her eyebrows suggestively. Liv shrugs, unperturbed by the suggestion of her action.

Rita and Lucy decide it's their time to face the music. They are doing a duet because Rita adamantly refused to go solo. Lucy was the only one to give in and agree to do a song together, as long as she got to pick. After a clear argument takes place between the two woman while another performer is on stage Lucy seems to get her way. Together they belt out a decent rendition of "Wannabe" be The Spice Girls, drunk enough to really let loose and have fun with the song from Lucy's childhood. They even hug at the end of the song, before high-fiving and returning to the party, heads held high.

Rafael practically yells to Rita upon her return to her seat, "a big improvement from college, I think." And if he weren't so inebriated Rafael might have been, at least slightly, frightened of the searing look Rita sends his way.

During the two women's performance Amanda and Alejandro huddled together, deciding to do a duet themselves. Taking stage Amanda takes the lead, "please excuse the selection, we both have young children, I'm sure y'all will understand."

The more she drinks the thicker her southern accent seems to become with Amanda.

Alejandro brings the mic up to his mouth as the song starts and sings out the Aladdin parts of "A Whole New World" while Amanda takes up Jasmine's lines.

The crowd gathered before them more than understands and sings along heartily. It is the perfect demographic for the song, apparently. Delighting in the attention Amanda and Alejandro jump and dance across the stage the entire time. They return to the group completely breathless but unable to hold in grins.

The same waitress who has been serving them all night comes around with their latest orders, everyone reigns themselves in, for her sake. When she is gone the groups, as a whole, realizes Rafael has yet to go. The pestering starts right away, they aren't going to let him out of this.

"Come on Rafael, everyone else has done it! Even me!" Ken points out.

Most of the comments are along the same lines as Ken's. Not Rita though, "do what you want Rafael, I don't need to see how much your ego inflates once people hear you sing. I couldn't care less about losing." She quickly amends her statement, "in this one circumstance," holding up a finger to stop any arguments to the alternative.

He remains seated the whole time people are shoving playfully at his shoulders and cajoling him, or trying to anyway. It's only when he meets Olivia's eyes that he knows that his stubbornness isn't going to save him. Crossing her arms Liv simple gestures her head toward the stage.

Hanging his head Rafael sighs before standing and trudging to the front of the room. He talks to the man who has been dj-ing all night for a minute or two, looking as though he is confirming something.

Stepping into the spotlight Rafael speaks into his microphone, "my friends back there," he indicates his party, "are making me do this so I'm not going to be holding anything back. And if you will indulge me, I want to do two songs." It isn't really an option he is giving anyone, so he moves on, still talking, "one song is less to show off and more for fun, and the other is still going to be fun but I'm definitely going to be showing off with it. Which one do you think I should do first? Fun or show?"

All sorts of shouts and cheers rise up in the audience, but 'fun' wins out.

"Okay, fun one first it is," first Rafa nods to the dj, then looks back at his party, "Liv would you please join me.?"

She looks flabbergasted at the request but is forced toward him and so goes without much thought. When Liv reaches Rafael he plops her onto a stool waiting for her. The speakers begin playing out the music and Olivia squirms in her seat.

The attention of the crowd would have been fine, but mix that with the intensity of Rafael's attention and the fact he is serenading her, Liv feels the need to hide her face. For now she laughs good-naturedly and cups both hands over her face. At least now the flush of her skin won't be as obvious.

However, the first note from Raf's mouth has Liv showing her face again. She jerks her hands back into her lap, surprised at his pick, "Marry You" by Bruno Mars. It is entirely appropriate for the night they are having. Liv looks at Raf and only pays attention to him. And Raf is doing the same, he may be singing and dancing (kind of) so that those watching could enjoy it but this is solely for Olivia. There is a stupidly wide grin that is threatening to hurt her cheeks in place on Olivia's face. It shows no signs of diminishing either. Not while Raf is singing about wanting to marry her.

When the song reaches the very repetitive verse of "don't say no, no, no, no, no…" and so on, Rafael grabs Liv's hand and quite expertly spins her to a standing position, to her complete surprise.

"Rafa!" Squeaks Olivia, quickly hiding her face in his shoulder.

The actions of both seem to please the crowd who let out a collective, "awww."

At the last line of the song, the final, "who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you," he dips her. Rafael actually bends Olivia backwards, dipping her gracefully before restoring her upright and against his body.

Liv can't hold back the, "show-off," that escapes her lips, and goes straight to the microphone causing a laugh to ring in the whole bar.

It doesn't phase Rafa though, he is beaming at her and merely shrugs a single shoulder. Taking her left hand in his right Rafael brings it to his mouth where kisses the inside of her ring finger, just below the ring there.

"I'll let you go now mi sol, I have some more showing-off to do, and a competition to win." Raf sends Liv off stage with a wink. She gives a nonchalant wave of her hand, thrown over her shoulder while walking away causing Raf chuckle.

Just a few moments later another song kicks on, "Another Bites the Dust" by Queen blasts into everyone's ears and Rafael really puts on a show. With a snazzy, galloping kick the lyrics flow from Raf's mouth, to the mic, "Oh, let's go!" He raises his arms, does a pivot turn and walks to the beat, miming along with the words of the song.

The entirety of his performance Rafael is dancing, jumping, and moving. All while singing along beautifully. When the song finishes he takes a bow, chest heaving attempting to catch his breath. The crowd has risen to their feet and Raf can't help but shoot a smug look Olivia's way. She rolls her eyes at him, but she's on her feet too. Liv never doubted how well he would do once he got on stage. When he finds himself back with his friends he plants his feet to stand directly in front of Olivia. She had remained standing so her and Raf are eye-to-eye before eventually sitting down.

Everyone seems to have strategically placed themselves with just enough space between them so it doesn't create a comfortable spot but too much for Rafael to have one of his own. After Liv sits he pouts down at her, pleading silently to let him sit with her.

"I can either sit on your lap, or you can sit on mine mi amor. What do you choose?" Rafael asks, puppy dog eyes fully deployed.

There is no hesitation from the end of his question to when Liv has stood herself up again. Raf sits with a chuckle and tugs Liv to his lap, nuzzling right into her neck. There he places several open mouthed kisses, too far into the realm of drunken delirium to care about PDA.

Kissing his way to Liv's ear Rafael takes the time to remind her of their earlier conversation, "looks like I won Livy," she rarely let's him call her that, and never anyone else. "Don't forget our deal." He is speaking loud enough for the others to hear.

Liv ignores the stares and address only Raf, "oh don't worry dear, I always keep my promises."

Lucy and Brandi, who have quickly befriended one another both make faces of disgust, "ew, keep it to yourselves!" They chastise the happy couple.

Uncaring, maybe even motivated by the words, Liv pulls Rafa's face into her own kissing him and biting down on his bottom lip, noticeably tugging on it. Another chorus of complaint rumbles through the party. She takes the opportunity to flip the group off. Meanwhile Rafa has one hand, that had been anchoring Liv to his lap, spread across her backside. Obvious pressure being applied.

Finally they pull apart, Liv leaving a pat on Rafa's cheek before turning in his arms so she now has her back, rather than her side, to his chest. Rafa moves his hands to cover her belly.

A sour expression and a sarcastic attitude are sent the couples way from Lucy, "that was like seeing my parents make out."

A napkin arches right into Lucy's forehead seconds after she speaks, "you better watch yourself then, or else you're grounded." Rafa matches Lucy's playful tone after witnessing Olivia accost the young woman with numerous napkin missiles.

Lucy can do nothing but throw her head back laughing. Well that, and lob the napkins back at Olivia.

A silent consensus is agreed upon within the party, the competition is over. Rafael was always going to win. They decide instead to simply have fun. Some of them sit back and watch, nursing their drinks. Others settle together and make song selections to do as a group.

Carisi manages to nag Amanda into agreeing to singing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" with him. Their blood alcohol levels contribute to a highly entertaining show. They stumble at bits here and there but overall the pair makes it through the song having gotten most of the words right.

Arms hooked together they drop into a rather unbalanced bow before shuffling away to sit back down.

Brandi, Lucy, and Rafael are whispering amongst themselves discussing their strategy for the song they plan to do. A few other patrons take their turns on stage before the trio settles into agreement.

At the next available free slot they scramble forward to the stage. Once all three have microphones in hand they take the stage and Brandi steps forward for a bit of a preface, "us two ladies," she hinges her thumb to indicate herself and Lucy, "managed to convince this guy," she jabs her thumb in Raf's direction, "to come up here one more time."

Brandi pauses anticipating the noise that will result from hearing this, and she isn't disappointed. Cheers, shouts, and whistles echo throughout. Once the ruckus dies down she continues on, "it's a Queen kind of night. Feel free to join in, I know you know the words." Making a motion like she is banging drums Brandi spins around to fall back, down stage, behind Rafael, and in line with Lucy.

And "Bohemian Rhapsody" begins. The three of them manage a wonderful harmony. Rafael takes lead vocals while Lucy and Brandi back him up. The two women seem to have magically choreographed a dance between them. With simple steps and a lot of swaying Lucy and Brandi occupy their time with dance moves and let Rafael focus on his singing.

Having listened to Brandi speak the crowd really starts to get into things at the 'thunderbolt and lightning' verse, really projecting the lyrics.

Rafael takes on the highest notes, while Lucy and Brandi enjoy themselves lowering the octave in which they are singing, sinking closer to the floor as they do so. Once Rafael approaches singing 'nothing really matters' both Lucy and Brandi flank him on either side and put an arm around his waist. Rafael returns the gesture as the two women gently let out, "anyway the wind blows."

Bowing they drop off the microphones and run off. They are received with high praise from the rest of the party, hugs, high fives, and encouraging words wash over them.

The night is running into the very early hours of the next day when Rafael and Olivia take their leave. Going around to each of their friends they thank them all for coming out, wishing them a safe ride home, along with a promise to see them on Sunday.

Arriving in front of Lucy and Brandi Olivia rests a tender hand to the cheek of each woman. The younger women gaze up at her each with glassy eyes, rosy cheeks, and smiles that only drinking can bring about. She swipes a thumb over their cheekbones, "be safe my loves. Enjoy the rest of the night and please text me so I know you made it home okay."

Obediently both nod and Lucy interjects, "yes Mom."

Liv bops Lucy on the nose for her comment and attitude then brushes a kiss where her hands had been resting. She lets them go back to their night and finishes her round of goodbyes. Meeting back up with Rafael, where he is waiting for her, she takes his hand so they can make their way out of the bar together.

On the way through the patrons still milling about the couple is met with plenty of well wishes and congratulations. Finally out the door they take in a breath of the cool night air. Rafael had already order them a Lyft so they wait by the curb.

Turning into Rafael Liv pulls on his arm, pressing their bodies tight together, "I believe you're owed a prize when we get home baby."

Smirking Raf leans his head down to Liv's to touch their noses together, "oh yes, and I plan to collect." Getting in the car they don't break contact, wanting to maintain a physical connection in anticipation of a deeper one once they have all the privacy they need. And they can't wait.

* * *

A/N: Whew boy this one really got away from me. I had a really fun time writing and imagining this happen. You will get to read about Rafael's _reward_ to start the next chapter, along with the wedding. Sorry if the song selection seemed kinda weird for their ages, I just picked songs I like and listen to, and keep in mind I was born in '91 so I'm younger than all these here people.

Also can we all ignore the fact that I have created a timeline that straight up makes zero sense? Great, I'm glad we can all agree. Sorry for the rambling. Let me know if you liked this, or you have some helpful tips for me!

xx


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry it's so super long, I got carried away. I, finally, present to you: A Barson Wedding!

* * *

Even at 2:00 AM their driver still has to parse traffic. It goes mostly unnoticed by either passenger as they rest their eyes, collapsed against one another. Deliriously happy, but totally appropriately, grins adorn their faces resting between blushing cheeks. No one speaks for the whole car ride. The driver had simply greeted his customers once they were in place in the backseat of his car, and bids them a good night as they leave. The sentiment is returned then Olivia and Rafael wander their way back up the stairs to their apartment.

The alcohol running through their blood is giving off a pleasant warmth to each body and they feel light and dizzy with it. But in the best way. Once the door is closed and locked behind them Rafael pulls Olivia back into his body and rocks her, hips moving in a slow soothing motion. Stepping forward himself Rafa pushes Liv along with him, further into their home stopping in the living room.

"I wanna dance with you," he tells her, making sure to keep his voice low to ease them from the silence they'd been sharing.

Nodding Olivia folds herself into him so they are pressed fully together. At his neck, where her breath tickles him, she makes a request, "sing to me?"

Raf chuckles and steps back just a couple of inches for easy access to his phone, "I'll sing along, okay?" If she prefers just him he'll do it, but he wants the beat of the music and the notes of the instruments to surround them as well.

She simply nods again.

Raf hadn't been sure exactly what he had wanted to play for her, he knows that there are plenty of emotions that he could use songs to convey but, for now, he wants the mood light, excited. Smiling as he stops thumbing through his Spotify song list Rafael finds just the song he is looking for and taps it to play.

Olivia is met with the sound of bells and both Rafa and The Dixie Cups singing to her. There is nothing that she could do to stop a bright smile from forming on her lips. Liv burrows into Rafa's neck, her ear so close to his mouth that he doesn't need to sing very loudly for it to be all she hears.

"Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married.

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married.

Gee I really love you

And we're gonna get married

Going to the chapel, of love." Each breath of Rafael's blows evenly through Olivia's hair as the lyrics melt into her soul.

He sways them slowly and moves his hands up and down Liv's torso as he does. Rafael feels truly happy in this moment. He knows Liv feels the same and it is confirmed when she presses a short kiss to his neck before pulling her head back so she can look at him. The song ends quickly and Rafa stops his music, without looking so he doesn't break eye contact with Olivia.

Each of them is content in this moment, with no rush to be anywhere but here. That is until one of them shifts and their hips brush against each other and the slow easy mood breaks as they both move in for a kiss. It starts modestly, lips on lips, but moves rapidly deeper and suddenly Rafael's tongue is in Liv's mouth swiping at the roof of her mouth. Moaning at the sensation Liv steps further into Raf while digging her nails into his scalp and tugging at his hair.

Gliding his hands lower Raf palms Liv's ass before letting one of his hands roam lower to the back of her thigh. With a gentle pressure exerted by his fingertips Rafael has Olivia wrapping a leg around his waist. It's a perfect move because it brings his hardening erection to the warmth of Liv's center, pressing against her jeans, the seam applying pressure in the nicest way. Gasping into his mouth Liv refuses to break the kiss, merely rocks her hips into his, grinding into him.

Wrenching himself from the kiss Rafa takes in the sight of Olivia. Her lips are pink and swollen, eyes alert with desire, and a heaving chest. She is astonishingly beautiful.

Liv must be a mind reader as well, she opens her mouth and tells Rafael, "you have never looked more beautiful than you do right now."

The comment makes Rafael chuckle and pull Liv into a hug. At the change in position though Rafa's arousal comes flooding back, his erection is trapped between them and he propels the pair of them forward.

"I'm ready to claim my prize now, mi amor." Rafael is practically growling as he ushers Olivia back to the master bedroom.

As soon as they cross the threshold of the bedroom the clothing they are wearing is being tugged at. Luckily both Rafa and Liv had gone for simple outfits for the night. Raf in trousers and a button down without the extra flare of a tie, vest or suspenders. Liv has on black jeans and a cute blouse. Outfits are easily discarded and they are down to their underwear.

Groaning at the sensation of his skin being pressed so tightly to hers Rafael steps back to view Olivia, nearly naked, "you are gorgeous. Lay down for me?"

Bringing her hands behind her back Liv unclips her bra and discards it before submitting to Raf's request. Kneeling on the bed she then crawls into the center of the mattress, laying herself down on her back Liv waits for Rafael to make his move.

It doesn't come quickly, Rafa seems to want to take his time viewing Liv's body. Her nipples are hardened from meeting the air and her arousal, and Rafael's mouth waters a bit thinking of sucking and nibbling them. His sight is then set to the mound of her sex, still covered by her panties for the moment. By this time his erection is rock hard, and bobs in his pants when he finally, mercifully, climbs his way to Olivia.

Going up the length of her body, not quite touching, Rafael draws a noise of frustration from Liv's tightly sealed lips, as she attempts to reign her arousal in. Her hips take the initiative to raise from the mattress and brush Rafael's pelvis, her throbbing sex meeting the head of his erection. It causes Raf to hiss through closed teeth.

Upon finally reaching Liv's face when he is done with his journey up her body he captures her mouth in a desperate kiss. Tongues instantly meeting with each other. Leaning all his weight on one arm Rafa slides a hand to tickle along Liv's rib cage before cupping her breast, and finally, pinching her nipple.

The sensation spurs Liv to nip at Rafa's lips and grind her hips to his once again. She is gasping into his mouth with pleasure whenever he allows her mouth any sort of reprieve.

Lifting his face Rafael meet Liv's eyes, the desire shining there matching his own, he's sure of it. A final chaste kiss to her lips, then his hot mouth is pulling at the nipple his fingers aren't paying attention to. Raf sucks the pebbled bud between his lips, tongue swirling it while his thumb and forefinger pinch and pull at its twin. Liv mewls softly at the attention, writhing when he switches positions between his mouth and hand. He takes his time here, torturing Liv to a point of such frustration and want that she takes to humping at his thigh to look to gain some friction.

Moving on at his own pace Rafael lays kisses across her stomach to her hip bones. At the notch of Liv's left hip Raf bites and sucks until he has her marked just as he wants her.

Drawing out her torture Rafa skips her center to nip and kiss her inner thighs until Liv seems like she might simply take matters into her own hands, quite literally. Finally his face, his mouth, is where Olivia has been pleading for it to be and is giving her relief.

It takes only moments for Liv's body to seize in ecstasy, Rafa doesn't relent, however, bringing his fingers to her opening and pushes them inside her. Olivia has barely come down from her high when Rafa does this, her body staying tense, her walls clamping around his fingers. Not much needs to happen for Olivia's second orgasm of the night to rock through her, Rafael swallowing it all down.

Working her down from her high Rafael gently pulls his fingers back and allows Liv to breathe while he sucks the digits clean.

She looks beautiful laying, splayed out before him, sweating and blissed out. Rafa can't stand to hold his own pleasure back any longer and quickly shucks his boxer shorts and leverages his body over hers.

Liv looks at Rafael as he is hovering back over her again. It is clear he has drawn satisfaction from the pleasure he drew from her body, the pupils of his eyes so wide and hungry looking. Olivia brings him into a sloppy kiss as she feels his hand brushing over her thigh to position himself at the entrance of her body. Once lined up Rafa pulls away from the kiss to hold eye contact, pushing into her steadily until he is fully sheathed in the warm, slick walls of her body.

Their pace is slow, languid, and their moans quiet. Each breath and gasp pulled from either lovers throat is quickly swallowed up in the air between them. Olivia is shaking with the feeling, wrapping herself around Rafael. Her arms are hugged around his back, beneath his arms, and her fingernails surely leaving half moon indents in the skin under them. One leg is hooked over his hip and the other around his thigh. She is biting at his chest now, needing an outlet for all she is feeling. Liv marks Raf like he has marked her, this she places on his right pectoral and Raf growls at the sting of it.

With a snarl Rafa's thrusts become rougher, skin slapping together louder.

Whimpering with total submission and want Liv begs him, "faster, please."

Groaning Raf dips his head to hers to take her mouth again and speeds his thrusts. Things are becoming frantic as they both near their orgasms. Not long after Rafael has increased the pace of things Liv's body seems to levitate as every muscle tenses and she is at her peak, moaning Rafael's name over and over.

As Olivia's body tenses around his own Rafael knows he isn't far from his orgasm. A few harsh, shallow thrusts later and Rafa is following Olivia into oblivion.

The fog of pleasure clears from Rafael's vision and reluctantly he withdraws from Liv's body, hearing a whimper from beneath him. As a sign of forgiveness Raf brushes a chaste kiss to the corner of Liv's mouth.

The pair of them lay on their sides facing each other, without contact, for just a moment before Olivia slides back into Rafa's embrace. The sweat covering their bodies fuses them back together, stomach to stomach. Liv settles herself with her face buried in Rafa's neck, breathing in the smell of cologne, sweat, and sex against his skin. She presses small kisses to the skin she has the easiest access to and she feels him shiver.

Liv takes mercy on them both, she stands, pulls the blanket from the floor, where it ended up during their activities and throws it over Rafael before she makes her way to the bathroom so she can happily drift off to sleep with the love of her life.

Climbing back in Liv nestles into Rafa again, her front molding along his side, leg thrown over his. Nuzzling her nose to his cheek they both chuckle at the ticklish feeling it shoots through them both. Rafa has an arm curled under Liv's body and is stroking her back, soothing her into sleep.

In her last moments of consciousness Liv smiles and whispers to Rafael, "we're getting married tomorrow."

Raf sighs into her hair and mumbles his reply, "mi esposa." ( _my wife_ )

Saturday saw the little Benson-Barba family making some final preparations and last checks to ensure they had everything for tomorrow and it all goes smoothly. Sitting around the dinner table are Lucia, Noah, Rafa, and Olivia. They are enjoying having a simple home cooked meal and trying to relax.

There is an undercurrent of anxiety amongst them, but in the best way, anxious to get to tomorrow and celebrate the love that is shared between them. Noah almost vibrates with it.

The conversation is flowing steadily throughout the meal when Liv works up the courage to voice a question that's been on her mind for a while now.

During a brief bout of silence Olivia cuts in, "Lucia?" She questions, eyebrows pinched tight together, "can I ask you for a favor?"

Each family member continues to eat, thinking nothing of Olivia's request.

"Claro mija. ¿Que puedo hacer por ti?" Lucia answers easily, always willing to help her family. ( _Of course, what can I do for you?_ )

When the response doesn't come Lucia and Rafa look up, beginning to suspect this will be more than an offhand favor.

"¿Mi amor?" Rafael questions softly as he looks up at her, seeing her staring somewhere in the distance, "¿te encuentra bien?" ( _My love… are you alright?_ )

Shaking her head Olivia clears her mind of the broken memories that had caught her inside themselves. A tiny, but genuine, smile lifts the corners of her mouth meeting Rafa's gaze with her own.

Turning to Lucia, who has now focused her full attention to the woman she views as a daughter, Liv speaks again, "well, I was thinking-" she cuts herself off to clear her throat. "You're the only parent that Rafa and I have between us, and I know it's tradition for the bride's father to do this," she shrugs a shoulder and continues to babble, "but that was never going to happen, and I was thinking you could walk me down the aisle? Maybe? If you don't want to that's fine, I get it."

Olivia is practically out of breath when she finishes her rambling question. She hadn't realized just how nervous she felt about the answer until this moment. Lucia holds off on answering, hoping Liv will look at her. When a few beats pass and Olivia is still looking at her plate Lucia reaches a hand out to lay atop Liv's.

"Mirame," Lucia requests, Liv aquieses. "Beside the fact that Rafi is getting married to the perfect woman for him, I don't think anything could make me happier tomorrow." ( _Look at me._ )

Blowing out a breath Liv turns her hand up beneath Lucia's to cup them together. All she can do is smile back at her, what she is feeling seems too big for words.

At Noah's bedtime things proceed as normal, until they get to story time and Rafael makes a final attempt to offer this, "Liv are you sure don't want Noah and I to have a sleepover?" His right eyebrow is angled at a very steep incline as he checks with her again.

"Rafa don't be silly, besides neither of us will get a good night's rest without the other one there. It just makes more sense for you to stay in our bed." Liv makes it clear this is the final point that will be made here, regardless of how cute Noah looks pouting about it.

Finishing off bedtime Rafa and Liv settle into Noah's bed to continue with the Harry Potter series, now on the fourth book, _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_. It takes two chapters for Noah to fall asleep, energized as he is with the excitement of tomorrow.

Sneaking from their son's room, after placing a final kiss to each cheek, Rafa slips his hand into Liv's and pulls her along to the living room so they can cuddle on the couch for a bit. Liv follows willingly behind him. Although she collides with his backside when he stops abruptly upon entering the living room. There is no time to question his actions, however, as he spins on his heel and takes her into his arms. Squeezing around her shoulders Rafa has Liv in a tight embrace, breathing her in.

He mumbles into her hair, "my last night as a free man, what do you think mi amor? Is this a good way to spend it?"

Laughing at him, which ends up more as puffs of hot breath into Raf's chest, Liv swats at his side but keeps her hand at his ribs, where it lands. The way she has been pulled into the hug has Olivia at height disadvantage so she has to crane her neck to look up at Rafael.

"Let me think, having a nice family dinner, putting our son to bed, and being so close to an equally impending _trapped_ woman? I'd say you've done pretty well for yourself there Rafa." Olivia makes sure her voice is laced in sarcasm as she says trapped, not wanting even the slightest implication that she actually feels like she will be 'trapped' with him.

Pecking a quick kiss to her lips Rafa release his hold of Liv's shoulders, "I think you're right."

A smooth, almost, purring noise is Liv's only answering, enjoying it when Rafael admits she is right, which she feels she often is. They are both too stubborn to actually admit when the other is right most of the time so she will take what she can get. The couple passes the next few hours with ease. They talk, watch a film, and enjoy each other's company, excited to finally be so near to getting married.

Noah wakes rather early on Sunday, as if it's Christmas day. Opening the door to his parent's bedroom Noah climbs onto the mattress and crawls his way up the middle of the bed to sit near each of their heads.

"¡Buenos días!" Noah announces his arrival into their bed rather loudly.

Startled both Olivia and Rafael jolt awake. Liv clutches her chest in response to the frightening wake up, while Rafa groans and turns away, always wanting five more minutes he peaks at the clock.

Frowning he rolls onto his back, addressing Noah, "mi alma, volver a dormir. Es muy temprano." Raf's voice is deep and gravelly with sleep. ( _my soul, go back to sleep. It's too early._ )

Disappointed that his parents aren't sharing his level excitement Noah starts, "pero Papí…" in a bit of a whining tone.

Before he can go on Rafael has an arm wrapped around him, pulling him beneath the duvet and into his body. Noah seems to react automatically, snuggling his face further into Rafael's chest. This attempt for peace doesn't dissuade Noah from his task for long though.

Into Rafael's chest Noah starts again, "Papí," a yawn interrupts him and Rafael grins into his pillow, "hoy es muy importante. ¿Cómo puedes dormir?" ( _Daddy, today is too important. How can you sleep?_ )

For the enjoyment of his bedmates, and in an attempt to end the conversation Rafa simply tells him, "con mis ojos cerrado." ( _With my eyes closed._ )

It gets a giggle from both Liv and Noah, and nothing more. They sleep for another hour and a half, or so, before Noah can stand it no longer and demands they wake up to start the day. Liv and Rafael throw together some eggs, toast, and fruit for all of them to enjoy. Each eats enough to fill them for most of the day because it will be awhile until their next meal, at which point they will be married. Finally, Noah points out with relief.

At lunchtime they are all in their formal wear and too excited to eat much. The botanical garden has left food to snack on in both the bride and groom's dressing areas. Noah has to be monitored closely around the food, they don't want chocolate, or anything really, smeared all over him before the ceremony even starts.

Each wedding party has four to a side. The bridal party contains Amanda, Lucy, Brandi, and, after a big guilt trip, some threatening, and pleading, Fin. The grooms side is made of Noah, Eddy, Carisi, and Rita. They really weren't keen on sticking to every tradition surrounding the event. Everyone in the party wore either a tux with black accessories, or a strapless dress. The dresses flattered each woman's figure nicely, with a sweetheart neckline, an a-line flared waist, and a hi-low cutoff all the women, on either side of the aisle, look graceful and beautiful.

As the ceremony is set to begin, and all the guests are seated Rafael was meant to be led along the aisle, holding hands with Noah. The young man was excited at the prospect of doing this with his dad. He had jumped at the chance when Rafael had asked him about it, but now, standing at the entrance to the ceremony hall, Noah sees all the people gathered and looks up to his father. There is a fleeting look of terror in Noah's eyes before his bottom lip is pushed outward. Rafa knows once things get started Noah will be fine and so takes pity on the boy by pulling him up into his arms and they make their way to the front of the room holding each other. The gathered crowd gives a big 'awww' and Noah turns to hide his face in Rafael's neck.

Rafael's tux matches the others up until his bow tie, which is a plum color with a single pink peony nestled, almost hidden, in the centerfold of the bow, his suspenders match the tie but with repeating peonies dotted all the way down, all the other men's ties and suspenders are solid black. His pocket square is the other bit of color that Rafael wears, a simple and solid plum folded into three precise triangles that peek out, Noah also wears his pocket square in this color while all the other men have white.

It doesn't take long to be told the bride is ready to make her own entrance so Rafa sets Noah on the floor again and tells him to go with Sonny so he can help walk Lucy to the front of the room, just like they practiced.

Amanda and Carisi make their way, arm-in-arm, up the aisle first and are followed by Lucy and Noah, Eddy and Brandi, and finally Rita and Fin. The latter seeming like they got mixed up and are standing on the wrong sides, until they go confidently to their assigned party. The groups shuffle themselves around so they are in the correct order and the bridal march begins.

Lucia and Olivia step through the doorway, decorated with an archway of peonies and baby's breath matching to the ones held in Olivia's bouquet, although Liv's are real and the others fake for decoration. All eyes are them and Lucia has already begun to cry. The mother of the groom is adorned in a flowy dark grey, almost silvery, jumpsuit, draped over her body comfortably, with a short-sleeve lace jacket to top it all off.

The bride looks magnificent in her gown. It is sleeveless with a plunging v-neck, in multi-layered tulle. There is a silk belt around her waist, cinching the fabric and giving her shape the perfect curves. Around the v of the neckline are floral lace appliques to allow for more coverage, some flowers are centered around small shining gems. Liv wears her hair up, away from her neck, in a stylishly messy bun pulling her hair to her nape, pinned there with baby's breath.

Rafael is in awe of his bride. In fact, he's unsure if he is even still breathing. The only way Rafa can tell he hasn't died and gone to heaven is the tremendous beating of his heart, hammering away inside his chest. His Olivia is stunning.

Lucia is dropping Olivia's hand into Rafael's before he has even realized they had started their way towards him. On autopilot Rafael takes her offered hand, still taking in the sight of Olivia, as _his bride_. He is struck dumb by all of it.

Olivia brings her other hand up to his chest to rest over his heart, "you look beautiful Rafael."

Everything catches up with him at her words. All his thoughts, feelings, sensations, and awareness return in full force. Still Rafael focuses on her.

Her words are finally processed by his now working brain and all he manages back is a squeaked out, "me?" With a hand indicating himself and a deep blush coloring his cheeks.

Blinking rapidly to hold off her tears Liv chuckles at him, "yeah, you baby."

She slides her hand from his chest to his face to swipe at an escaped tear. Liv thinks of how much she loves him wearing his glasses, but without them, as he is now, she can see unhindered to his soul. It is as beautiful as Rafael is, in her mind anyway. The full beard on his face tickles Liv's palm and she pulls away and takes his other hand in hers.

There is sudden awareness between Liv and Raf that they are the center of attention and people are laughing and crying alongside them. Especially at seeing a flustered Rafael Barba. A rare sight indeed.

Clearing his throat Raf clenches his fingers around Liv's quickly before leaning in to tell her, "you are more stunning than the goddess Aphrodite."

The sincerity behind his words is what causes the first of Liv's tears to trickle down her cheeks.

A traditional ceremony follows, with them repeating the vows, opting out of writing their own. Partially to spare their guests and partially because they were a little afraid of just how mushy they might get, there are reputations that must be kept after all.

With wedding bands and "I dos" Rafael and Olivia find themselves a married couple.

The officiant addresses the gathered friends and family, "I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Benson-Barba!"

The guests are ushered to the observatory for a cocktail hour while they await the full reception to begin. The wedding party steps out for a nearly exhausting amount of photos to document the day. Both Liv and Rafa seem unaffected by the work of the photoshoot, all too happy to oblige and encapsulate this day in crystal clear digital photos. Their smiles never once falter. All but the bride and groom are released from the custody of the photographer as she wants to have some shots of the two of them enjoying each other, with no pressure from anyone else. Except her, of course, but she does her best to fade into the background after positioning things.

Jocelyn, the photographer, loves this work. She truly enjoys seeing the might of the love people can have for one another. Olivia and Rafael's love is bright and warm and it comes through well in each picture. Jocelyn's favorite from the day ends up being a private moment in between her moving them around, Rafa standing on a stone, raising him to be a few inches taller than Olivia, and Liv facing him, head reaching his shoulders. He had bent down to whisper something and as he pulled back Jocelyn was able to snap a photo of Rafa dropping a kiss to the tip of Liv's nose while she closed her eyes in delight, giggling at him.

Finally the bride and groom make their way to the observatory to kick off the reception. Once they've made their entrance Rafa and Liv take to the dance floor, holding each other closely to enjoy their first dance together.

The events of the night pass in quick chunks in the happy couple's minds, slowing down for the really important bits. After dinner someone rings their fork against their glass and everyone quiets down. Glancing around Liv spots Lucia as the culprit, next to her Noah is standing up on his chair while Lucy is handing him a microphone. The boy has to hold the instrument with two hands to keep it upright.

Finding his mother and father at the front of the room Noah addresses them, "Tío Sonny me dijo tengo que dar un discurso." Liv and Rafa can tell he is nervous because he is speaking Spanish, hoping people won't understand. ( _Uncle Sonny told me I have to make a speech._ )

The newlyweds move to comfort Noah and are quickly motioned back down. Sonny leans into Noah to whisper something, which Noah laughs at, seeming to gain his confidence.

This time when Noah speaks it is in English, "he said it should be silly things that Papí has done, and maybe a really nice thing too." He looks over to Sonny who winks at him, "I think he was joking but I thought of some stories to tell. Like the first time he held me, Momma told me this, she says I was too little to remember. The first time he held me he acted like I was going explode spaghetti sauce all over him!" The guests laugh at the image.

Noah beams at the response, "or one time Momma was at work and we tried to bake her brownies for when she got home but Papí spilled all the batter so it was all over the kitchen! And us!" Noah's laugh is infectious and the group joins in his enjoyment of the tail, Rafael probably the most heartily.

"But my favorite silly memory of Daddy is when we out to eat with Momma and Abuelita to a nice restaurant and Daddy accidentally burped real loud. Abuelita started talking in Spanish so fast I couldn't understand it but me and Momma were laughing so much we started crying. I looked at Daddy and he gave me a sad face, like I do when I don't wanna go to bed, before he started laughing too. And he acted super silly when we got home later and pretended to burp again!" There is a round of applause for Noah's story telling, proud of the small boy for his best man speech.

Still not finished Noah's little voice continues squeaking through the speakers, "but my favorite memory about Papí is when he said he wanted to be my Dad. He always did stuff with me, just like my friend's Dad's did. He even told me to eat my vegetables," this draws a chuckle from everyone. "He said that he loved me and wanted to be my Daddy. And I think he is the best Daddy in the whole wide world!"

Noah twists to face Lucy, trying to distance himself from the microphone but, due to the length of his arms, he doesn't quite manage to ask, "am I allowed to give him a hug now?" Noah's features are schooled in to very earnest curiosity which morphs into joy when Lucy nods.

There is no stopping any and everyone from swooning at the question.

Hopping off the chair Noah runs his way over to Rafael who receives him with open arms. Raf lifts his son onto his lap and Noah holds tight to Rafael, little arms around his father's neck. Noah pulls away first, only to take Raf's face in his hands to bump their foreheads together. With tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips Rafael nudges Noah back before kissing his son's cheeks.

Amanda makes her speech just as short as Noah's, but it is hard to compete with a seven year old. She locks eyes with Liv, already crying, "sorry y'all I'm a sucker at weddings." Amanda fans her face before starting back up, "I won't take long, I know we all want to get on dancing.

"Olivia you are probably the toughest boss I have ever had, but I never learned so much from anyone else. If there was ever someone that could be a superhero in disguise my money is on it being you. You are Wonder Woman, seriously. And you changed this city with those superpowers of yours. My life is better with you in it and if the look on those two guys' faces is anything to go by," she says pointing to Rafa and Noah, "so are theirs. There is no one who deserves this kind of happiness more than you do and I am so glad I get to see you grab a hold of it. _Finally_!" She finishes on an excited shout. Then Amanda switches the mic off and sits back down so that things can continue on.

Liv leans back in her seat, fully expecting to relax as the dancing begins, and is brought to attention when Rafael stands without a word to walk to the dance floor, along with Lucy and Brandi.

Near to the dj's booth the trio takes their spots while Rafael also addresses the room, "I want to start off with a couple of conditions here." His stare is deadly serious as he continues, "first, I am only doing this because my lady," he shoots Liv a wink, "seems to like it, so don't get used to it, and certainly don't make requests. Second, if I find even a one second video of this has gotten outside of this room I will destroy you. My lawyer here can attest to that," Rita raises her glass with a hearty 'cheers' to back him up.

"With that in mind Lucy, Brandi, and I are going to be performing a musical number from _Rocky Horror_ , I played the part of Riff-Raff in college." Once he is done speaking Rafael hands his mic to Lucy so he can walk back to his table where he deposits his suit jacket, and the tie he unfurled on his journey over. Doing an about face he starts back toward Brandi and Lucy, lowering his suspenders to his sides as he does. Someone wolf-whistles at him, Raf doesn't acknowledge it.

Microphone in hand once more the three performers ready themselves to sing. The first notes of _Time Warp_ play into the room and soon Rafael, Lucy, and Brandi are all singing and dancing along to things.

"It's just a jump to the left

And a step to the right

With your hands on hips

Bring your knees in tight

But it's the pelvic thrust

That really drives you insane!

Let's do the Time Warp again!"

They do rather an eccentric version of the dance, inviting others to join them.

Upon finishing all three bow and return to their seats to catch their breath. The dj moves on to playing the next song as people trickle their way onto the dance floor.

Rafael plops down beside Olivia, who has sent Noah back to his seat for a moment. Panting he grins at her, fully aware that the fact he has done this has almost certainly turned Olivia on, a lot.

She brushes a kiss to his lips, barely pulling back her breath is warm against the moisture on his lips, "it _is_ the pelvic thrust that really drives me insane." Liv kisses him harder this time and Rafa groans into placing a hand at the bare skin of her back.

The party hits full swing with nearly all those in attendance taking to the dance floor. Jocelyn is long gone by now but phone cameras do the job well enough in her absence. Capturing the care-free joy of everyone as they dance, and talk, and drink. Someone produces flower crowns, no one is sure who, or where they came from. One crown lands on Fin's head and Sonny gets a decent picture of it adorning his head before Fin can even put a hand up to remove it.

Their crown, amongst the wedding party, becomes a bit of a party game, sneaking it onto people's heads without being noticed. It makes its way around the group to Olivia. She appreciates the idea of it but her hair already has flowers in it, so at her first opportunity she creeps up behind Rafa, kissing his neck to distract him from the crown being placed in his hair.

Astoundingly he doesn't notice and he Olivia continue dancing, bringing Noah into their routine whenever he runs up to them.

The little boy has discarded his jacket and button down shirt, running around in his white undershirt and suit pants. Leaping into his father's arms, he yells, "Daddy!"

"Hijo!" Rafael returns the sentiment with equal enthusiasm. Once Rafa catches Noah he does a quick spin around, causing Noah's head to hang back while laughing.

When they settle into each other Olivia walks over to them to join in the fun. She stops a step in front of Rafa placing a gentle hand on Noah's back. With the night running on they are all getting warm but they discomfort of their own warmth combined with the other's body heat is ignored in favor of being close to one another. Liv kisses the boys on their cheeks smiling into the happy faces.

Noah pulls Rafa's attention back his way with a hand on his cheek pushing his Dad's face to look at him again, "¿Papí?" Noah begins innocently, "¿Vas nos cantas otra canción?" Knowing his father's soft spots Noah leans into Rafael so their foreheads are touching and his big, pleading eyes are the center of Raf's attention. Once there he tacks on a little, "por favorcito," with a pouting lip for maximum persuasion. ( _Daddy? Will you sing us another song? Pretty please._ )

Rafael is helpless against his son making a request in Spanish, with good manners, and a puppy dog look, "para ti, cualquier cosa hijo." A quick finger to bop Noah's nose and then Rafael sets him down, "let's keep dancing for a little bit while I think of what to sing." ( _for you, anything._ )

Continuing to dance Rafael still hasn't noticed he is wearing the flower crown and no one is going to be pointing it out. The cha-cha slide comes on and all those on the dance floor obey the commands of the emcee, with Brandi and Lucy leading the group, knowing what is coming the best. Two songs later Rafael interrupts the music.

Mic back in hand Rafa says, "I know I said not to get used to this _or_ making requests but Noah is the only exception I will make to this rule. But for the rest of you the same rules apply; no requests or expectations. And absolutely no videos."

The dj finds the appropriate karaoke version of Rafael's song after some searching and starts it playing.

With a clear and boisterous voice Rafael bellows, "Barnum's the name, P.T. Barnum..." His act is just as enchanting as the last one. All the attributes of Phineas Barnum shining through Rafa as he sings, gestures, and dances to the words.

He finishes strong, "...and the biggest one, excluding none is," Rafa mimics the laugh that typically goes along with the song, "me!" Holding the note for several seconds Rafael finishes his show by pulling the microphone away from his mouth so his voice fades nicely with the music.

WIthout ceremony Rafael turns, hands the mic back to the dj, and walks to where his family stands. Before he reaches them however someone shouts out, "I love the crown!"

Alarmed Rafa's hands shoot to his head, finding the crown there. He plucks it from his hair and drops it on Noah's head when he is back by his family.

They dance until Noah has no energy left and Lucia whisks him away. Most guests continue drinking and dancing, leaving the dance floor for intervals of rest. It is well into the night when the celebration really begins to dwindle and the happy couple takes their leave. The whole beginning of the reception had been spent greeting and thanking each of their guests so they feel justified leaving with a quick and dirty French goodbye.

Once outside Rafa and Liv dash away to their car to make their way home, as quick as they can.

In the car Liv turns to Rafa where he sits in the driver's seat, "I'm kinda jealous of Noah and Lucia, they didn't have to go very far at all."

"You are very adorable when you pout mi amor." Rafa drops a kiss to her lips and then starts the car, taking them home.

The journey home is quick enough. Before they know it they are back at their apartment building and in the elevator. At the door Rafa lets Liv unlock to let them in and then surprises her by sweeping his bride into his arms and carrying her over the threshold. He kicking the door shut behind them.

After a fiery kiss Rafa says, in an awed tone, "bienvenido a casa mi esposa." He kisses her again while setting her back to her feet. ( _welcome home my wife._ )

Liv places her hands lightly on either side of Rafa's neck, one thumb running along the column of this throat, "te amo mi esposo." ( _I love you my husband._ )

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for sticking with me through this all so far!

A shorter chapter to follow!

xx


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Hey! So, this took WAY LONGER to produce than intended and I'm sorry about that. Depression has been getting me down pretty hard lately and sucks the will to do just about anything right out of me. It was a total struggle to write this and I hope it is up to par, not sure if I can really tell... This is more of a transition chapter than anything else. See you at the end of the chapter my loves.

* * *

Waking up Olivia is aware only of the ache she feels between her legs, both from the vigorous activities she and Rafa engaged in after returning home and from the need she still feels for him. There is a haze hanging over Liv's consciousness, due to small amount of booze that remained in her when she and Rafael finally fell asleep last night, or, more accurately, this morning, but she is able to feel the weight of the hair still piled on her head, pins still in place. There is a groan that sounds through the room and Olivia isn't sure if she has emitted the noise or if it had been Rafa.

As she is laying on her belly Olivia decides to take the easy route and merely slides her head along the pillow to now face Rafael. Taking in his appearance Liv tries to imagine how they must appear as a whole. She supposes the pair of them look quite thoroughly shagged. The thought makes Olivia laugh which, in turn, causes Rafael to drag away the arm that had been flung over his eyes and the reactionary smile crosses his features immediately.

Today they plan to simply enjoy each other, and think of nothing but themselves. Taking a vacation from reality and hiding away in their own world, just the two of them. As they lay naked under the covers both Rafael and Olivia take in one another, looking over at their spouse.

When Rafael breaks the silence it is a deep raspy voice that leaves him. Sleep and over use dragging the tenor of usual voice down an octave or two, "mi esposa, can you believe it?" There is a level of awe in his tone that Olivia knows is reflected in her features, "we did it! We are officially stuck with each other forever!"

Sighing Liv drags her body over to Rafa's to prop her torso over his, with a wide smile after she is comfortably draped on top of Rafa Liv replies, "I know, isn't it great?"

Cupping a hand to her cheek Rafa's smile matches Liv's "the best."

Following another session of love making that is slow and sweet and perfect Liv and Rafa finally drag themselves out of bed and into the shower. There they manage to keep from fooling around, instead helping each other wash. It is refreshing ridding their bodies of the salty layer of sweat that had clung to them. By the time they dress themselves it is nearly lunchtime.

Together the newly weds decide to reacquaint themselves to the real world and ring Lucia so that they can meet up for lunch with her and Noah.

An hour later Rafa and Liv and winding their way through a cluster of tables at a deli nearby to Central Park. Noah and Lucia will be arriving shortly. In the meantime the couple drops into the two seats beside each other on one side of the table, clasping hands together Liv rests her head on Rafa's shoulder closing her eyes. The pure contentment each of them feels is unfamiliar but not unwelcome.

They don't have to wait long before they hear the excited chatter of their seven year old bursting through the doorway, "hola Mami y Papi! Te extrañé." ( _hi Mommy and Daddy! I missed you._ )

Noah isn't even at the table when he begins speaking and both Olivia and Rafael shake their heads laughing at their sons antics. There is always some part of Rafa that feels a swell of pride and belonging whenever Noah speaks Spanish and it returns full force even now, after only being apart mere hours.

"Nosotros también te extrañamos mijo, ven dame un abrazo." Rafael keeps his voice at a polite decibel and welcomes his son with open arms. ( _We missed you too son, come give me a hug._ )

He takes a moment to enjoy the warmth of his son in his arms, to enjoy the love he feels for the boy and from him. It is one of the greatest things he has ever known.

Turning his nose into Noah's curls Rafa puts words to his feelings, "te amo mi alma, para siempre jamás." Raf squeezes extra tight for just a moment before letting Noah go. ( _I love you my soul, forever and ever._ )

Meanwhile Liv stands to greet Lucia and is surprised when, instead of a hug, she gets the older woman's scarf wrapped around her neck and a knowing look sent her way. As Olivia blinks, slightly paralysed by the action Lucia finally pulls her into an embrace laughing lightly into the younger woman's ear. Returning then releasing the hug Liv plops back down into her chair.

Noah kisses his mother on the cheek before rushing around and wiggling his way into a seat beside Abuelita. Rafa sends a questioning glance at Liv who isn't sure how exactly to respond other than flicking her gaze over to Lucia and back.

The exchange prompts Lucia to lightly scold her son, "más autocontrol la próxima Rafi," she tells him sternly. ( _more self-control next time Rafi._ )

Rafael goes entirely red at the scolding and Olivia and Lucia both giggle at his expense, though Olivia is still blushing from having the scarf put in place anyway. There is the distinct feeling of wonderment exuding from both Liv and Rafa that creeps its way into Noah and Lucia's hearts and subsequently drips out of them too.

Everything is light and easy for the family of four, they talk, and laugh, and joke. Even going so far as to letting Noah play with his food a bit, there is a pickle mustache that results from these more lacks rules.

Lucia pulls out her phone to show the newlyweds some shots she took of them the day before. It feels silly how crazy in love with one another they are, each frozen moment reflects the emotions well. Lucia isn't sure she has ever seen her son quite so happy. Not when he got accepted, full ride, into Harvard. Not when he became and ADA. Not when he got the transfer to Manhattan. No this happiness is something that he has never let out before, it is precious and rare and Lucia revels in the gift of seeing it first hand.

Liv and Raf barely move away from each other, still in their fantasy land, they constantly hold hands or at least rest some part of their bodies against each other. They are lovesick and not ashamed. There is a letter written and ready to be left for its recipients in Olivia's purse that will break up some of the cloud nine experience that is happening but it won't get her down for too long. She thinks this is the best way to do what needs to be done, for her own mental health.

She and Rafael will deliver it after they part ways with Lucia and Noah. Which should be any minute, though Noah had been taken home earlier than most of the guests he was still up quiet late and on a sugar high. The excitement of these past 24 hours is wearing on him and the adults can see the boy fighting to stay alert.

"Mijo, mirame. Abuelita va a tomar a su casa. Quiero que cojas una siesta para que no pongo de mal humor. Recuerda, voy a subirme en un avión mañana." Rafael says to Noah while slouching down in his seat to meet the boys eyes. ( _Son, look at me. Abuelita is going to take you to her house. I want you to take a nap so you're not grouchy. Remember, we are going on a plane tomorrow._ )

As a testament to how tired he is Noah doesn't even appear to want to argue this request, "Sí Papi, recuerdo, vamos a Costa Rica." The sentence does put a smile on Noah's face. ( _Yes Daddy, I remember, we are going to Costa Rica._ )

Though her Spanish has improved since she began dating Rafael she hasn't had the benefit of lessons with Lucia Barba so Olivia hasn't followed the exchange entirely, she knows enough to pick up the gist of what is happening and smiles at the easy way her boys interact. Content to stare at them Liv lets a goofy, happy grin take up residence on her face and feels her hand covered by Lucia's. Looking to the woman who has become like a mother to her Liv sees exactly her emotions reflected in Lucia's eyes.

"I always dreamed of having this, thank you Olivia, for everything." Lucia clasps Liv's hand between both her own patting the back of it gently before sliding her hands gently away.

After parting ways Rafa and Liv drive over to the 16th precinct for a quick errand. When they pull up to the building Raf cuts the engine and turns to Liv to take her in, expecting a sadness to be shrouding her but instead he finds that she looks serene. After a moment of Rafa taking in Liv's profile she turns to him, meeting his gaze and smiles.

Rafa checks in with her anyway, "want me to go in with you?"

Liv shakes her head lightly and pulls the letter from her purse, leaving her other belongings in the seat beside her, "no, thank you. I'll just be a moment."

She leans in toward Rafa, caressing his cheek in one hand, and kisses him. It is her way of letting him know that she is okay. She is ready to do this, and she can do it herself. After a chaste kiss Liv turns and lets herself out of the car. Rafa lets her go somewhat reluctantly, knowing the utter importance of this moment.

Climbing the stairs slowly Olivia follows a well worn path she has used for 20 years now, and makes her way to the SVU squad room. Liv allows herself a moment to reflect on how much has changed in her time here; everything, everything has changed since she first stepped through the doors of the precinct. But Liv knows that the changes, no matter how unpleasant, have made things better, allowed all the detectives here to be better. Herself included. She is proud of what she has done with SVU and the impact she has had in the unit, the force, the city, and beyond. Rafael is proud of her, he is often in awe of her and what she is able to do and it never fails to make Liv feel whole.

Stealing a strip of tape from the desk closest to her Olivia tapes the letter to what is no longer her office door. The plain white envelope seems innocuous and is very simply address to: Fin, Manda, and Sonny.

Running her fingers over the smooth paper surface Liv sighs and turns her back to the door and leaves it behind, ready to move on from this building. She knows it's the job she is leaving behind and not the accomplishments, the friends, the knowledge, the experience she has gained within its walls. Teaching will do her good, Liv knows this, she will see college students in their prime, not just the ones going through a most horrific experience.

Letting herself back into the passenger side of their car Liv takes Rafa's hand and smiles at him, the expression is steady and genuine. It gives Rafael confidence that this next step is going to be for the best. Raf kisses Liv before starting the car and winding his way to their apartment. He wants her again, he always wants her to be totally honest. When they are home they make love and lay in each other's arms with sweat slicked skin and bask in the bliss of their connection. Later they will check that they have everything necessary and ready to go for their trip tomorrow, but now they keep close, exchanging kisses and sweet words of affection.

"I love you so much Rafael," Liv's lips are at his neck and the vibrations of her words make Rafa squirm and giggle, while also filling him with such elation.

Rearranging their bodies so his lips are at Olivia's left breast, as close as he can estimate to where her heart lies beneath, Rafael presses a series of kisses on Liv's skin before returning her feelings, "te amo Olivia, nunca dejaré de quererte." ( _I love you Olivia, I will never stop loving you._ )

The squad had taken Monday off to recover from the Sunday wedding they all attended, and it was a smart move on their part. Fin sent a text to both Sonny and Amanda complaining about his age and the correlation of hangover pains, neither of them were faring much better. Sonny slept until noon, waking up with the driest mouth and skin he had ever experienced and Amanda was sore all over. Heels, dancing, alcohol, and aging do not mix well. Getting some coffee and food into their bodies helped greatly and each made it through the day with relative ease.

Amanda recovered the best overall and didn't have a problem making into work the next day. She was the first of the trio to arrive, the first of them to see the envelope taped to the glass of Liv's office door.

It is with caution Amanda pulls the letter from its resting place, recognizing Liv's handwriting easily. The feeling in her gut is what slows her down, why would she leave them a letter, they could get by with her gone for ten days, Fin would take temporary control until her return.

Pulling the contents out Amanda sinks back into her seat and reads:

 _Fin, Amanda, Sonny,_

 _I'm sorry to do things this way, I just know that it is the best option for me, the cleanest cut. My last days as an officer of the NYPD have come and gone, just like any other day. I knew if I were to have told you all what I was planning then there would be some sort of celebration, a retirement party, and I can't handle that. This place means so much to me but leaving just as quietly as I entered feels right to me. I want each of you to know that it is not you I am leaving, only the uniform. I know the hours are crazy and unpredictable but I'll be waiting at a moment's notice to see you, when you can make the time._

 _Maybe you would even consider a guest lecture in my class? It's going to be weird to be teaching these kids instead of reprimanding and investigating them, but I'm sure I'll adjust. Just as I am sure you all will adjust in my absence._

 _It has been both an honor and a pleasure working with each of you. You are all good detectives and great people. Take care of yourselves, I'll know if you don't and I will come after you. Don't forget I still remember all my training. Find happiness away from this place, don't be afraid to take some for yourself. I was scared for so long and almost missed my chance at it. Learn from my mistakes, and your own, and live better lives._

 _Leave here if you have to, there is nothing wrong in that. The job is important but it isn't easy, and we have to trust others to be able to step in for us and take over. The world isn't as dark as it may seem, there is good out there._

 _Love and marriage may have softened me up a bit, try it out, it feels pretty damn fantastic!_

 _Remember I'm still a phone call or text away. I'll always answer._

 _With all my love and faith,_

 _Liv_

Through the course of reading both Sonny and Fin are now in their seats, looking at Amanda curiously as she reads on. Upon noticing their presence she holds up the paper to explain, "I found this on Liv's door this morning, it's from her." Shrugging Amanda swipes at her eyes quickly, "it's for all of us. I'll read it out so we can all hear it together."

A feeling a shock settles over the trio by the close of the letter. No one really knows what to say, how to react. Dodds comes in soon after they finish, as if on cue.

"Is it safe to assume you've read the letter she left then?" he asks quietly, gently, knowing the magnitude of what they are now having to deal with.

Numbingly Fin nods, "yeah, you get one too?"

Dodds shakes his head, "no, didn't need one. She planned it this way and I had to keep my mouth shut. I've coordinated with Brooklyn SVU to lend a hand while we figure out who needs to come onto the team here."

His shoulders shrug rather uselessly before he goes into the vacant office and sets himself up at the coffee table located there. Dodds seems somewhat shocked by the reality of things too, not using the desk he still views as Lieutenant Benson's, it has an owner and he is not it.

Things change, they move forward, or sideways, upside down, and sometimes backward. All we can ever hope for is that things change for the best.

* * *

A/N: That was the best way I could settle on for things to shake out. Something small and quiet, I feel like that's Liv's style. I don't know when I will have the next chapter but it will include scenes from Costa Rica and the start of the fall semester I think. Some Brandi and Lucy too, I hope. Please let me know what you think! Or if you have any requests, about this story or the pairing in general!

xx


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Just a little bit of nothing to feed you guys, and to get my writing juices flowing!

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Both the flight and checking into their hotel had been gloriously easy affairs and Rafa prayed that meant the rest of the trip would follow along this same pattern. By the time things are all settled for the family it is mid afternoon and they make their way to the beach just footsteps from their door.

It is _a villa_ that they have for their week in Costa Rica, it has its own kitchen and two separate bedrooms on opposite sides of the residence which gave Rafa and Liv a feeling of more comfort when booking the place. Lucia assured them that she didn't mind sharing the room with Noah, especially considering the two beds.

Leaving unpacking until later the family don their bathing suits and any cover ups they want to bring with them and wander to the beach. Olivia is wearing a light cotton dress while Rafa is wearing a nearly see-through white linen shirt. Noah has forgone wearing anything other than his swim trunks, eager to get into the ocean. Lucia has only her conservative one piece suit with shorts on as they stroll down the path to the beach.

The moment his toes meet the sand Noah is ready to submerge himself in the beautiful blue ocean stretched out before him. Rafael's hand on the boy's shoulder stops him from racing ahead.

"Un momento hijo, you need to put sunscreen on before you have a chance to burn." Rafa says while he takes in Noah's pale skin, already worried about the poor boy getting a sunburn.

Olivia reaches into the tote bag on her shoulder pulling some spray sunscreen out and handing it off to Rafael. The beach is peppered with lounge chairs and canopied areas for shade. The family finds a spot that fits their needs and drops their belongings into the sand.

Rafael sets about spraying Noah's fair skin to protect him from the sun. Each spray Rafael lathers a liberal amount onto the soft white skin of his son, following every spray the slightly nervous father rubs the fluid into his son's skin to ensure it settles in to work properly.

Once the boy's entire body is slathered in the slippery substance Rafa releases him.

By this point Noah is squirming in desperation to get into the water, "Papi, _por favor_ ," he whines, "quiero ir al océano! ¡Ahora!" ( _Daddy, please, I want to go to the ocean! Now!_ )

A chuckle slips from Rafa's lips as he concedes, "Sí hijo, lo se. Espera un momento más, por favor, mientras me preparo." His gaze flicks to Olivia's for only a second, sharing a commiserating glance. ( _Yes son, I know. Just wait one more minute, please, while I get ready._ )

Quickly Rafael pulls his shirt from his body and rushes to lather on sunscreen on his own skin. His efforts are fast enough for a very impatient Noah who seems relieved once his Rafa holds a hand out to him inviting the boy to pull his father down the beach and into the water. As the boys make their way to the ocean Lucia sits gracefully down into one of the loungers, pulling a book from her own bag. The older woman seems perfectly content to continue on as she is but Olivia finds herself shifting uncomfortably beside her.

Upon noticing Liv's discomfort Lucia dog ears her place and looks over the lens of her sunglasses, peeking at her daughter-in-law, "que pasa pequeña?" ( _what's up baby girl?_ )

The easy way Lucia has accepted her and her son in her life so far allows Olivia the confidence to explain her hesitance, fingering the hem of her cover-up Liv starts, "it's just - I have a lot of scars. It sometimes bothers people to see them, and most people haven't anyway. Rafa has seen it all, and Noah doesn't notice but other than that I've been too afraid to, umm, to-

"And I guess I didn't, wasn't, thinking about them when we planned this."

Her words are cut short when Lucia tugs on the young woman's hand, unbalancing her and pulling her to sit in the same chair. Regarding Olivia Lucia sees all she needs to work out just what Liv might be feeling but she hones in onto the looking of longing on the younger woman's features.

Lucia knows some of Liv's past but not much, enough though, "ay mija, I know you've seen some very ugly things in your life. You are beautiful chiquita, you are mi familia and I love you. Don't be shy around me, I have my own scars from my own ugly past. But look at what we have now," Lucia nods in the direction of Noah and Rafa, "let us focus on that, sí?"

Billowing out a hefty breath that she held in Liv nods, biting her lip. At this Lucia lovingly places a kiss to Liv's temple before patting her cheek and moving back to her book, signalling the end of the discussion. With a light laugh Olivia stands again, removes her dress and arranges herself onto another lounger out in the sun.

Instead of keeping her mind occupied with a book, or anything, Liv decides to allow her eyelids to slip closed. She isn't sure how long she lays on the seat overall but the front of her body melts with the warmth of the sun and her skin heats through she turns over to bathe the back of her body in the sun's rays. It is when she is positioned like this that the boys make their way back to the small encampment the family has claimed.

Noah's hunger has caught up to him so he and Rafael snag the towels waiting for them and make their way to the bar sitting about 50 yards away. Returning with their food Lucia joins them in nourishing themselves for the first time since landing. Rafa had told Olivia they brought something for her and only received a grunt in acknowledgement.

Finishing the food Rafa notices that Liv has barely moved, having been too relaxed spread along her seat in the sunshine.

He lays a hand onto Liv's thigh and notices just how warm her skin is, "Livia, have you put your sunscreen on?" Rafa asks in her in his most paternal tone.

Still laying on her belly Liv's reply is mumbled into her own shoulder, "nope, need some color first."

Noah pipes in, "pero Mami! No quieres quemarte, Papi dice su peligrosa y que duela." ( _but Mommy! You don't want to burn, Daddy says it's dangerous and it hurts._ )

Olivia smiles at her son's tone, as though he is teaching her something new, but stubbornly shifts so her face is pressed to her other arm, away from them. Rafa won't let Olivia forget about his presence though. Placing his hand fully on her thigh he shakes Olivia knowing it will irritate her just enough into addressing him.

"Rafa, por favor, pare! M'fine." Liv whines while swatting at his hand with stunning inaccuracy.

"Uh-uh Liv, even us Cubans had to use some, you're not getting out of it." Rafael laughs at her, he also knows full-well his mother did not apply sun block but neither does she plan on staying out in it for much longer.

Not budging Rafa shakes his head at his wife's stubborn behavior before standing to tower over her, casting his shadow over her form. Shrugging his shoulders Rafael does the only thing his mind can come with up in its current state. He crawls over her and lays his body directly mimicking, exactly, Liv's posture.

His head covers Liv's, arms resting above her own, and the length of his body draped nicely along the length of hers. With Rafa's weight pressed into her Olivia starts to grumble. Noah and Lucia begin giggling beside them, not expecting this sort of behavior from grown, generally very serious, adults.

Attempting to maneuver her body so that she isn't pinned any longer Liv finds she is effectively trapped by her husband, "Rafa, please!" Her tone is a mixture of a whine and utter exasperation, in equal measure.

The man on top of her just chuckles in her ear, "Livia, please!" Rafa parrots back to her.

Accepting her situation fully Liv begins the negotiation process for her freedom, "what do I have to do to get you away from me?"

Lifting his head and looking to his mother and son he pretends to think about it, for their amusement, "use sunscreen," Rafael says definitively.

Huffing out a breath as best she can with his weight on her Liv agrees, "fine. _But_ you have to do it for me." There is a conniving smile stretched over her mouth, as if she is asking a hardship of him.

Instead of resisting Rafa pushes himself off of her to say, "parati mi esposa? Cualquier cosa." Before pulling himself completely away from Olivia Rafa places delicate kisses on each vertebrae he can reach until he is at the tie of her bathing suit. ( _for you my wife? Anything._ )

Rafael seats himself on the edge of the lounger and digs out the sunblock again mumbling about stubborn women being more difficult to negotiate with than seven year old little boys. Liv, who has shifted to be laying on her back again swats at Rafa for his murmuring.

Lucia discreetly slips her phone back into her shorts after taking some rather silly pictures of the couple. She takes a look to Noah who is enjoying the display and sipping on some tropical juice. She thinks that, even though they haven't been out too long, Noah is just so pale and they are in an area with much more direct sunlight she would like to get him out of it for a short while. Deciding to give Rafa and Liv some alone time she reaches out to Noah.

"Nieto, ven conmigo. Let's go to our room and give Lucy a call so she knows we got here safely, okay?" Lucia knows that speaking to his beloved nanny is sure to lure him away without complaint, and it does, Noah goes readily along with her. ( _come with me._ )

Husband and wife have a passing awareness of the two departing members of their group, so entwined are they with one another.

With a hand on his forearm Liv glides her hand up to Rafa's bicep, squeezing, "well get to it mi esposo, lather me up."

She opens her arms in a welcoming gesture for Rafa, wanting him to get to it. When Olivia drops her hands again she lets one slide along his flank to tuck her fingers into his shorts. Gently tugging on them she smirks and runs a finger where shorts and skin meet.

Watching Rafael's shiver at her touch Olivia chuckles darkly, "I can't wait to see how gorgeous your skin will be when you really start getting a tan going." Her teeth sink into her bottom lip at the thought. "And that cute ass of yours is going to be all white, I'm going to absolutely love seeing the contrast."

Laughing at her musings Rafa begins spraying and coating Liv's skin, "I love your mind mi sol, now I'm imagining peeling this off you later and having fun taking my time to trace your tan lines with my mouth."

As Rafa speaks he fingers the edge of Liv's bathing suit making a shiver run through her this time and leaving goosebumps behind.

"Oh Rafa, don't tease," Liv pouts, twisting in delight and desire and unable to truly do anything to relieve her feelings.

The comment goes largely ignored by Rafael who continues his task until every inch of skin is properly protected from the sun's harsh rays. Discarding the tube Rafa leans down over Olivia, chastely he kisses her lips leaving Olivia whimpering for more when he pulls away. But, Rafael has other ideas, shifting away from her mouth Rafael kisses a line down the column of her throat until he reached material.

Low and grumbly with lips still at her breastbone Rafa issues instructions, "turn over."

Dutifully Liv obeys the command, feeling a tightening pull at her center, once on her stomach Oliva can't hold in a whimper. She is restless at Rafa's teasing, and he has barely started touching her. Liv can't decide between squeezing her thighs together trying to apply pressure where she wants it, where she _needs_ it, or spreading them apart as far as can be considered appropriate.

Rafa, for his part, brushes hair off her neck and begins his journey once more. This time, instead of stopping when he finds the fabric of her suit with his lips, Rafa jumps to a cut-out at her side. Tracing his lips to mirror the edge of the fabric Rafael sees that Olivia's hands are curled into tight fists.

"What's the matter mi sol? You seem tense," a dark chuckle tickles her skin along with his words, and his beard, Liv might just go out of her mind.

There aren't many others on the beach at all, it is for those staying at the resort only, but Olivia still feels a thrill run through her knowing that they are being this bold out in the open, where anyone could see.

A moan is Rafael's only answer. He continues on with his mouth and adds to the torture by placing a hand on her leg. First her left calf, Rafa caresses the flesh under his fingers and palm while moving north to her thigh and ending the light touches where the curve Liv's ass begins to rise. Instead of detour to smooth over the globes of perfectly toned muscle Rafael lifts his hand free of her body, only momentarily. Bringing his hand down sharply it lands on the padding the muscle her ass provides her. Liv jumps with the sensation only to feel him take a handful of one cheek, his thumb sneaking under the fabric and feeling her flesh.

A shocked gasped, quickly followed by frustrated squirming, leaves Olivia's throat at the biting sting from where Rafael's hand had landed. Liv pushes her hips hard into the lounger underneath her.

"Please Rafa," pathetically whines Olivia.

At this Rafael takes his hand from her skin, knowing it will displease her, "talk to me, tell me what you need from me."

He has brought his face level to Olivia's and whispers his instructions into her ear, chilling her overheated body. God could this man turn her on, Liv turns so she can look him in the eye, his pupils are dilated and his breathing quickened as he plays with her, Rafa draws great pleasure in the pleasure he can give to Olivia.

Holding Rafael's gaze in a heated, powerful stare Olivia tells him exactly what she needs, "make me cum."

Growling Rafa lunges toward Liv, claiming her mouth in a fierce kiss. His teeth nip and nibble, focusing on her lower lip. And then his tongue is in her mouth and hers is gliding along it. They are lost in each other but Rafael hasn't forgotten himself, not quite yet anyway. Rafa's hand is vicious finding her heated center.

Not allowing Olivia any air, or break from their kiss, Rafael plays a wonderful tune on Olivia, not yet delving beneath her swimsuit. Finally, when the couple is straining against each other, spots of black clouding their vision they part lips and draw hard and long breaths. Liv isn't given much respite in her rest however, as Rafa pushes the fabric aside and his skin is finally, _finally_ , on her where Liv needs him most.

All the foreplay Raf has thrust upon her Liv doesn't need much attention before she is squeezing and spasming her internal muscles against Raf's fingers in pure ecstasy.

Moments later Liv blinks her vision clear and looks into Rafa's eyes once again, seeing the flush of his cheeks and his blown pupils she knows exactly how he feels, sure she looks much the same. Probably considerably more ruffled though.

On weak and shaky arms Liv sits up and threads her fingers through Rafael's and tugs so that he will follow her. Rafa stays in place though, Liv's eyes roam him and spot his bulging desire against his trunks and understand his hesitance.

Sinking her teeth into her lip Liv just tugs more firmly, "please baby, just walk close behind me. I want you inside of me." Her eyes flick to the ocean, revealing her plans to him.

Groaning Rafa rises, pressing into her body his mouth pulls at Olivia's earlobe before voicing his thoughts, "vieja, me vas a llevar a la tumba." ( _woman, you're going to be the death of me._ )

Starting her way to the water, and leading Rafael, Olivia's fingers tighten around Rafa's, "pero que estupendo!" Her reply is husky, and Liv is well aware of what she is doing to her husband. ( _but what a way to go!_ )

At the sound of his wife speaking Spanish Rafael adheres his body to Liv's and pushes her onward and into the water faster than she had been leading them. This is already their favorite vacation and they haven't been here a full day.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter I'm thinking will have snippets of what's happening with everyone in NYC. As well as some Costa Rican antics, obvi.

I would also like to take a moment to say thank you! (looking at you BJ, you're a hero to me and I love you) Everyone who reads my musings really gives me the push I need to keep going when I get too down on myself. You are all amazing to me, I wish I could say thanks directly to each of you.

xx


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Contents as promised! The squad and then the Barsons!

* * *

Amanda harrumphs for, probably, the sixth time this morning. Today is sunny. Today is beautiful and temperate. Today is a work day. Tomorrow, according to will be rainy. Tomorrow will be dreary and humid. Tomorrow is not a work day.

Fin rolls his eyes for what must be the sixth time this morning, "Manda would you stop staring out the window and get back to work, please?"

Carisi snorts at the plea from Fin, they both are well aware of the stubbornness that can be displayed by their blonde colleague. Today has been filled with paperwork and filing, and Dodds. The temporary commanding officer was fine the first few days after Liv's departure but has since turned into a nuisance to the squad. Though he has assured the detectives this is his only week filling in and they will have a new CO and detective next week.

Their first week without the constant figure of the unit that Liv had become was an arduous one but they've done it, so far. It's a warm tiring day and they all looked forward to winding down and relaxing tomorrow. It had been their hope to do so outside in the sunshine, but that doesn't seem likely anymore.

Carisi tries his best to still look on the bright side, "just think about it this way, we can just veg and hang tomorrow. Watch movies, eat nothing but junk, and not care about anything going on in the outside world. Then if we get really lucky we can meet the girls for a beach day on Sunday."

Amanda and Fin look at Sonny with guarded optimism in their eyes. Fate didn't usually look so kindly on them but maybe this time it might?

Frowning at the sand beneath her feet Brandi notices the scraps of trash littering the fine grains. Kicking a flip-flopped foot she pushes a cigarette butt from her view before turning to her companion.

With a heavy sigh Lucy drops her arms effectively ridding her body of all the things she had been carrying a moment before. From the corner of her eye she sees Brandi looking at her who then proceed to follow Lucy's lead.

"I can't help but imagining how much nicer the beaches must be in Costa Rica," the words are sticky with longing as they leave Lucy's mouth, she doesn't enjoy the jealousy she is feeling right now.

With her face turned up skyward Brandi moans her agreement, "ugh, I know! Liv and Rafael probably haven't had to remove a single discarded cigarette from their sight."

Brandi's head lolls to the side so she is looking at Lucy again. The two young women laugh at themselves before arranging their belongings. It is early still, just after 8:00 AM, but they were determined to find a nice spot on the beach. Their friends will be arriving later but Lucy and Brandi didn't mind setting up camp early.

At the moment Brandi has her hair piled into a messy bun on top of her head, the style shows darker roots of hair while her bun is fully blonde. She is wearing a very light tank top dress over a one-piece bathing suit. Her sunglasses have been pushed up, acting as a headband for the moment and she is wearing flip-flops, clutching an ice coffee in her hand.

Lucy has decided to tie her hair off in a fishtail braid off to the right side of her head, with a slouchy romper thrown over her two-piece. The sunglasses Lucy has worn still sit over her nose and she is wearing some slip-on birkenstocks on her feet, ice coffee in hand as well. Laughing as she realizes how they must look.

"Two millennials go to a beach, I think that would be the caption if a photo were taken of us right in this moment."

Brandi perks up at the comment and looks around at both herself and Lucy as well as what they have brought along with them, "oh my god! And I packed avocado too!"

Lucy posites one more thought, "millennials are killing the pool industry!"

Both women are bent in half giggling at themselves for a full minute before they are able to take another breath. The morning is still early for beach goers and Brandi and Lucy still feel a slight chill in the air from the previous night. Deciding to bide their time they settle onto towels switch on their bluetooth speaker and crack open the books they've brought along.

"Do you think we look lame reading the same book right next to each other?" Brandi asks when she takes her eyes off the page to take a sip of water.

"It's for a book club!" Brandi just blinks at her, "would it be better if I just read out loud to you?" Lucy is still reading but can devote a fraction of her concentration to poke fun at her companion.

"You are the worst!"

Instead of going back to reading Brandi stands to remove her dress revealing a black one-piece bathing suit with the word _Barbie_ scrawled across it. Kicking off her sandals too Brandi pulls her hair out of its bun and shakes it out. Lucy, meanwhile, has been distracted by the actions and looks over to Brandi. It's then that she notices scarring on the outside of her thighs. Without conscious thought Lucy lifts a hand and ghosts her fingers over the many white lines marring the other woman's skin.

Not averting her gaze from the ocean Brandi says simply, "they're old. From undergrad. I haven't cut myself in a long time."

With her final words Brandi turns and shares a soft smile with Lucy before stepping away, "I'm going to test out the water, see if I can get over how cold the water is going to be."

Tempted to inquire further into Brandi's scar, but as Lucy opens her mouth only for her phone to ring, "hello?"

" _Hey Luce, we are here where did you girls settle down?"_ Amanda's southern lilt is always soothing in Lucy's ears and she instantly relaxes at the sound of it.

After explaining to Amanda how to navigate to the location she and Brandi had picked Lucy keeps an eye out for the incoming group. She spots Sonny carrying a rambunctious Jessie in his arms first. Quickly the squad come to add to the set-up Lucy and Brandi have created.

Fin makes it to the spot first, "hi baby girl, how are you?" He leans and pulls Lucy into a strong, firm hug that always instills a sense of fatherly love into the woman.

Into his shoulder Lucy tells Fin, "I'm good, happy to be on the beach instead of inside wishing it wasn't raining."

As they release each other Fin shakes his head laughing, "sound like Amanda over there."

Everyone settles in for the day and Brandi marches back up the beach with dripping wet hair and smiles taking in the sight of the rag-tag group she has begun to think of as a family. They all greet her warmly as she winds through all the things strew about over to where her towel is laying beside Lucy's.

Sonny is as jovial as always, "yo Brandi! Did you freeze your ass off in that water or is it safe to go in?"

Sliding her sunglasses back onto her face Brandi shakes out her hair before pulling back into a bun, shoots a glare at him, that he can't see, "watch your mouth sir, there are small ears around." She is smiling too so Sonny doesn't take it personally, "but yeah, you're good to go in, just don't take forever to go under and torture yourself."

Pumping his fist Sonny locates Jessie with his gaze, "Jess you wanna go for a swim with me?"

The group spends the day together splashing and swimming in the ocean, building sandcastles, burying Sonny in mountains of sand, eating, tanning, relaxing, and taking pictures. At one point Fin generously offers to ask someone to take a group picture of all of them, much to everyone else's surprise.

After the group photo is taken Fin reveals his less than sentimental reasons behind getting the photo, "Imma send this to Liv, make her jealous."

Amanda may have thrown a few cold french fries at his face when he tells them this, she won't admit to it. They make plans to disperse and clean up, change clothes and get dinner at this quiet patio bar in mid-town.

"Papi come se dice sloth en español?" Noah's excited voice asks from the back seat of the rental car the family acquired for the week. ( _Daddy how do you say_ sloth _in Spanish?_ )

Chuckling at how eager his son is Rafael feeds him the requested information, "perezoso."

"¿Son suaves?" Noah inquires generally. ( _are they soft?_ )

Liv, who is thumbing through a pamphlet handles this question, "not really baby, they have kind of coarse hair. The baby ones might be softer though, maybe there will be some babies there that we will get to see."

The moment Rafael told Noah they would be going to a sloth sanctuary today their son has been full of questions. But both Liv and Raf are happy to see Noah so eager to learn it would be impossible to get annoyed at the never-ending rambling coming from him.

Deciding she has no interest in sloths Lucia has stayed behind to stay on the beach or go into to town. She is hoping to make dinner for them tonight.

It isn't long before the three of them arrive at the sanctuary. Rafael easily navigates the transaction for entering, though everyone they have encountered on the island has been exceedingly nice and receptive to the non-natives they have found speaking Spanish has been the easiest routes to take. Taking Noah's hands on either side of him Liv and Raf lead him into the building that houses Noah's new favorite creatures.

"Mami do perezosos make noises?" Noah cranes his neck to look at Olivia while he waits for the answer.

Pushing her bottom lip out in thought Liv takes a short moment before shrugging, "I'm not sure, I guess we will find out soon."

"Hijo, do you remember what the different kinds of sloths are?" Rafa asks to keep the boy's mind occupied while they make their way to their final destination.

Jumping up and down and still managing to move forward Noah nods frantically, "yup! There are two-toed sloths and three-toed sloths!"

Just as excited as his son Rafa's face shines with pride, "that's right sweetheart, you're such a great learner. You'll make a great attorney someday."

Rafael struggled with the idea of whether he wanted Noah to follow a similar path to him or not but in the end listened to the warmth radiating in his chest at the idea of his son _wanting_ to do so. And if Rafael nudged him gently toward that path, well, that was okay too.

Liv's eyebrow arches dangerously, "an _attorney_? I don't think so mi amor, maybe a police lieutenant. But not a lawyer, they're too stuffy."

She knows it will get a rise out of Rafael but is surprised when it also seems to provoke a reaction from Noah as well.

"¡Mami!" He chides, then leans into her leg, attempting to whisper, "Papi is a lawyer."

The sincerity with which he tells her melts Olivia's heart. Rafael and Noah are now both imploring her with big doe-eyed gazes she nearly feels bad for her teasing. Then they giggle and the spell is broken.

Pretending to coneed Rafa says, "fine Noah, mi corazón, mi vida, mi alma, you can be anything you want when you grow up." He sends a haughty look Liv's way just before he leans into Noah and stage whispers, "as long as you want to be a lawyer like me." ( _my heart, my life, my soul_ )

His antics have Olivia rolling her eyes and Noah cackling between them. Rafael will do anything to make his family happy and right now he is feeling quite successful, as he is sure he will continue to feel for the remainder of the day.

Noah is certainly happy the moment he sees a sloth. The excitement seems to be emitting from his small form in big way, infecting both Rafa and Liv completely.

Much to Noah's pure delight they are allowed to hold the sloths they spend the day learning about. Immediately volunteering to take the responsibility of feeding one of the two-toed sloths in sight. The animal is draped onto the boy with its arms clasping his neck and its torso aligned with Noah's, the sloth, Hugo they're told, is nearly the full size of his torso.

"Mami, Papi mirame!" His voice is soft so he doesn't frighten Hugo. ( _look at me_ )

Behind her phone while taking his picture Olivia smirks at Noah, "I see baby, you look adorable together."

Noah seems fascinated by the creature's nose, all wet and looking utterly cute. Eventually Noah and Hugo snuggle together, nuzzling noses, which tickles Noah causing an uproar of laughter among the family and staff alike.

Later in the day Olivia and Rafael get their own chances to hold sloths. Rafael takes to it like a natural, bringing the animal's body readily into his own and allowing Sylvie, his sloth, to munch happily on carrots while he learns all about her and the routines she has.

When Olivia takes her turn she is more hesitant than the boys had been. Reluctantly Liv allows the sloth to rest against her. It is only after she has relented does she learn that sloth's coats generally house bugs, moths, and algae. Upon hearing this Liv's shoulders tense and her face contorts into a regrettable expression that Rafa laughs heartily at having captured in a picture.

After parting with her sloth Liv can't seem to stop swiping at her body, eventually Rafa has to reassure her that she is fine, "mi sol, you don't have any bugs on you I promise. They bathe the animals daily here, they are probably cleaner than Noah."

Shivering Olivia glares at Rafa before softening, "I just keep thinking I feel something there."

Pulling her into his side Raf tells her, "don't worry I'll save you from any creepy crawlies there might be around."

He kisses Olivia before she can work herself up at all. Noah has no patience with them and drags them from each other begging to move on, there _are_ babies here, he heard someone say it! Joining hands the couple follows Noah as he takes them over to the promised baby sloths.

When they finally return to their rented villa Noah has worn himself out with all the excitement of the day, Rafael has to collect him from the backseat of the car where he has fallen asleep. They decide to let him nap until dinner is ready.

Lucia gives them a brief summary of her day before she sets about getting dinner started, promising to listen to every moment of their day once Noah is awake. Raf and Liv agree with her and excuse themselves to freshen up before their meal.

In their room, finally alone for a moment Rafa pulls Liv into a tight embrace, savoring having her close. Neither releases the other for long minutes.

Leaning back Liv studies Rafa's face before she kisses him gently, taking her time to sink into the warmth of his mouth.

"Mmm, I love you Olivia."

Running a hand up and down his neck Liv says it back, "I love you too Rafa, so much."

"I know this is going to seem as if it is coming from nowhere, and it is definitely something we will need to discuss, but I want another child with you." Rafael's voice is hushed but irreverent as he speaks into Liv's ear.

Instead of tensing up or pushing away Olivia folds further into Rafa's body, "baby, are you sure?"

Her tone is neutral to Raf's ears but he knows this conversation leaves no room for anything but total honesty, "yes," he breathes, "I want a little girl we can spoil like we do with Noah. I want a girl who will look at you the way he does and won't want to wait to grow up to be just like you.

"Sometimes I dream about her and she is my _Daddy's Little Girl_ ™, and she will be, but more often when I dream about her she wants nothing more than to be your best friend.

"And I think about Noah as a big brother. Oh he will be the best, teaching her everything he knows, protecting her from being hurt, and annoying her by virtue of being a boy _and_ her brother. Everytime he said he wanted to share something with either Jessie or a classmate I could only picture of him taking his little sister by the hand and showing her everything."

The picture Rafa paints of their little girl is so enchanting Liv feels tears pooling in her eyes, "I want that too."

Her answer is quiet and choked but Rafael hears it clearly. Tightening his hold of her Rafael rocks them back and forth while thanking everything in the universe for bring a woman like Olivia Benson - no Barba - into his life.

Hating to end the moment, but knowing she has to, Olivia steps away, but reaches out to swipe some stray locks of hair from Rafa's face, "after we find a house we can start the adoption process."

Rafael's smile is perfect.

At dinner Noah recounts their day, his parents allowing him to keep a phone at the table to supplement his retelling. Every once in awhile he interrupts himself to show the group pictures of their friends at home that had been received throughout the day. Noah has a Snapchat account on Rafa's phone (which is strictly monitored so that the only people Noah is communicating with are known friends) and had gotten a multitude of snaps from Brandi, Lucy, and Sonny during the day that are slowly trickling through now they are in Wifi.

Rafael and Olivia are pleased to see how their friends have come together so nicely, even without them there. So much so that they are spending a day all together at the beach. After dinner Rafa allows Noah to put some of the snaps they took today onto Instagram. To Rafael's complete pleasure Noah selects the shot of Olivia looking down at the sloth in her arms with a horrified look on her face.

Almost instantly after the boy posts the photos to the app they garner likes and comments, which are quickly disrupted in favor of a phone call. It is Amanda's number that flashes on the screen, as a FaceTime request.

Noah quickly swipes the screen to accept the video chat and is greeted with, not only Amanda, but Jessie, Sonny, Fin, Lucy, Brandi, and Ken sitting down for a later dinner themselves. It is a rowdy conversation that follows the acceptance of the chat but it is entirely enjoyable for all involved, Lucia included. Noah has to fight the jealousy he feels at not being able to join everyone as they eat out together. He is reminded that he is on a tropical island and having a wonderful time, while also being soothed by the promise of more group dinners to come.

* * *

A/N: Let me know what you think, if you want ;) I'm going to enjoy adding a little girl to the mix!

xx


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Just a small nothing so you know I haven't forgotten you.

* * *

Once dinner was finished and cleaned up the family found their way to the main building of the resort so they could enjoy some dessert. Noah, having discovered the glory of churros, gathered as many churros on his plate as he was allowed, along with a generous helping of chocolate sauce. The adults decide to indulge him in his treat, Olivia goes so far as to follow his lead and has her own helping of churros.

"Rafa, I swear I'm not sharing!" Liv cannot believe she is having to chastise him over keeping his hands off her dessert. She has always made it clear, her dessert is her own, "either go get your own churros or stick to your cake. You can't have any of mine!"

Lucia has to suppress the urge to lay her face in the palm of her hand and hide from these _children_ who have accompanied her to dessert. The behavior is simply ridiculous and, though she won't show it, Lucia is beyond pleased to see her son behave in such a childlike way.

A gasp pulls Lucia from her musings and she looks back at her family, it is Olivia who gasped as Noah has joined his father's efforts to sneak food from his mother's plate.

"My own son!" Liv exclaims, swatting at hands at all angles as both her boys steal her food.

At the end of all the fuss Liv looks to her plate and is left with only one churro and mere drips of chocolate sauce. The pout that takes over her face is near comical. As Olivia continues to pout Noah moves to steal her final piece, Liv blocks him with her fork this time though. Quickly she pushes the treat through what is left of her sauce and unceremoniously shoves it into her mouth.

As she is still chewing Liv gets a text from Lucy.

 _Hey Liv, if you have time can we talk tonight? Nothing big I just want to check in._

Seeing the furrow of her brow Rafael questions Liv with a look. She answers by shrugging and showing him the text message she has just received. Deciding not to worry about it Rafa sends a shrug of his own Liv's way and hands back her phone. She merely shoots off a quick reply, offering to call later.

Lingering for a short while the family enjoys the night air, the smell of sea salt, and the presence of the other vacationers. Noah is already planning his sand castle creation for the next day, talking about the one he saw yesterday that has inspired him.

Slowly, leisurely they make their way back to the villa. The sky above is littered with stars, unlike it is at home. Rafa has downloaded an app that will tell them which constellations they are looking at. Olivia knows a surprising amount of the mythology of each. When Rafa shoots her a questioning glance she looks bashful.

Shrugging Liv looks down at her feet, "mom had books on Greek mythology and she actually let me read them. And she answered those questions…"

The implication is clear to Rafa and Lucia and subtle enough for Noah to fail to notice any of the hurt woven through.

Knowing it won't change the past but can soothe the present Lucia pulls Olivia into a quick hug whispering a light, "I love you mija."

Once released from Lucia's embrace Liv feels herself pulled in Rafa's direction, into his side. Rafa anchors Liv to him, kissing her temple and breathing her in. God he loves this woman.

A short walk can only be stretched out so long, the family is back at the door to their villa before realizing it. Noah is barely upright any longer. Letting themselves in Rafa scoops Noah up into his arms before waltzing his way off to the boys bedroom to settle him in to sleep tonight, equipped with a phone and a story. All it takes to get Noah is settled is Rafa pulling his pajamas on and tucking his son beneath the covers.

Pressing kisses to Noah's cheeks and forehead Rafa runs a hand through the curls resting atop Noah's head and whispers his love and devotion to the sleeping boy. The overwhelming outpouring of feelings Rafa has for this small life still, sometimes, astounds him. Never in his life before has Rafael felt this way, total love, support, and awe in a spirit of someone. Rafa knows, without question, that he will do anything for Noah.

"Te amo hijo con todo mi corazón. Tu felicidad será la mía." Rafael continues to indulge himself in stroking Noah's curls and dreaming of their shared future. "I will give you the world, hijo, just ask. Would you like a sister, mi alma? You will be such a great big brother, I know it. Mami and I want to adopt a sister for you, you've made our lives so much better and we want to keep adding to it." Staring into his son's sleeping face Rafael sighs and lifts himself from the mattress, after placing one final kiss to Noah's forehead. "Dulces sueños Noah." ( _I love you with all my heart. Your happiness is mine... My soul… Sweet dreams_ )

Shuffling down the hall Rafa's feet lead him to the kitchen. At the doorway to the room he takes in the sight of his mother and wife laughing with each other. Between the two women Raf spots chocolate and he starts forward, intent of nabbing a piece for himself.

Once Raf is close enough to reach a hand for the sweets he leans in only for his mother to swat his hand away, "oh no Rafi, you and your boy had your dessert. This is just for Olivia and I."

Feigning hurt Raf pulls his hand to his chest and pouts, the only reaction this elicits is Olivia's tongue sticking out at him. Without a word to either of them Rafael continues toward his bedroom, his body weary for the days activities.

"I'll be there in a few minutes honey," Liv calls from her seat at the table, Rafa offers a grunt and a nod in acknowledgment.

Staying at the table with her mother-in-law Olivia finishes the contraband dessert that had been smuggled in for her. Lucia and Liv enjoy each other's company with an easy silence between them. Seeing the plate clear of food Liv stands and places it in the sink, she'll wash it tomorrow (if Lucia hasn't already gotten to it). Keeping her upright position she stretches before bending at the hips to brush a kiss to Lucia's cheek.

"Good night Lucia, thank you for everything," Liv's words are quiet against the soft, tan skin of the older woman's face.

"Buenos noches mija, te amo." ( _Good night, I love you._ )

As she reaches the doorway to exit the kitchen Liv looks over her shoulder to return the sentiment, "tambien te amo."

Her bare feet are cold on the wooden floor and Olivia imagines tucking them under Rafael's legs to warm them up. Yes, that'll be nice. She wants to warm up with her husband, cuddle with him, hold him close. Rounding the corner Liv enters the bedroom only to find Rafa cuddled beneath the covers reading a book he brought along.

He hasn't noticed her yet so Olivia continues to keep her movements smooth and soft, to keep from disturbing him unnecessarily. Stripping off her glasses and the few remaining pieces of jewelry Liv turns for the bed. When she slides onto the mattress without a flinch or reaction from Rafael Liv realizes he must have noticed her arrival and simply went without acknowledging it.

"Are you okay if I call Lucy?" Olivia asks, finger running up the exposed skin of his arm.

Not taking his eyes from the page Rafa nods and grunts, "mmhm."

Pouting a bit at the lack of attention Liv prods further, "it won't bother you?"

A smile pushes at his cheeks and Rafael finally marks his spot on the page before turning into Olivia, "did you want something mi sol?"

Feeling somewhat bashful now that she does have Raf's attention Liv casts her eyes down and bites her lower lip before responding, "I wouldn't mind a kiss or two…"

With a dark, but delighted, chuckle Rafael leans into his wife as if to kiss her only to stop a breath away and tease her, "you wouldn't mind it? Is that it? Anything I can interest you in more, anything you may even like?"

In a tone that rivals Noah's own cries Olivia whines, "kiss me, Rafa."

Acquiescing Rafael closes the last millimeters of space that had remained between them to press his lips to Olivia's. He traps her bottom lip with both of his to nibble at it before releasing her.

"Now I believe you were going to call Lucy?" Rafa's inflection indicates he is asking a question but Liv is aware he is _telling_ her what she should be doing.

Before she listens to him, however, Olivia tugs at his t-shirt and pulls him into one final kiss before moving out of reach. Rafa returns to his book.

Liv stands and retrieves her phone to begin facetiming with Lucy. The girl answers in the middle of the third chiming ring.

"¡Hola Mamacita!" Lucy's face pops onto the screen as her voice sounds from the speaker. "¿Que tal?" ( _Hi hot Mama… what's up_ )

Attempting to school her facial expression into something resembling composure Olivia responds, although it's in English, "I got your text earlier and wanted to check in with you. Everything okay?"

Immediately Lucy's expression drops and Liv sits up straighter with the change, on edge, and concerned about what it could be that would cause this shift in behavior. Of course Lucy notices this and shakes her head before she speaks.

"I'm fine," follows quickly after the headshake, placating the woman on the other side of the phone. "I think everything is okay?" Liv furrows her brow at the questioning tone, but waits for more to come, "it's just, at the beach today - well Brandi was wearing a bathing suit, obviously," it seems like the last word Lucy directs at herself in irritation, "and when she took off her cover-up I noticed these scars on her leg. Without really realizing it I reached over and touched them."

Lucy takes a deep breath, gathering herself, "she sort of just brushed it off, like it was nothing," the look Lucy gives the camera holds a wide-eyed stress, like she still can't believe this, "saying they are from college, when she would cut herself."

Taking a look to either side of herself Lucy settles back against her headboard and the camera's image goes blurry for a moment while Olivia hears ruffling, assuming Lucy is adjusting herself to be more comfortable. Olivia does the same, mimicking the girls' positioning, against her own headboard.

Still Liv waits, Lucy speaks soon after she resets herself, "I didn't know what to say, so I just looked at her, like an idiot, before she walked away. I still don't know what to say, if I should bring it up, or just drop it. I'm scared of doing the wrong thing and freaking her out."

When Lucy blows out a long breath Olivia knows it's her turn to speak, the girl's stare fixed on her but Liv's eyes dart to her side, where Lucy can't see Rafa, who has obviously heard everything.

Pressing her lips together Liv nods, but before she can speak Lucy opens her mouth once more, "is Rafa there?" Her cheeks are becoming a burning red and the hand not holding her phone covers her eyes.

Liv wants to speak again, to reassuring Lucy, but Rafael jumps in, speaking off camera for the moment, "I'm here corazoncito ( _sweetheart/little darling_ ), but it's okay. Brandi has made-" he pauses searching for the word he wants, "allusions to things of that nature when we've spoken. I can go if you'd prefer though."

There is a long silence that follows Rafa's interjection. Olivia's gaze flicks between both her husband and the young woman who has become family to them. Rafael sees that Lucy is caught on something, he's just not sure what.

Trying to soothe things back into a conversation Raf begins moving, "don't worry Lucy, I'll go. And I promise not to hold it against you at all."

Quickly Lucy calls him back, "no! No, it's just, you caught me off-guard, you calling me _corazoncito,_ " it doesn't have the same oomph as when Raf said it but they all smile at Lucy's pronunciation regardless, "it was really cute."

Rafa scrunches up his face at the thought of him being _cute_ but moves closer to Liv rather than away. The look Olivia sends his way is a rather disgusting display of her overt, heart-melting, love for this man. Lucy says so, too.

"You guys are so grossly in love, I hate it," she doesn't.

Once again looking at the screen Olivia finally speaks, "Luce, I don't think you should beat yourself up over this so much. That was a big thing Brandi told you today and it isn't always easy to process and respond to something like that.

"You don't have to say anything, don't put too much pressure on yourself. I think Brandi is just generally open about that part of herself. It is her way of coping with things. Her and I talked about it for a while, and keep talking about it. She is in therapy, and working through things the best she can."

Olivia had been hoping that this would comfort Lucy but the look on the young woman's face seems to indicate that she has merely distressed her further.

Not making them wait for answers Lucy looks back at her phone, at Liv and Rafa, and explains herself, "she has never talked about it with me before," it sounds like a pout. "I want to be there for her, I want her to be comfortable around me. You know? Like, she should feel like she can come to me for whatever. And I don't want her thinking that because I didn't respond that I think she is like, crazy or something. Or that her scars affect the way I think of her. Or see her."

Rafael can't help his smile, "Brandi likes you too Lucy."

Olivia is surprised by his forwardness, elbowing his stomach at his statement, eyes wide. Taking him in though Liv sees he is unperturbed, and still rather smug.

Seemingly equally shocked Lucy's eyes pop entirely open to stare at Rafa.

Forcing herself to function again she asks, "did Brandi tell you that?"

Growing more serious than a moment ago Rafael lets Lucy know what he knows, "not in so many words," she looks disappointed, "but I can see it when she talks about you, or when I do. Brandi is happy when you are around, or even just when your name comes up. And I happen to know that her laptop background is a picture of the two of you from karaoke night."

Raf is close to giggling at the memory. Brandi hadn't intended for him to see that, he had been working on a project with her and they were both in his office. Him at his computer. Her at her laptop. Rafael happened to catch her while she was switching windows and saw the picture. At first he teased Brandi, but when he noticed her discomfort he abruptly stopped and let it go. Now seemed an opportune time to bring it back up.

Face lighting up Lucy merely asks, "really?"

She gets a nod in response.

Olivia picks up the conversation where it left off, "all you can do is be there for her Lucy, let her know how you feel and let her react."

The newly married couple is sent a look that they take to mean something along the lines of 'really? Coming from you two?'

Replying in the best way she can think of Liv tells her, "just don't wait as long as either of us did and I think you'll both be fine."

Laughing Lucy takes that as her cue, "thank you both. I really appreciate the help," she levels them with a steady, serious, look before finishing, "mi corazoncitos."

They are both laughing as the call ends.

Face turned into Rafael, arm reaching back toward the nightstand, eyes closed, Olivia drops her phone carelessly behind her. Pulling a breath in through her nose she is overcome with Rafa's scent.

"Mmm, you smell good, my love." Olivia informs him.

Dropping his head so they are cheek to cheek, with Liv tucked in between his face and shoulder, Raf's eyes slip closed too, "I smell like sunscreen and chocolate, but, I thank you for the compliment."

"You smell like vacation," offers Liv, voice reverent in his ear.

With what may be considered a chuckle Rafa rolls himself on top of Olivia, pressing her into the downy comfort of the mattress beneath them. Here their torsos press together, heartbeats sounding against rib cages and mere inches apart, legs tangled around legs, arms holding on, fingers interlocked. Rafael and Olivia are tied to one another as best as they can be.

Cheeks still touching Rafael whispers, "I love you so much Olivia."

Liv nuzzles in, "I love you too Rafa, with all my heart."

It would feel like a perfect way to end the day, if only Liv had changed into her night clothes. She hasn't yet. With a gentle shove to his shoulder, with her own, Liv nudges Rafa off of her. Intending to change, or at the very least remove her bra and pants.

Rafa doesn't go far, "about that kissing we were doing earlier?"

The question hangs between them for a few beats.

It doesn't go for long, "as long as you get me out of my bra and pants, I'm happy."

An eyebrow quirked to a dangerously sexy angle Rafa licks his lips, "just the bra and pants or would the lady like to enjoy our full service?"

Giggling while skating her hands down the fabric of Raf's t-shirt and below the waistband of his bottoms Liv bites at his chin, "hmmm, tell me more about this full service package you're offering."

It is more showing than telling, but Rafa gets his point across.

* * *

A/N: I love you all, thanks for sticking with me. Even when I give stupid nothing updates like this one...

XX


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